


Trying to Figure It Out

by InspiredObsession



Category: Blake Shelton (Musician), Blake Shelton/Gwen Stefani - Fandom, Gwen Stefani - Fandom, Shefani
Genre: AU, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-05 08:51:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 61,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11574654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InspiredObsession/pseuds/InspiredObsession
Summary: I have never in my life done any kind of creative writing, much less fanfiction, and I'm sure that is probably obvious in this story and the way it is written. All I know is that I am a supporter of Gwen and Blake's relationship and that I am always on this site reading what other amazing writers post. The idea for this story just came to me one day and it bugged me for a few days, so I just decided to write it to get it out of my system. I don't know what kind of response I'm expecting from this, and honestly I'm no too confident about this, just wanted to give it a try. If y'all like it and want me to keep going though I will try, just let me know in the comment section. Any kind of suggestions are welcome as well, again I'm new at this so I'm open to learning. On the other hand if y'all don't like it, that's fine too and I am willing to go back to just being a reader. Here it goes...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have never in my life done any kind of creative writing, much less fanfiction, and I'm sure that is probably obvious in this story and the way it is written. All I know is that I am a supporter of Gwen and Blake's relationship and that I am always on this site reading what other amazing writers post. The idea for this story just came to me one day and it bugged me for a few days, so I just decided to write it to get it out of my system. I don't know what kind of response I'm expecting from this, and honestly I'm no too confident about this, just wanted to give it a try. If y'all like it and want me to keep going though I will try, just let me know in the comment section. Any kind of suggestions are welcome as well, again I'm new at this so I'm open to learning. On the other hand if y'all don't like it, that's fine too and I am willing to go back to just being a reader. Here it goes...

Five out of every ten marriages end in divorce, at least that’s what the statistics say, but how many people get divorced twice? You would think the second time around you would have had it figured out, known what went wrong the first time, been more cautious moving forward with the next person. I thought I had been, but I guess I’m still just as blind and naïve as I was twenty years ago with my first marriage. Maybe not, maybe it’s just something about me, I have been cheated on twice now, there has to be some fault on my part. That’s what I keep telling myself, trying to convince myself that the two women who I’ve told I wanted to spend the rest of my life with them weren’t completely fake and cold hearted. I still don’t want to believe it, but I guess at some point I have to. It hurts a lot more this time because you feel like more of a failure and honestly, I don’t know anything that hurts worse than losing someone you love. I hope this is it for a while because I can’t take anymore loss. I had no clue what was coming for me.  


So here I am about to do one of the hardest and most embarrassing things I’ve ever had to do, by telling my coworkers, two who I hardly know, that by the time the blinds for this season airs the gold band around my finger will be gone. The only person other than my family who knows what’s going on in my life is Adam, so when I clear my throat after gaining the courage to speak he gives me a sympathetic but encouraging look knowing exactly what I’m about to say. No going back now, all eyes are on me.  


“Guys I have an announcement to make,” I begin as I put my head down to avoid all the curious eyes around me.  


“I just wanted to let y’all know that by the time this season airs I will…”  


“Blake” I tense, getting interrupted by the voice that over the past 6 months has caused me so much pain.  


I hear Adam gasp clearly not expecting her to be here, neither was I we hadn’t talked for 3 weeks. She sounded flustered and sad so I looked up ready to dismiss whatever excuse or last-ditch attempt at an apology she had come up with. I looked up and tried to convey with my eyes that she was no longer welcome here, not wanting to say it with everyone around.  


“What?” I ask, the other coaches look at me confused that that’s how I greet my teary-eyed wife, but I can’t bring myself to show her any kind of affection.  


“I need to talk to you,” she sounds adamant and serious.  


“Not right now Miranda, there’s nothing left to talk about,” I say trying to stay as calm as possible.  


“Yes there is Blake, and it needs to be done in private, please,” she pleads with me, but I refuse to leave my seat.  
Undeterred, I shake my head.  


“It’s about Endy, Blake please,” she chokes on her words the tears getting stronger.  


She’s playing me, I know she is because I just talked to Endy, my sister, this morning, so again I shake my head.  
She sighs giving me one more pleading look, but when she understands that I’m not willing to give her the time of day she walks towards me, stands right in front of me and whispers through her tears,  


“I got a call from a hospital in Oklahoma two hours ago and they told me that Endy and Mike had been in a car accident and that it had been fatal. The kids were with your momma, so they’re okay. I guess she hadn’t changed my contact name from “sis” in her phone yet, so that’s why they called me Blake I’m so sorry!” She’s sobbing now and she barely finishes as she falls in my lap.  
At the moment, I don’t know what else to do but hold her as the tears stream down my face as well. I’m speechless as everyone around us just looks on with shocked and sympathetic eyes. Next thing I know Miranda speaks up from where she rests on my chest.  


“The will that they wrote before the kids were born leaves the kids to us Blake, what are we going to do?”  


That question seems to knock me back into my senses enough to push her off my lap gently and onto the couch next to me.  


“This can’t just erase what you did Ran,” I say through my tears.  


“This doesn’t just erase what you did,” I quickly corrected.  
Without hesitation I slip off my wedding band and place it on the table in front of me as I stand up. She looks at me shocked still crying and red faced.  


“I’m going to take care of Ryan and Jace, but I can’t stay with you just because of them I still expect those divorce papers signed,” I say as I turn around and walk away to collect my things as fast as possible still blurry eyed trying my hardest to keep my composure.  


Next thing I do is call Brandon and demand for a plane to be on the tarmac within the next half hour not going into detail on why. I walked out of the set leaving everyone on the couch shocked and upset, and as I looked back the only thing I saw was a pair of sad brown eyes staring back at me with something that seemed familiar, but I couldn’t think about what that meant right now. I needed to get home to my momma, Ryan, and Jace, because we were all each other have left. At least that is what I thought.  


I ignored every call that came into my phone unless they were family. I completely blocked Miranda, Adam stopped calling after five voicemails seeming to get the message, but Gwen, she was persistent. After not answering her calls she moved to texts trying to get through to me and convey how sorry she was for me. I shot off a quick text with a promise to talk to her later and put her on “Do Not Disturb” with no intention of following through on my promise. I just couldn’t read her words anymore because if I did, I would completely break down and I couldn’t do that right now. I had to be a man because my momma had already lost two of her three kids I am not going to let her lose me too, mentally or physically, and those kids need a parent and dammit I was going to be one for them.  


As I hug my family after I get home I try to forget about everyone except the people in my arms and my sister and brother in law. In the back of my mind I knew that wasn’t going to last long because there was one person who was not going to allow me to push everyone away and bury my feelings like I wanted to. I never could have guessed how much I was going to need that person in my life.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I got a positive response from the first chapter of this story, so I'm going to try an keep it going as long as y'all want me to. There is more interaction between Blake and Gwen to come, but I want to make sure the buildup and background is strong.

I get startled awake from my own nightmare by the sound of Jace crying. I look over and see Ryan has already infiltrated my bed and was clinging to my arm. This has become the routine over the past week. It’s the middle of the night here in Oklahoma and trying to get the kids situated and trying to hide my own grief was painful and exhausting. The kids were a constant reminder of what I had lost. Seeing the kids struggle to understand the concept of death and never seeing their parents again was so heartbreaking, then having to face the questions that no one could answer like “why?” tore my heart to pieces. Watching them cry after my mom and I broke the news to them made me angry because they didn’t deserve this, nobody did, and all I wanted to do was give them everything in the world to try and make them feel better. I knew though in the back of mind that the one thing they actually wanted, to grow up with their parents by their side, I couldn’t give them. 

After situating Ryan on top of a pillow rather than me, I got up to go get Jace from his new makeshift room that I set up until I could give him the space he deserved. He was sitting in the middle of the bed staring down at his teddy calling for mommy, not Uncle Blake, mommy. Any attempt to keep my tears at bay were failing, so I sniffle and walk over to the bed and gently run my fingers through his hair, spooking him out of his own grief for a second. He looks up at me and the sobs only get harder because I know he was hoping to look up and see his mommy there and wake up from this nightmare. With tears streaming down my face as well, I sit down on the bed and scoop the boy up and into my lap and start rocking back and forth. We sit there and cry together until he picks his head up from the crook of my neck and straightens up. He’s still sitting in my lap but his eyes are focused on my chest as his little hands focus on fiddling with the second button on my shirt. I can tell he has something to say so I rub his back in encouraging circles just waiting not wanting to push him. After about 10 minutes of silence, with the exception of the occasional sniffle from either of us, he whispers, “do you think mommy and daddy miss me and Ryan?” 

I swallow the lump in my throat and will the fresh tears away as I place my hand on his cheek forcing his innocent eyes to meet mine when I say, “buddy I know that they miss you and I know they are so sorry they had to leave y’all, but I know they are watching us from heaven keeping us safe.” 

Jace just nods his head and wraps his little arms around my neck burying his face again as I go back to rocking him. When I feel his little body start to relax from exhaustion, I pick him up and make my way back to my bedroom where his sister is peacefully sleeping for the first time this week. I lay them down next to each other and they immediately cuddle up close. I laid down next to them draping my arm around them trying in any way possible to make them feel secure and loved. Sleep doesn’t find me again that night as I lay there staring at these two angels wondering how God could possibly take so much from them. 

When 6 a.m. rolls around I decide it’s an acceptable time to be up out of bed, so I get up as quietly as possible and make sure the kids are tucked in tight before I make my way downstairs. I feel so alone, everything that I care about with the exception of those kids and my momma was taken away from me in the blink of an eye. As much as I don’t want to, I find myself wishing Miranda was here sometimes thinking maybe she could help me through all of this. Before I can give into my loneliness, I shake my head and remind myself how much pain she has caused me. I sigh and try and figure out what to do until the kids wake up other than feeling sorry for myself. It’s too early to start making them breakfast because this is the first night they have seemed to find any kind of peace, so I hope they get at least two more hours of rest. 

Suddenly I realize that I just completely walked away from work, not even letting my manager know what was going on with me. I haven’t made any attempt to contact anyone and have completely disconnected myself from my phone and my computer. I know everyone on set of the Voice probably already knows what happened by now considering I found out in front of everyone, but I still just disappeared. I decide to bite the bullet and turn on my phone. Sure enough there’s a million calls and texts from Brandon wondering what the hell was going on, and there were also a million more texts from Gwen pleading with me to call and let her know I was okay. Luckily there were no tabloid stories yet, so at least the news had been kept quiet. The thing that angered me though was that there was an email from Mark Burnett saying that he found out about what happened sending his deepest apologies, but letting me know that if I could not make it back within a week that they were going to have to release me from my contract and find someone to take my place. I almost threw my phone. How could he, after everything I have brought to that show and NBC, be so unsympathetic and impatient with me in a situation like this? If the kids weren’t sleeping I would have screamed, I didn’t know what to do. 

Tears of frustration streamed down my face as I sat there hating what my life had become and wanting to talk to someone, but not wanting to call my momma because that would be selfish because she’s grieving too. I’m not about to bother her with concerns about a television show. The only person I could think of that I knew actually wanted to talk to me other than Miranda was Gwen, and after everything that has happened I would pick Gwen any day. I hesitate over her contact for a while knowing it’s early in LA, but not being able to hold back anymore I hit the call button praying she was genuine in her request for me to call. 

“Hello,” I can hear the sleepiness, surprise and relief in her voice after she picks up after the second ring. 

“Hi, Gwen. I’m so sorry I know it’s early…” I try apologizing for bothering her so early in the morning. My words are kind of breathy, as I’m trying to hold back the tears still after reading that email. She is having none of it. 

“Don’t you dare apologize for calling me Blake, I am always here,” she chastises me. I can’t help to smile a little at her words, but the anger is instantly back when she asks me how I’m holding up. I just explode. 

“How am I holding up?! Oh I don’t know, I’m in the middle of a divorce after getting cheated on by my wife of four years, I just lost my sister and my brother in law, my mom’s a wreck, I’m suddenly expected to be a father to a 4 and a 6 year old who don’t understand why their mommy and daddy aren’t going to come pick them up, and on top of all that I’m getting emails from Mark basically saying that I need to get over myself and get back to work soon or I’m fired.” I’m full on sobbing now as I just took all my frustration out on Gwen. I don’t know why I’m trusting her all of the sudden with all this. We barely know each other, but I was desperate to speak to someone who wasn’t going to pretend they understand and just listen. 

I can hear her making shushing noises over the phone trying to soothe me. As my cries begin to die down I hear her whisper, trying to keep the tone calm, “Blake, forget about Mark that show would flop without you it’s just an empty threat. You need to take all the time you need to make sure that you are the best you can be for yourself and your family. Your mom needs to be able to look at you and see that there is still hope that her family is going to be okay. She needs to look at you and see strength in order for her to start to heal. As for those babies, you may not have kids, but you were born to be a father Blake. You are so gentle and loving and I know those kids are going to be in the best hands possible beside their parents’. They are going to be so spoiled Blake, and you need to be able to raise them in a secure, positive home. I’m sorry that that home doesn’t include Miranda, but anyone who is willing to hurt you and lie to you just doesn’t deserve you or those kids.” I hear her sniffle as she finishes. 

I nod my head with my eyes clamped shut and whisper into the phone a weak “thank you” to Gwen, unable to tell her how much I appreciate her words because it would only bring on another waterfall of emotion. 

“It’s all true Blake, don’t doubt yourself. Anytime you need me I’m here.” 

I’m about to respond when I hear a little voice on her end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you thought of this chapter and if you think I should keep going. Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having a lot of fun writing this story. Thanks for all the feedback. Keep it coming!

“Mommy?” I can hear the little boy on the other end of the line, but I can’t tell which one it is. I feel like I should hang up, but then I hear her use her tell me to hold on before she addresses the kid. 

“Hi baby, what are you doing up so early?” I hear her ask. She’s using her mommy voice and it has me in some kind of trance. 

“I heard you talking to someone and I wanted to see if it was daddy.” She hesitates before answering. 

“No baby, I’m sorry” she says sounding kind of upset all of the sudden. 

“Oh”, you can hear the disappointment in his voice and I feel bad for the kid. His dad is probably on tour for the week. “Who are you talking to then?” Now he’s curious. 

“Do you remember Blake from work?” 

“The cowboy?!” He squeals and I can’t help but chuckle at his response. I had spent a couple of hours with Gwen’s boys on set one day and they were just completely fascinated with the fact that I had horses in my backyard. 

“Yeah the cowboy,” she giggles right along with him. “Why don’t you come say “hi” and then go take a shower before I make you breakfast since you decided not to take one last night?” 

“Alright,” and I can hear his footsteps over the phone as he runs to the bed and next thing I know I hear a high pitched “Hi Blake” come through the speaker. 

“Hi buddy, what’s up?” I try to sound as happy as possible and not like I was crying to his mom five minutes ago. I’ve determined that I’m talking to Zuma because of the enthusiasm that is present so early in the morning. 

“Nothing much, when are you coming back to LA? I want to play with you again.” I’m surprised by his question, but I’m certainly flattered that he enjoyed my company. Makes me hope that Ryan and Jace are excited to be spending time with me too. 

“Hopefully soon, but I have some things to do here at home first. Next time I’m there I’ll have my niece and nephew with me though and I’m sure they’d love to play with you and your brothers. How does that sound?” 

“Awesome! I can’t wait Blake, see you soon.” I hear him hand the phone back to Gwen and run off before I can respond. 

Gwen waits to speak again until she hears the bathroom door slam across the hall. “I’m sorry for that he just gets excited.” She tries to apologize. 

“It’s okay Gwen, honestly it made me smile to hear him excited to see me. I just hope Ryan and Jace are as enthusiastic after everything settles down a little.” 

“They will be Blake don’t doubt yourself,” she reassures me before she asks me the burning question. “So, you’re going to come back?” 

I sigh. “I think so,” I respond still a little unsure. “I don’t think Endy would want me to give it up because of her. I feel like she would keep reminding me how much Ryan and Jace loved LA when they came to visit me on set that one time. At this point I want to do what I think she would want me to do because that’s how I’m going to keep her alive.” 

“You need to do what’s best for you and the kids. Maybe getting them out of Oklahoma for a little while might be good for them,” she suggests. 

“Yeah. So, is Gavin on tour?” I ask wanting to change the subject. 

“What?” she asks sounding confused. 

“Zuma asked if you were talking to him on the phone, so I figured he was on tour,” I respond. 

“Oh, no, no he’s not on tour.” There’s that sad voice again. 

“What’s wrong Gwen?” I ask concerned. 

“Nothing, don’t worry about it. You have enough going on.” 

“Hey, I’m here for you just like you are for me. Now, what’s going on?” 

She sighs and says quietly, “Gavin and I are getting a divorce too. We haven’t told the kids yet, but I kicked him out and just told the kids he needed to go work on a new album.” 

“I’m so sorry Gwen,” I’m completely shocked. That must have been the look I recognized before I stormed out of the set. It was the look of betrayal and complete devastation. I didn’t even need to ask, but I do anyway because I think she needs to vent just as much as I did. “What happened?” 

“He cheated on me with the nanny. Has been for 3 years now, right under my roof, with the person who takes care of my babies.” Wow, I was expecting something bad but not this bad. I mean the nanny, really? By the end of her sentence I could tell the sadness turned to anger. I would be angry too, she didn’t just get betrayed by her husband but the person she pays to be around her family. That’s rough. 

“Oh my god Gwen, wow I had no idea. I’m so sorry for bothering you with my life you have so much going on already. I won’t call again I promise.” I keep rambling feeling like a terrible person. I think she tried to stop my rant by saying my name a couple of times, but it didn’t work. 

“Cowboy!” Now that got my attention and stopped me dead in my tracks. I don’t know why, but I kind of like that nickname. 

“Yeah,” I say a little shy now. 

“I’m glad you called and talked to me and to be completely honest I’m glad to have someone else going through the same thing. No offense, but now when I call you saying I want to go to bed with a bottle of vodka and never get up, you will understand the feeling. Anybody else I call will just want to get me some mental help.” She giggles a little. 

“I guess you’re right. I was beginning to think God just hated me, but it turns out he hates both of us. That’s a plus.” She lets out a full belly laugh now, and in that moment, I make it my goal to make her laugh as much as possible because it’s such a beautiful sound. I have made mistakes in my life. I have regrets, and some may say that I deserve all that I’m getting but the angel on the other end of the line doesn’t. She’s as pure as she can be. 

She clears her throat after laughing so hard. “I guess that’s one way to look at it, but hey, God doesn’t hate you completely.” 

“Oh yeah, how’s that?” I’m genuinely curious to hear her answer because I don’t know how life could be any worse right now. 

“He could have taken those two babies away from you that day too, but he didn’t. He let those babies live, and he left them with an amazing man who he knows is going to be wrapped around their little fingers.” That makes me smile because it’s true. I hadn’t even thought about the fact that Ryan and Jace could have been in the car that day too. If that were the case, I don’t think I would ever come out of hiding, much less be able to talk to anyone again. 

“You’re right,” I tell her. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if I would have lost them too.” 

“See, he left you something to live for Blake, don’t take that for granted.” 

“I won’t I promise. Speaking of, I should probably go up and check on them. They should be waking up any minute now.” I didn’t want to hang up, but all of the sudden I just needed to go up and make sure they were still okay. 

“Of course, go, but when you get back would you maybe be interested in bringing the kids over for a play date. They would love to have someone to play with, and it might get their minds of their father for a little while?” 

“Sure thing, I think that’s a great idea. We could all use some distraction. I’ll text you when I get back in so we can set it up.” 

“Great! Now go get those babies. Bye!” 

“Bye Gwen.” I hang up the phone and the little bit of happiness I was starting to feel fades away as I’m engulfed by the silence of my house again. 

I push myself up off the stool by the island in the kitchen and quietly make my way upstairs to check on the kids. Sure enough, when I walk in they are both starting to stir. 

“Hey guys, how did you sleep?” I ask keeping my voice quiet since they just woke up. 

“Better” Ryan says. Jace is still a little groggy so he just sits up and hold his arms out wanting me to pick him up, which I do so immediately. Wanting to keep them in a happy mood as long as possible I ask what they want for breakfast. 

“Daddy always made us French toast on Saturday’s. Can you make us French toast too?” I frown at the mention of her father, but if this is the way to keep their memory alive I’m willing to do anything. 

“Of course, I can make French toast. How about some bacon too?” I ask raising my eyebrow faking a smile. 

Ryan and Jace look at each other with wide eyes and whisper “Yes” with huge smiles on their faces telling me that they’re about to get something they didn’t usually get. I’m almost hesitant to give it to them now, but I have to accept that I’m not my sister or my brother in law. I’m going to do some things different, and one of those things happens to be giving them bacon with their French toast on Saturday’s. I want them to have things that they associate me with. I don’t want to just replace daddy’s role. I still want to be Uncle Blake who became daddy. 

As I’m walking down the stairs with Jace in my arms and holding Ryan’s hand, I decide we’ll fly out to LA tomorrow. As much as I don’t want to, I need to get back to my normal life, and I need to show Ryan and Jace what their new normal is going to be. It’s the only way we’re going to heal. Gwen was right, God left me something to live for. I’m not going to just hide away in the house with the kids. I’m going to make up for what happened the best I can.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got a little long oops. Sorry not sorry. I'm loving all the feedback y'all are giving me. Keep it coming!

“Uncle Blake how much longer?” Jace whined while standing in between my legs from where I sat on the private plane. We’ve been up in the air for close to 2 hours already and Jace was getting fussy, while his sister was content with coloring and looking out the window. 

“About an hour buddy,” and even though I knew that wasn’t too long, I may as well have said a year because I knew that’s how it sounded to a four year old. 

“ughh” he groaned and slammed his head against my belly tired of being stuck in the cabin. 

This is new to me. I don’t really know how to handle the kids when they’re cranky or upset. If they ever got like this when they were over at the house, Endy or Mike would handle them. I know he’s just tired, the poor thing has cried himself to sleep for a week and has been having trouble sleeping in his new room, so I grab him under the arms and sit him on my lap. He’s sporting the biggest pouty face right now and I can’t help but chuckle because it reminds me of Endy when we were kids and she didn’t get what she wanted. 

“You’re just like your momma you know that,” I say as I ruffle his hair. I have a big smile on my face just thinking about it. 

“What do you mean?” He looks up at me with a furrowed brow. 

“Your momma used to pout just like that when she was little.” 

“I’m not pouting” he quickly tries to straighten his face but I can see the small smirk playing on his lips, proud to be compared to his momma. 

“Oh really? Then what’s that right there?” I ask pointing to his slightly protruding bottom lip and tickling him with the other hand. 

He bursts out in giggles and squeals. “Nothinggg..ahaha.. stop Uncle Blake!!! Mercy! Mercy!” His shouts get the attention of his big sister, who’s sitting a little further up on the plane. She glances over and sees Jace doubled over in laughter and it brings a small smile to her face. I know she’s glad to see her brother happy even just for a minute. The love these two have for each other blows me away and I know they are going to have an equal hand in helping me through this as I will to them. I give her a little smirk and then look back down at Jace who is still out of breath and recovering. 

“How about I sing you some songs and I promise by the time I’m done we’ll be in LA?” I only suggest this because I know he’ll be out after the first song. I can already feel his little body melting into my chest. 

“Okay” he nods trying to hide a yawn. 

“What song?” I bounce my knee a little soothing him even more. 

He thinks for a minute before saying, “the one about the puppy.” I stifle a laugh because he’s so innocent. Then I start into Ole Red. I keep my voice quiet and I slow the tune and make it a little deeper hoping it will lull him to sleep. He’s out before I hit the second chorus. As soon as I know he’s asleep I stop singing and kiss the top of his head letting my lips linger while I gently keep bouncing my knee. I hold him tight against my chest and just rest my head against the window for the remainder of the flight. I loved these kids to death before, but what I’m feeling now must be what a parent feels because I know there’s nothing in the world that I wouldn’t give up for them. 

When we land in LA, Jace is still snoozing on my chest so I get up trying not to jostle him too much. I know my driver is going to take care of the bags so I just help Ryan pack all of her coloring stuff away in her mini backpack and hold her hand as we go down the stairs to get off the plane. When my driver sees me and the kids he looks confused and makes eye contact silently asking me who they were and why I had them. I just shake my head and address Ryan trying to avoid any kind of conversation. 

“Sweetheart can you go ahead and buckle yourself in? I’m going to help your brother.” She nods and lets go of my hand walking to the other side of the sedan. I had requested two car seats before booking my flight wanting to make sure they would be safe in the car. After I buckle Jace in I climb in the front seat and I was almost uncomfortable with the fact that they were at the mercy of my driver. I wanted everything that had to do with them to be in my hands. I wanted control at all times, but I figured that wouldn’t be the best idea here in LA so I swallowed my doubts and prepared for the long drive to my house. 

“Are we going to see Uncle Adam?” Ryan had taken to asking me questions on the ride home wanting to know if we were going to Disney Land and if they were going to get to go to the set with me. By now my driver had figured out that they were my niece and nephew. Jace had woken up about halfway to the house and only chimed into the conversation when Disney was mentioned, so I knew that was in the near future. Maybe with Gwen, I thought. I knew she loved taking her kids there. 

“Yes Ryan, we are going to see Uncle Adam. He told me he missed you.” I glanced into the rearview mirror just in time to see her blush and look away. She always had a little crush on Adam and I loved teasing her about it. 

“What are we going to do when we get to your house?” I frown at her choice of words wanting to correct her. 

“It’s your house now too Ryan, but I don’t know what we’ll do. I was thinking we could eat lunch first and figure it out from there. Turkey sandwiches and Doritos sound good?” They both perk up at the mention of their favorite snack. 

“Yeah” they both say in unison. 

As the kids are eating their lunch while watching cartoons in the living room I sneak back off into the kitchen and take a deep breath. I made it here, alone, with two kids, no help and they seem okay for now. To say I was nervous about flying with the kids would be an understatement. I didn’t know if I had packed enough, I didn’t know if they were going to get scared, I didn’t know if there was going to be paparazzi at the airport. There were just so many things that could go wrong and that’s not how I wanted their first trip to go. After coming down from my internal freak out I determine that I have two calls to make. 

“Hey momma we just got home.” I say into the speaker. She sighs in relief, I knew she was stressed about this trip in particular. 

“Good honey I’m glad. Have they eaten yet, it’s past noon there?” 

“Yes, they’re eating now. Turkey sandwiches and Doritos.” 

“That’s great sweetheart. What about you, have you eaten?” I sigh and don’t respond. I haven’t really been eating all that much since the accident. I had lost a lot of weight over the past week and I knew she had noticed. She just hadn’t said anything figuring it was just my way of coping, but I can tell it’s something that’s been bothering her. 

“You need to eat honey. Please, I’m worried about you. You need to take care of yourself Blake.” I can hear her voice crack over the phone and I know she’s crying. 

“Okay, Okay momma I’ll make myself a sandwich right now and I’ll eat the entire bag of chips just please don’t cry. I can’t stand to hear you cry.” I say almost frantically trying to keep her from getting too worked up. 

“Please Blake. I just, I can’t lose you too. Please my heart couldn’t take it. You’re the only baby I have left.” She’s full on crying now and I’m starting to fall apart too hanging my head as I lean against the counter. 

“I’m so sorry momma, so sorry.” I whisper not wanting the kids to hear in the other room. In that moment, I feel so selfish because I left her behind in Oklahoma. Other than my stepdad, we were all she had left and I decided to go across the country. “I shouldn’t have left. I should have stayed with you. I’m so selfish. I can come back, I can.” I’m close to hyperventilating now. 

“No Blake, don’t be sorry you left.” She’s stern now. “I’m so proud of you. You made your first executive decision as a father. You saw what those kids needed and you gave it to them without even thinking about anyone one else including yourself. You are becoming the man I always knew you were going to grow up to be and I couldn’t be prouder.” 

“I’m just so sad ma. I miss Endy and Mike so much, and here lately Richie keeps popping into my head. I’ve lost both of my heroes. Richie and Endy are the reason I do what I do and now they’re both gone. I feel like the only time I’m present anymore is when the kids are around, but when they’re in bed or watching television or something I just zone out. I can’t even drown myself in a bottle like I want to because I won’t do that to Ryan and Jace. I can’t do this by myself ma. Maybe Miran…” 

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence son.” She scolds me immediately. “I know that’s not really what you want. What’s the first thing you did when you found out she cheated on you?” 

“I called you and told you how much I hated her and never wanted to see her again.” I was so angry I called her just to vent. 

“That’s right, and can you honestly sit there and tell me that has changed?” 

“No.” 

“Then I don’t even want to hear you ever about to speak those words again.” She pauses before continuing making sure I got the message. “And even if you feel like it right now Blake, you are not alone. You will always have me and your stepdaddy, and I know for a fact that those people up at the Voice have your back no matter what. Everywhere you turn there’s someone ready and willing to help you if you need it.” I smile at that. 

“Thanks momma. I just miss them so much I lose my head sometimes. You’re right about the people at the voice having my back too. Ryan already asked if we were going to see “Uncle” Adam, and Gwen already invited us over so the kids can have a play date to help distract them.” 

“There you go honey. Don’t push anybody away, let them help you it will make you feel better. Just know that whenever you’re feeling alone, Endy and Mike are looking down on you and guiding you. Richie has always been there too.” 

“I know they are. Thanks ma. I love you so much” 

“I love you too honey. Now go make sure those kids haven’t killed each other yet. They can’t be left alone for too long.” 

“Alright, but I’ve got one more call to make first. I’m sure they’ll be fine. Talk to you later. I love you.” I repeat the sentiment one more time wanting to make sure she knew how much I mean it. 

“I know baby, I love you too. Talk to you later.” We hang up and I prepare to call Gwen and let her know we were in LA as promised. I hope we can set up that playdate because I don’t really have any toys here yet and I don’t want to fry the kids brains with the television until I get to go shopping.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took a day yesterday. Updating everyday is hard, but I hope this chapter makes up for it. Let me know!

I’m currently standing next to Gwen in her kitchen clutching a glass of wine while watching the kids play in the living room. I had called her right after talking to my mom and she insisted we come over immediately. I haven’t really said much since we got here I’ve been caught up in my own head after I saw her interact with the kids. I don’t really snap out of it until I feel her place a hand on my shoulder. When I meet her eyes she breaks the silence. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

I look away back to the kids. “I don’t know what I’m doing.” I’m not upset, I’m just being matter of fact. Two weeks ago I didn’t even have a wife at home anymore. It was literally just me and my dog Betty in the house. Beside the responsibility of taking care of a dog, I don’t know the first thing about being a parent. 

“This isn’t like having a newborn Gwen. I don’t have a period of time where I can screw up and they won’t remember. I have to know what to do now because I can’t hurt them anymore. I have to be perfect from the get go and I don’t know how to do that. When do I tell them no and when do I give in, how do they react in certain situations, what are their habits, what are their quirks that make them unique? I know the answers to some of these things, but I don’t know them like the back of my hand like a parent would.” My voice is calm and steady the whole time I’m saying this. Right now, I’m just sharing hoping she can help me in some way. 

“No parent is perfect Blake. Hell, I’m not even close. We all make mistakes, just the other day I got my first I hate you from Kingston. It’s like a milestone as a parent, those moments where they get so pissed at you because you don’t give them what they want all the time and turn them into spoiled little brats.” I huff out a laugh because I remember one night at my house Ryan had gotten so angry at Endy because she wouldn’t let her have a second piece of cake and Ryan told her she hated her. Endy just started laughing and told her to go play with her brother. I was so confused at the time, but now I guess I get it. 

“You want to know what makes those moments even better?” 

“What?” I look back at her with a smirk on my face from the memory. 

“When the guilt eats them alive and they come to you crying to apologize telling you how much they love you and that they didn’t mean it. They are going to get mad at you Blake and you are going to make mistakes, but you have to let them know who’s in charge. The love that they have for you will always trump the anger though and they will always come back to you.” 

“I sure hope so. I can’t stand to lose them too.” We let the silence overtake us again occasionally laughing when one of the kids gets really into the fairytale game of pirates they’re playing in the living room. 

“You know this is the first time I’ve been able to talk about them without breaking out in tears. I almost feel bad about it, like they deserve more of my time. I shouldn’t be healing so quickly, I mean I’m not saying I’ll ever be over them I just feel like I should still be a blubbering mess you know?” I finish with a chuckle. 

“You’ll have your moments where you turn into a puddle of tears even ten years from now.” 

“I know, but still.” I say taking another sip out of my glass of wine. “How have you been doing with the whole Gavin thing? Have y’all told the kids yet?” She sighs at my line of questioning. 

“It’s been hard. Even though I hate him I still miss him sometimes and I don’t really know if it’s him that I’m missing or the complete family. We haven’t told the kids yet because he’s being a complete ass about it. He keeps insisting that I’ll give in and forgive him, but I sent him the divorce papers for the third time yesterday with a pretty nasty note, so I hope he gets the message this time. It has made for some pretty good song writing though. That’s about the only positive thing that’s come out of this.” 

“I know what you mean, Miranda pops into my head every now and then.” I pause before I continue. “So, songwriting, anything you want to share?” I nudge her with my elbow hoping to bring a smile to her face. She looks up at me and gives me a little smile and pretends to lock her lips with her fingers. 

I laugh and lift my hands like I’m surrendering. “Okay suit yourself. Whenever you’re ready just know that I want to be the first to listen to it.” 

“Noted Blake Shelton” She’s still looking up at me smiling and it’s infectious. 

“Well alright Gwen Stefani.” I hold up my pinky wanting her to make the ultimate promise. 

She laughs out loud then while linking her pinky with mine. “And when you get to writing something I want to be the first to hear it too.” I just nod my head and say “deal.” As soon as her pinky unhooks with mine Ryan comes running into the kitchen and she looks frustrated. 

“Uncle Blake all the boys are playing pirates and I want to play princesses, but they just keep telling me no.” She crosses her arms in front of her chest and huffs looking at me expecting me to go in there and make the boys play dress up with her. She rolls her eyes at me when I laugh at her little outburst. 

“I’m sorry Ryan, but there’s four of them and only one of you. I think you’re outnumbered honey.” 

She walks over to me and grabs my hand shaking it a little. “But I want to be like Cinderella Uncle Blake.” 

I pick her up and put her on the counter in front of me and give her my best frown while I rub my hands up and down her arms. “Why do you want to be like Cinderella? You’re already my favorite princess.” I can see Gwen from the corner of my eye hiding a smirk behind her hand. 

“I’m not a princess. Princesses wear pretty dresses and they have princes that come and rescue them from towers.” I cringe at the mention of the prince. God what am I going to do when she brings a boy home? 

“Well you’re a princess to me and not all princesses have to wear pretty dresses I mean look at Gwen. She’s a princess and she’s not wearing a dress” I look over at Gwen and see her blush, so I just give her a wink. Ryan gasps and looks over to Gwen. 

“You’re a princess?!” Her eyes are wide and full of wonder while she clasps her hands in front of her chest. 

“Of course!” Gwen plays along giving me a wink right back. “Why don’t you let me braid your hair and paint your nails while we let the boys play? Does that sound like fun?” 

“Yes! Can she Uncle Blake?” She looks up at me with pleading eyes and I just smile at her and nod my head. 

“Yay!” she wraps her arms around my neck and gives me a hug. When she pulls away I pick her up and put her back on the floor while Gwen takes her hand to take her to do their girl stuff. 

As they are about to leave the kitchen I speak up. “Hey Ryan!” She looks back at me. “Just know that I am the king and there will be no price making their way into the castle as long as I’m around.” 

Gwen scoffs and looks down at Ryan. “Don’t listen to him sweetheart you will have a prince before you’re even sixteen.” 

“No!” I insist, but it’s pointless because the kitchen door closes behind them leaving me alone with no response. I sigh and put my glass in the sink making my way into the living room to play with the boys for a while. 

After walking the plank countless times and being poked by plastic swords in the most sensitive areas, it comes time for us to leave Gwen’s house and head back to mine. The kids are getting worn out and I am going to have to get them up early tomorrow, so we can make it to set on time. I have a call time of 8 a.m.. 

“Alright guys say thank you to Gwen and the boys for letting you come over and play” 

“Thanks.” They both give a small wave. 

“You’re welcome! We had so much fun. Are we going to see them tomorrow mom?” King looks up at Gwen for an answer. 

“Well I wasn’t planning on taking you guys with me tomorrow, but I guess I can change my plans.” 

“Alright!” All three boys shout running off back into the house finding their second wind while Ryan and Jace are still leaning against my legs for support. 

“Thanks for inviting us. I really appreciated the company.” 

“Anytime Blake. These two are always welcome.” She smiles down at the kids. 

“Well I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Yeah, see you tomorrow.” She leans in and gives me a tight hug full of support along with an encouraging pat on the back. Before she pulls back she whispers in my ear, “You’re so strong and you’re doing an amazing job. I think you know exactly what you’re doing.” 

I rub her back one more time before pulling away completely and give her a shy smile. “Thanks.” She smiles and waves at me one more time before closing the door. I turn and walk to the car getting the kids strapped in tight ready for the ride home. 

Bedtime wasn’t a hassle tonight because they were so exhausted from their day of play. The only protest I got was when I told Ryan I had to take out her braids for bath time. Not wanting to bring on a tantrum I just let her be. What could one more day hurt really? After teeth were brushed, we all crawled into my bed for the night. The kids were barely getting used to their rooms in Oklahoma so they for sure weren’t about to spend the night alone here. 

“Goodnight guys. I love you.” I say as I kiss both of their heads about to turn off the lamp at my bedside. 

“Night. Love you too” They both say 

Before my hand reaches the lamp Jace pipes up in a shy voice hiding his mouth behind the covers. “Uncle Blake?” 

“Yeah buddy?” I look over at him. 

“Can we say goodnight to mommy and daddy too?” 

I bring him closer to me and wrap him in my arms while I kiss his head. “Of course we can. I’m sure they would love that.” I nod at him letting him know it’s okay to speak up. 

He looks up at the ceiling. “Goodnight mommy, goodnight daddy. I miss you and I love you. I wish you could have played with us today.” I’m doing everything in my power to keep the waterworks at bay knowing I can’t break down until they fall asleep. Ryan speaks up next. 

“Yeah, Goodnight mommy, goodnight daddy. I miss you too. You should see my nails and my hair. I love you too!” I smile at them reaching over to turn off the lamp once I know they’re done. 

“What about you Uncle Blake?” 

I look down at Jace and understand he wants me to say goodnight too. “Goodnight En, goodnight Mike. I love y’all and I promise I’m doing the best I can just keep guiding me.” Saying goodnight with the kids seemed to give me some kind of peace as I fell asleep with them for the first time and didn’t wake up until my alarm went off at seven the next morning.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, please, please comment. They really inspire me to write and let me know that y'all are liking what I'm doing. By the way I changed the title. I feel like it fits Blake more because it's exactly what he's doing, "Trying to Figure It Out". Whatever "it" may be; why Endy and Mike died, how to take care of the kids, or what he has going on with Gwen. Again thanks so much for reading I really appreciate y'alls feedback and support!

_“Can I come in?” I look up and see Endy at the door._

_“Yeah” I move over on the bed and make room for her to sit down, still in my suit. We had just gotten back from Richie’s funeral and everyone was downstairs talking and eating…grieving. It was all too overwhelming, so I found myself upstairs in his room just staring at the four walls allowing the fact that he will never walk in this room ever again sink in._  
_Endy sits down on the bed and just sighs and looks around like I had been before she walked in. I guess she’s thinking the same thing._

_“You know he’s not really gone, right?”_

_“Yes, he is En. He’s never coming back.” I swallow the lump in my throat._

_“No, he’s not.” She shakes her head at me. She must be in some kind of denial._

_“Tell me how he’s not gone Endy. I think all of those people downstairs would say otherwise.” I was starting to get irritated. I didn’t want to accept the fact that he was gone either, but it was the truth and she had no right to make me keep repeating it._

_“Physically he’s gone Blake I know that I’m not stupid, but he’s still as here as he used to be in this room. Just look around. Everything that made him who he was is inside this bedroom. From the clothes to the records sitting over there by the record player. He’s here. Always will be.” I just looked down at my tie._

_“It’s not the same.”_

_“No, but it’s better than nothing.”_

_“Why him, why not the other driver?” It’s a question that I keep asking myself ever since my parents told me about the accident in the first place._

_“Don’t wish this on anyone else Blake. You couldn’t possibly wish the pain you’re feeling right now on anyone else and feel right about yourself.”_

_“Maybe not, but I’d still have my big brother right now.” She just looks at me in silence for a minute like she’s thinking before she speaks up._

_“You know that line in the Randy Travis song?”_

_“Which one?”_

_“Three Wooden Crosses. Remember the line where he says, ‘I guess it’s not what you take when you leave this world behind you, it’s what you leave behind you when you go.’?” She hums the tune softly. “Maybe that’s why God took Richie instead. Maybe Richie had already left behind what he was meant to leave behind.”_

_“He was only 24 Endy.”_

_“So? He served his country, he left behind a sister who he taught how to love, he left behind a mother who learned so much about life because of him, and he left behind a little brother with a passion for music bigger than anyone I’ve ever seen.” She nudged me with her shoulder. “He was around long enough to help you figure out who you were wasn’t he?”_

_“Yeah, he was.”_

_“Well maybe the other driver hasn’t been able to do all of that stuff for anyone else yet. They still have to serve their purpose. Our brother was just awesome and did all of those things really fast huh?” I smiled at that because Richie was awesome. He was my hero and my biggest influence beside Endy._

_“I love you.” I said as I leaned over and hugged her._

_“I love you too and people you love are never truly gone remember that.” She said as she wrapped her arms around me._

I’m snapped out of my memory from Adam clapping me on the shoulder and calling my name.

“Yeah, yeah what’s up?” I ask shaking my head and rubbing my hand over my face.

“Nothing man, just that the meeting’s over. Are you sure you’re alright dude? You were zoned out for quite a while.” I knew he was concerned. As soon as I had walked in this morning with the kids he was wrapping me in a hug. I hadn’t even had time to get to my trailer. He had given me a doubtful look after I had told him I was fine and returned his hug. I just gave him a glare indicating that I didn’t want to talk about it around the kids. He seemed to understand, but he had been keeping his eye on me ever since.

“Yeah man just daydreaming. I’m alright I promise.” I can see Gwen at the other end of the long conference table looking at us out of the corner of her eye while pretending to finish writing something on her notebook before leaving.

“You know you can talk to me, right? I’m here for you.”

“I know. I appreciate it, thank you, but I really don’t have anything to say right now.”

“Alright well, you know where to find me.” I just nod my head and watch him walk off.

As soon as the door closes behind him it’s just me and Gwen in the room and I slouch back in the chair and release the deepest breath while I hide my face with my hands. The kids were all hanging out together in a room that was set up for the kids on set. It was safe and it had toys and company so I knew I had a minute to myself before I had to go check on them.

“You lied to him.” Gwen’s voice interrupts the silence.

“What?” I move my hands but keep my head against the back of the chair and look at her from under my eyelids.

“Adam, you told him you were okay and you’re not. Why won’t you talk to him?”

I sigh. “I’m already bothering you with my problems, why drag him into them too? He’s happy right now and I don’t want to ruin that.”

“Oh, so you’re okay with ruining my happiness?” I look at her and she quirks her eyebrow at me.

“Shut up, you’re not happy either. God hates us both remember?” I use my hand to gesture between the two of us and she bursts out laughing.

“What a thing to have in common.” I chuckle and lay my head back down on the chair content with just sitting here with her for a little while longer.

“You should still talk to him though. If he’s asking, it means you’re not a bother. He cares Blake, don’t shut him out.” She continues.

“Or it means he’s asking because that’s what friends are supposed to do.”

“Blake.”

“I know that’s not true, I’ll talk to him I promise. I’m sorry, I know he cares I’m just not great about opening up to a lot of people about things like this.”

“You haven’t had a problem opening up to me.”

“Yeah, but you’re different.”

“How?”

“Never mind. I’ll talk to him okay?” I am trying to get her to change the subject, but it doesn't work. 

“How am I different Blake?” I look up and meet her eyes. I know she’s not going to let me out of this. I really had no intention of making that comment and letting it go this far. To be honest I don’t even know the answer to her question.

“I don’t know Gwen, you just are.” I try getting off with a half assed answer, but it’s not working because she’s still staring at me. “Maybe it’s because you’re hurting right now too.” Still not good enough. Dammit.

“You didn’t know that at first.”

“I saw something in your eyes I recognized, I just didn’t know what it was until you told me about Gavin that day.”

“When?”

“Before I stormed off set the day Miranda told me about the accident. I looked back and when I met your eyes I saw a feeling I recognized I just didn’t know what it was. I guess it made me feel comfortable to open up to you. I don’t know.” I avert my eyes embarrassed by my answer. I start to fidget in my chair no longer comfortable with the atmosphere in the room.

“I felt like I knew what you were going to say before you even got the chance to say it.” Now it’s her avoiding eye contact as I look back at her shocked by her admission.

“Really?” She nods.

“You looked exactly how I felt and I kept wondering if I was doing a good enough job at hiding it. It felt like you were exposing me as well.”

“The eyes don’t lie,” came my reply. She just nods and makes eye contact with me again.

“I felt like I knew you immediately when I saw the pain in your eyes even though I didn’t know the first thing about you beside that you’re funny and handsome.” She smirks at me trying to lighten the mood.

I just tilt my head and smile at her making her blush. She glances away for a second before locking eyes with me again. I give her a wink.

“I could say the same exact thing about you, well except the handsome part.” I chuckle, “Beautiful suits you better.”

“Thanks,” she whispers still blushing but looking me straight in the eye.

A knock on the door interrupts us as Carson pops his head in and says, “Hey Blake, sorry to interrupt but Brandon is here to see you and he doesn’t look too happy.”

“Shit.” I know I must look like a dear in the headlights because Gwen asks me what’s wrong.

“I haven’t even made time to tell Brandon what happened. The only thing he knows is that about a week ago I called him demanding a plane on the tarmac in 30 minutes when I was supposed to be here for another two weeks. I ignored his calls for a week and forgot to call him when I got back here. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.” I keep mumbling to myself looking down at my boots.

“Hey, don’t worry just go out and tell him what happened. There’s no way he can be mad at you. He will understand Blake.”

I rub my hands over my knees. “Alright let’s get this over with.” I sigh whispering to myself giving myself a pep talk before having to go out there and face my furious manager.

When I get out there Ryan and Jace are already talking Brandon’s ear off about whatever toy they were playing with. He looks up and sees me and at first, I see anger flash across his eyes, but then it turns to concern. That’s when I remember my weight. Damn I needed to start eating again. I point to my trailer and he nods looking back to the kids saying he needed to leave for a minute but would come back and play.

As soon as the trailer door shuts it begins.

“What the hell Blake?! You can’t just call and demand a plane then ignore me for a week! Why are Ryan and Jace here? Are you okay? How did you lose so much weight so fast? Blake, hello?!” I sit down on the couch and stare up at him ready to relive the hardest week of my life.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter yet!!! Stuff to come between Gwen and Blake soon. I'm eager to explore writing that. Comments were great last chapter so let's keep it up. I really appreciate and thrive on y'alls feedback.

“Brandon please calm down. Will you just sit down so I can fill you in?” I am holding my hand out in front of me from where I sit on the couch hoping Brandon will lower his voice and sit down.  


“No Blake! I’m not going to sit down, tell me what the hell is going on right now!” I don’t know why, but him yelling makes me emotional. I just want him to sit so I can explain myself and the hell I’ve been through this week. I want my friend to understand and feeling like he’s angry at me is just bringing tears to my eyes. I never let them fall though as I look up at him hoping he will understand the gravity of the situation. Thankfully he does because as soon as he sees my face his voice softens and he makes his way towards me on the couch.  


“What’s wrong man? I’m just worried, you never disappear like that and with all the stuff going on with Miranda my mind immediately went to the worst-case scenario.” His softer tone is helping me gain my composure back.  


“This has nothing to do with Miranda trust me.” I look at him and shake my head.  


“Then what is it?” He looks surprised for a minute that Miranda wasn’t the reason behind all this, but his expression quickly gets concerned again.  


“Brandon the kids aren’t here with me just to visit.” I try to dance around the subject not wanting to say it for what it is, hoping he might put the pieces together himself. He just stares at me confused.  


“What do you mean? Where are Mike and Endy?” I just sigh because he’s not getting it and I don’t want to have to say it, but I guess I’m going to have to.  


“The day I called you demanding a plane was because Miranda showed up here and told me…”  


“I thought you said this has nothing to do with Miranda.” He interrupts me.  


“It doesn’t please just listen Brandon.” I wait for him to nod his head in understanding before I continue. “Anyway, Miranda showed up here and told me that she had gotten a call from a hospital in Oklahoma and they told her that Mike and Endy had been in a car accident.” He gasps.  


“Oh my God, Blake are they going to be okay?” I just look at him with sad eyes and understanding because I didn’t want to believe it either. Nobody ever thinks something like this will happen to someone close to them, but here I am and it’s happened twice.  


“No Brandon. They didn’t make it.” There’s a short, shocked silence between the two of us before I speak up again. “Endy and Mike had left the kids to Miranda and me in their will. I told Miranda I could handle it on my own and called you asking for a plane back home immediately.”  


“I don’t even know what to say. I’m so sorry Blake I didn’t mean to come off as an ass. If I would have known I wouldn’t have been so…” He doesn’t even have the words to finish his sentence before he claps his hand over his mouth and looks at me with wide eyes still shocked.  


“It’s okay, you didn’t know. I just needed to disconnect from everyone who wasn’t family for a while. I should have let you know though and that’s on me, I just wasn’t thinking about that at the time.”  


“Understandably. Are you okay though? How are the kids holding up? Why are you already back here? God I’m so sorry man I just can’t believe it.” He’s looking at me like he’s wondering how I’m so composed right now.  


“The kids are struggling. I’ve been sharing tears and a bed every night. It’s hard because they’re so young they don’t really understand and they keep asking me why. Every time they mention them you can see the pain and confusion in their eyes. Everyday gets better though. As for me, man I’m hurting so bad right now and it takes everything in me not to break in front of those kids out there. I’m a dad now though and that’s keeping me afloat. Plus, everyone here has been so supportive I owe them so much. Well except for Mark. He’s the reason I’m here, he told me I needed to be here today or I would be released from my contract and I wasn’t about to lose every part of my life.”  


“That’s shitty of him. You’d think he’d give you more time.”  


“Yeah, you’d think.” I let out a bitter chuckle.  


“I’m glad you’re figuring it out and that you have a good support system, but don’t jump into things too fast. Take some time to heal because if you don’t, once you get the kids into a routine the numbness will wear off and you’re going to feel raw.”  


“I know and I’m not anywhere near okay right now I just wanted to get Ryan and Jace out of Oklahoma. Endy and Mike won’t ever just be pushed to the wayside don’t worry.”  


“Good. I hope you know I’m here for you and willing to help in any way I can. I will try and stall the press on any news and I won’t book anything for you until you tell me you’re ready. I can’t express how sorry I am for you.”  


“Thanks,” I say shaking his hand as he goes to stand up.  


“No problem and if you ever need a breather or anything, Ryan and Jace are always welcome. I’m sure Kelly would love to have them.”  


“I appreciate it.”  


“Alright, well I will see you soon. Please call me.” He pleads as he opens the door to leave.  


“I will I promise.” I give him a smile to show him I will be alright. I watch him walk away and before he leaves the studio, he kneels in front of the kids and gives them the tightest hug possible and kiss them on the head. He wipes under his eyes when he gets up and walks out of the studio without looking back.  


“How did that go?” I snap my head to the right to see Gwen standing there holding two cups of coffee in her hands.  


“Fine. After I told him what happened.” She nods her head. “Is one of those for me?” I raise my eyebrow and gesture to the coffee.  


She doesn’t respond for a minute, just keeps her eyes locked on mine then she snaps out of it and looks down at the coffee as if she forgot she was holding it. “Yeah, I figured you could use one. You look like you haven’t been sleeping at all.” She says handing me the cup.  


“Well thanks. Glad to know I look as crappy as I feel.” I take my cup from her hands and toast it against hers.  


“That’s not what I meant Blake. I just know how hard…” I chuckle.  


“It’s okay Gwen. I was just messing with you.” She sighs and looks relieved.  


“So, do you want to tell me where you went earlier during the meeting? You were completely zoned out.” Again, we find ourselves watching the kids from a distance while we talk.  


“I was just thinking about what Endy told me when my brother Richie died. She told me that he had already fulfilled his purpose in life and left behind what he needed to leave behind, so I was just wondering what Endy and Mike finally did to make God decide that their purpose here was complete. Then I think about myself and I wonder what more I could possibly do.”  


“You could raise those kids. Maybe that’s your purpose. Who you are isn’t defined by your success, it’s about who you influence along the way. We just haven’t gotten to the right person yet, but while we’ve been looking we’ve been able to change other people’s lives for the better too.”  


“Maybe.” I take a sip of my coffee. “Any progress with you?” She beams at me.  


“Gavin signed the papers. I guess my note got the point across.”  


“Really? That’s great Gwen! I’m still waiting on Miranda. What about the kids, when are you going to tell them?” Her smile falters.  


“He’s coming over on Friday so we can tell them together, then he’s going to take them for the weekend. As much as I hate him, I can’t take his kids away. They don’t deserve it.”  


“I’m sorry it has to work out like that, but I’m glad they get to have both of you in their lives.”  


“Me too. It’s just going to be weird in an empty house. I’m used to constant noise and for it to become silent is scary.”  


“Well you could come over to my place and have all the noise you want. I could use all the help I can get.” She looks at me out of the corner of her eye and smirks.  


“Alright Cowboy. I’ll keep that in mind.”  


“Good. Now let’s go play with the kids for a little bit before we have to go back and film.” I nudge her and start walking towards the designated play room, Gwen not far behind.  


We had been playing with the kids for about half an hour, participating in all kinds of games. The activity of choice at the moment was Legos. All the kids had been interacting and being silly and careless with what they were building, but not Jace. No, Jace was very focused on what he was building and hadn’t even looked up to acknowledge anyone else. I let him be and go back to helping the others find specific pieces with Gwen sitting next to me doing the same.  


“Daddy look!” I hear Jace shout followed by and excited tap on my shoulder. Everyone in the room is stunned into silence. My head snaps over to Jace so fast and just in time to see the realization of what he just said take over him. He then looks away from his creation and up at me with so much worry in his eyes like he was about to get in trouble for the slip up, or that he had betrayed his real father for letting the name pass his lips. I can see the tears in his eyes and when I clear my throat to speak he starts crying. I feel Gwen’s hand on my shoulder and I look up at her. She gives me an encouraging look as she squeezes my shoulder gathering the other kids to take out of the room so that I can have a talk with Jace.  


“Jace,” I say keeping the tone gentle wanting him to know he’s not in trouble. He keeps crying and I want so bad to scoop him up and comfort him but he looks terrified of me at the moment. I decide it’s safe to put a hand on his back to try and get his attention. He flinches slightly, but looks up at me tears streaming down his face.  


“Jace, it’s okay buddy.”  


“No, it’s not!” He yells and I’m a little taken back by his tone. “You’re not my daddy!” Even though it’s true, that still hurt me.  


“No, I’m not, but you didn’t mean it buddy. You were just excited. I will never replace your daddy and I know that, but I’m still your Uncle Blake and I want you to be happy. Can we please stop the tears because you didn’t do anything wrong bub.”  


“Daddy will be mad at me.” His sobs have turned into whimpers now and he looks completely heartbroken by his mistake. At this point I can’t take it anymore as I scoot closer to him and put my arm around him pulling him into my chest. He tries to resist but eventually gives in.  


“No, he won’t. He will understand. He knows you haven’t forgotten about him. You guys have just been spending a lot of time with me lately and I have been doing what daddy usually does, so you just got confused. That’s all it is buddy and it is okay. He’s not going to be mad and neither is mommy.”  


“Are you sure?” He’s shy again.  


“I’m positive.”  


“You don’t want me and Ryan to call you daddy?” I really don’t know my personal answer to this question, but I know the right answer.  


“No buddy. I like being called Uncle Blake and I am never going to be your real daddy even if I act like it. I don’t ever want you to forget your daddy. That name belongs to him because he made you, but I love you just the same and I want to make sure you know that. It’s okay that you mixed us up today.”  


“I love you too Uncle Blake.” I tighten my embrace around him.  


“How about we go show everybody what you built?” I ask hoping to cheer him up.  


“Okay.” He pulls away to pick up his castle and I stand up and take his hand to go find the others.  


When we get out there I am greeted by two sets of arms circling around my legs and a chorus of apologies. I look down to find Kingston and Zuma and when I lock eyes with Gwen I understand that she had to tell them about what happened in order to explain why Jace had called me “daddy”.  


“It’s okay guys. Thank you. Jace has something he wants to show you.” I divert the attention back to the fun. It works and pretty soon they are all caught up in playing games based on the castle. All except Ryan who is pressed up against Gwen’s side on the couch looking angry. I walk over and squat in front of them wanting to be able to make eye contact. I reach out and place my hand on Ryan’s knee but she swats it away immediately and crosses her arms in front of her chest while burning a hole through me with her eyes. I frown at the rejection.  


“What’s wrong sweetheart?”  


“Why did he call you that?” Her words are bitter and her eyes are still squinted with anger.  


“He just got excited and got confused Ryan. He didn’t mean it.”  


“You’re not our daddy.” It hurts just as much coming from her as it did coming from Jace earlier. I glance at Gwen for a second trying to hide the pain in my eyes from Ryan. Gwen sees it and she is just radiating pitty right now.  


“I know honey and I told Jace that I am just Uncle Blake. That’s all I’ll ever be. I don’t want to replace your daddy.” I try placing a hand on her knee again. This time she allows it, but she still looks like she doesn’t like it. She just stares at me trying to decide if she wants to be angry still or not.  


“I love you Ryan. Your mommy and daddy haven’t been forgotten believe me.” The fire in her eyes finally fizzles out.  


“I love you too Uncle Blake.” I swear she put emphasis on the ‘Uncle Blake’ to make sure I knew my place. She ran off the be with her brother leaving me with my arms spread open in front of me. I guess she wasn’t comfortable enough to hug me again just yet.  


I clear my throat and stand up with tears in my eyes. I look towards Gwen and ask, “would you mind watching them, I need a minute?” She nods without hesitation understanding what I’m going through right now. I make my way towards my trailer needing to hear the only voice capable of calming me down.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you think I'm jumping into this too fast. Should I pull back a little or continue? I'd really like a few opinions on this. Feedback is greatly appreciated. Thank you so much for reading!

Well, today is Friday and it’s the last day of filming for this week which means I am going to have the whole weekend off with my mom and the kids. Yeah, my mom. After I called her in tears from my trailer on Monday and told her about my struggles with the kids she was on the first plane to LA. It didn’t matter what I said, she was going to come either way. Before I left for work this morning she told me that I wasn’t allowed to come home before midnight. Things were still rocky with me and Ryan and I guess she could see that it was taking a toll on me, so she told me I had to find somebody to go out with tonight to have fun because I was stressing too much with the kids, pushing everyone away in the process. What kind of parent tells their kid they can’t come home, to their own house no less, unless it’s after midnight? Apparently, the kind of parent that knows their 40-year-old child has been going to bed at 7:30 every night for two weeks after watching an episode of SpongeBob. 

Now here I am sitting in my truck in the parking lot of the empty set of the Voice wondering where the hell I could go kill time until midnight rolls around. I thought about calling Adam and asking him out for drinks, but drinking didn’t sound too appealing tonight and I knew Behati just got back after a weeklong trip to London for a fashion show. I even thought about staying in my truck and taking a nap since I haven’t been getting enough sleep, but I promised my momma that I would try to have fun tonight and I owe her that. Then I thought about Gwen, she had told me at the beginning of the week that she wasn’t ready to see Gavin today and she definitely wasn’t ready to give her kids up for the weekend. She wasn’t her normal self today on set, she was extra quiet and she looked tense all day. I wanted to talk to her about it, but I was always being pulled in a different direction and when we were finally done for the day she was already gone. I looked at the time on the dash to see that the kids should be gone by now which meant she was sitting alone in her house for the first time since she kicked Gavin out. I didn’t even hesitate, I turned the ignition and headed in the direction of her house without even calling her. Somehow, I knew she needed me tonight. 

About 45 minutes later I’m standing at her door holding a grocery bag containing sweets ranging from candy to ice cream and some chips that I had seen her eat a few times on set. I suddenly got nervous after ringing the doorbell because what if she didn’t want to see me tonight? What if she just went to bed early because the kids were gone and me being here is waking her up? Before I could beat myself up for showing up unannounced, the door swings open and I’m faced with an upset Gwen. She is wearing baggy sweats and a tank top, her hair is up in a messy bun, and there wasn’t a trace of makeup on her face. What caught my attention the most was the fact that her eyes were red and puffy and her nose was runny. I didn’t even give her a chance to ask why I was there, I just stepped forward and took her in my arms giving her a tight hug, which she reciprocated. The longer we stood there, the further her head burrowed into the crook of my neck and the tighter her arms got around my waist. 

“You remembered.” She whispered into my neck and feeling her breath tickle my skin gave me goosebumps all over my body. It rendered me speechless for about five second as I just reveled in the feeling and wondered what it meant. I was surprised to hear such wonder in her voice as if I would forget that she had told me today was going to be difficult for her. She has been so good for me these past two weeks and I thought she knew that the support was reciprocated. 

“Of course I did. How could I forget?” I whispered right back into her hair pressing a gentle kiss to her scalp after I finish speaking hoping I could make her feel better. This is the most/longest we’ve ever touched at one time, but I can tell she needs the comfort and to be honest I don’t really mind the affection. The only cuddles I’ve gotten lately have been from Jace. Even Ryan had taken to sleeping as far away as possible on the opposite side of the bed trying to prove her point that I wasn’t daddy. 

Gwen didn’t answer me she just kept her arms wrapped around me in the doorway for about two more minutes before shyly pulling away and wiping at her nose after sniffling a few times. “Thank you,” she said avoiding eye contact. I didn’t know what she was thanking me for, was it for holding her or was it for showing up and remembering? 

“No problem. I figured you could use some company tonight and I wanted to make sure you were okay. I also brought treats. I think we could both use a binge tonight.” She giggled and that made me smile. I loved seeing the light in her eyes. It had been gone earlier today, so I’m glad I could bring it back. 

“I think you’re right Cowboy. Come on in so we can see what you got. Where are Ryan and Jace?” She asks leading me to the kitchen. 

“With my mom. I’m hope you’re okay with me showing up here. I didn’t know if you’d want company tonight. It’s totally cool if you don’t, I can leave.” 

“No Blake, I’m glad you’re here. I probably would’ve cried myself to sleep in about half an hour if you hadn’t shown up.” 

“Well you’re stuck with me for more than half an hour because I’m not allowed home until after midnight.” At this point we had made it to the kitchen and she was assessing what was in the grocery bag, but she looked up at me after that statement. 

“What?” 

“My mom told me she would kick my ass if I walked in my house a minute before midnight. Apparently going to bed at 7:30 every night after getting caught up on SpongeBob’s latest endeavors isn’t normal for a 40-year-old man. Who knew?” She just stared at me for a few seconds with her lips sucked in and I could tell she was trying to hold back her laughter. I wanted her to let it out. 

“By the way, Sandy, the squirrel, is leaving the Bikini Bottom for Texas soon and I’m pretty tore up about it.” And there it is, she’s howling with laughter and I follow along knowing just how ridiculous I sound. Next thing I know she is bracing herself with a hand on my forearm that was leaning on the counter. My laughter dies with hers as I get the goosebumps again as my skin reacts to her touch. 

“Oh my gosh Blake you are too funny. Thank you I needed a laugh like that.” Our breath is returning back to normal, but she keeps her hand on my arm close to my wrist. 

“That’s what I’m here for darlin’.” Her eyes meet mine then and she’s giving me a small smile as an acknowledgement to the endearment I just used for her. I didn’t intentionally use it, it just slipped out, but I’m guessing by the smile on her face she liked it. Impulsively I move my hand up and squeeze her hand that had been resting on my forearm while keeping eye contact and smiling right back at her. I don’t hold on for long before I let go and break eye contact not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable. Besides I’m not really sure what is happening and I need to process it before I read something wrong and lose a friend like Gwen. 

“So, what looks good?” I ask turning back to the snack selection on the counter. She clears her throat before answering. 

“Tonight feels like a peanut butter night, so I’ll take the Reese’s. Your pick Cowboy.” I can see her smirk at me form the corner of my eye, so I bring my index finger to my chin and squint my eyes making it look like I’m thinking real hard about it. She giggles. 

“I think I’m going to go for the cookies and cream ice cream tonight. Downing a pint of ice cream in one-night sounds like something a man in his forties who watches SpongeBob with kids would do. Gotta stay true to myself.” I joke reaching for the pint and spoon laid out before me. She giggles again and it is making me so happy to hear her laugh. It’s like an addiction, I constantly have to hear it when I’m around her. 

“Do you have a movie you want to watch or do you just want to talk?” 

“I don’t really want to think about what I had to do tonight, so I think a movie sounds good. If that’s alright with you.” 

“I came here to do what you wanted to do tonight darlin’.” There’s that term again. “Whatever makes you happy.” 

“Whatever makes me happy?” I just chuckle and nod at her playful tone. 

“Even if that means the movie I pick happens to be ‘The Sound of Music’?” I find another opportunity to make her laugh so I jump on it. 

“You know what I just remembered that I had this thing to do tonight.” I use a playful tone right back smiling at her while pretending to push up from the counter to leave. She just laughs and smacks my chest. 

“Oh, whatever Blake Shelton! It was your idea to come over here. You’re committed now.” She smirks at me as she takes my hand and leads me to the living room to watch the movie snacks in hand. 

I sit on the couch while she sets up the movie. I sat on the left side of the couch not wanting to sit in the middle so when she sat down she would be able to put some space between us and not be uncomfortable, but when she turned to sit down she seemed to think about her options for a second before grabbing a blanket and plopping right next to me spreading the blanket over both of us. We smiled at each other and then the movie started and we turned our attention to that. 

We had been relatively quiet the entire movie, but at some scene in the middle I felt her hand on my thigh and she started to bounce up and down squealing a little. “This is my favorite part! Watch, watch!” Her eyes were fixed on the screen as she started to sing along to the song, but my eyes were fixed on her. I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face if I tried, she was so adorable right now and her hand was still on my thigh as she sang along. I don’t think she realized she was still touching me, but it was all I could think about. That was the moment I decided that I liked Gwen for more than a friend. Honestly it scared me because of everything going on in my life. I don’t have time for a crush and besides she literally just got her divorce papers back there’s no way she’s thinking about starting a new relationship right now. I wasn’t either. Up until that point Gwen had just been a really supportive friend. My mind never even had time to think about her as more, but right now sitting in her living room with her hand on my leg as she sings along to a song in the movie, something clicked. I was going to have to hold it inside though because I wasn’t going to risk losing her just because I was attracted to her. 

She must have sensed me staring or something because she suddenly looked over at me with a huge smile on her face. 

“What?” She’s still grinning. 

“Nothing.” I respond simply while shaking my head and smiling. I pat her hand on my leg with my own. To my surprise she doesn’t let me pull my hand away as she smoothly intertwines her fingers with mine holding her hand in my lap. My grin turns into an amused smile as I flick my eyes back up to hers from our hands. Her smile mirrors mine and we seem to get lost for a second just looking into each other’s eyes. 

After a minute, she grins again and turns her gaze back to the screen and says, “pay attention” while keeping her hand loosely intertwined with mine. 

“Yes ma’am” I chuckle giving her hand a small squeeze. I knew that was her way of telling me that she didn’t want to acknowledge what was going on, she just wanted me to go with it and I was perfectly okay with that because I was still confused myself. This was so sudden and unexpected and scary, but completely welcome. 

By the time the movie ends the snacks are gone and we are both getting tired, so I reluctantly unlace my fingers from hers and check the time on my phone. I don’t want to overstay my welcome. 

“Well, it looks as though I’m well past my curfew so it should be safe to head home by now.” I say glancing back over at Gwen. She frowns, but I can tell she’s tired and trying to hold back a yawn. 

“Yeah I guess you’re right. I should get to bed. I promised the boys I would call them by seven tomorrow morning. Thanks for coming Blake, I had a really good time with you tonight. You made this crappy situation so much easier for me to handle.” 

“It’s my pleasure. Besides, you’ve been there for me countless times the last couple of weeks. I had a great time too.” I smile at her as I say it wanting her to see that I’m being genuine and didn’t feel any kind of obligation. I wanted to be here. 

When we get up to head to the door she casually takes my hand again. She opens the door for me and before I exit I turn to look at her one more time. She looks up at me and smirks. Being bold I place my hand on her waist and lean in to peck her cheek and then her forehead. Once I pull back without retracting my hand I say, “why don’t you add me to that list of calls you have to make tomorrow morning?” 

She wasn’t expecting me to do that so the smile is replaced with a shocked look, but it quickly returns. She clears her throat and says, “sure thing Cowboy. Thanks again for coming over.” With that I walk away towards my truck in the drive. 

“Talk to you soon darlin’.” I shout from the window of my truck this time intentionally using the term of endearment. She gives me a thumbs up and I back out to go home grinning the entire way. I had no clue where all this came from and I knew I had to tread lightly because I had other people to think about now, but I decided I was going to give whatever this was a chance to develop naturally. I wasn’t going to force anything, if it happens, it happens. 

I walk in the door around one in the morning and my mom was waiting up for me. Seriously what is this, high school? I drop my keys and take off my jacket hoping she doesn’t ask too many questions. 

“Well look at you, taking an extra hour. I was sure I was going to have to kick you out for showing up too early.” She’s teasing now. 

“No, I wanted to make sure I avoided that. How were the kids? They’re in my bed, right?” I try to change the subject of the conversation before it even begins. 

“Yes, and they were fine just a little fussy at bath time.” 

“Figures.” I sigh nodding my head. Suddenly the hour is starting to catch up to me, but I know I’m not getting off that easy. 

“So, where’d you go? Who did you get together with?” I don’t really want to get into this right now, but I know the faster I answer her questions, the faster I get to go cuddle up to the kids. 

“I just went to Gwen’s and watched a movie with her. Tonight was her first night without the kids, so I just kept her company.” She gave me a sideways glance and was about to speak to ask another question, but I cut her off. “Look ma, I’m really tired and just want to head up to bed. Can we talk about this tomorrow?” She hesitates. I know she’s curious about Gwen because I had unconsciously brought her up in conversation a couple times this week, telling my mom how great she was. 

“Alright.” She concedes. “We’re talking about it though. Goodnight baby.” She walks up to me and makes me bend down so she can kiss my head. 

“Goodnight momma. Love you. Thanks for watching the kids tonight.” 

“Of course. Love you too.” 

After that I make my way upstairs and change into my pajamas. When I walk into the bedroom I’m greeted by two sleeping children who take up more of the bed than they should. I walk over and just watch them sleep for a minute before I lean down and kiss both of them lightly and whisper an “I love you” before crawling in beside them. Even if Ryan didn’t like me too much right now I still wrapped her in my arms. No matter what, she was going to feel safe and loved. I drift off that night pondering all the ‘what if’s?’ of Gwen and I’s relationship excited already to talk to her tomorrow morning.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I have a lot of time on my hands for the next two days meaning I have a lot of time to write. If I stay inspired I may be able to crank out a couple more. Seeing that nothing comes up. Let me know what you thought of this chapter please. I love reading y'alls feedback. It makes me smile.

It feels like as soon as I closed my eyes I was opening them again. Not from a nightmare though. Ryan was quietly calling out for me from her side of the bed. She didn’t sound angry for the first time this week, but that’s probably because she sounded miserable. I sit up and look towards her as the first rays of morning light come through the curtains. 

“What’s wrong sweetheart?” I ask while rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. 

“I don’t feel good.” Her voice trembles a little and I immediately feel bad for her. If she didn’t view me as a parent before, she definitely won’t now. Sick kids always want their mommy’s and I was going to have to disappoint her again. Pushing away my insecurities, I get up and make my way over to her as quiet as possible since Jace was still sleeping peacefully in the middle of the bed. 

“What hurts?” I crouch down beside her and place my hand on her back under her shirt and rub in small circles, something I had seen Endy do a thousand times to keep her calm. I notice her skin is hot to the touch, so I’m guessing she has a fever. 

“My tummy.” She whimpers out. All the sudden her head snaps up and she is looking at me with wide eyes. I may not have much experience at this parenting thing, but I think I know that look. I frantically search for the wastebasket by the bed in hopes of preventing a mess, but by the time I get my hands on it, it’s too late. She can’t hold it in anymore and she throws up all over herself and the comforter. I cringe at the sight of it and then the smell hit and it got even worse, but I know I’m the adult in this situation so I need to get over it. The first thing I do is gently pick Jace up and take him downstairs and lay him on the couch covering him with a blanket not wanting to leave him in the bed and roll over into the vomit. I go to the kitchen and get a bottle of water for Ryan and jog back upstairs. My mom is still asleep so this is all me. 

I decide I’ll worry about the bed spread later. When I get back in the bedroom Ryan is still sitting in the same spot crying. I know she isn’t feeling good and is probably embarrassed, so I approach the situation as cautiously as possible. I set the bottle of water down next to her on the nightstand and I pluck her off the bed and kiss her cheek to reassure her that everything’s alright. I carry her to the ensuite and set her on the corner of the tub turning the water on making sure the temperature is perfect and putting the wastebasket next to me. After the water is going I turn back to Ryan and start to pull off her soiled clothing. She’s still sniffling lightly as we wait for the tub to fill up. 

“It’s okay sweetheart. You don’t need to be upset, it’s okay we’re going to get you cleaned up and you will feel better. Shh, shh.” I’m whispering in her ear as she had her head resting on my shoulder while I stayed crouched in front of her with my hand in the water testing the temperature. I’m about to pull back and help her in when she shoots of the edge of the bath and goes to the wastebasket sitting next to me throwing up again. I rub her back until she’s done and then I pick her up and place her in the water. She started crying harder again after that. 

“It’s okay honey. You need to calm down or you’re going to keep making yourself sick.” I fill a cup with water and pour it over her back and hair cleaning her up. The warm water seems to be calming her down, so I keep doing it even after she’s clean. After about fifteen minutes she looks like she’s feeling slightly better, so I drain the water and grab a towel to wrap her in. I massage her limbs gently with the towel to dry her off hoping to ease the tension in her body. Once she’s dried off I bundle her up and carry her back to the bedroom to find her some clothes. She’s clinging to me and burying her face in my neck as I walk. I guess her hatred for me is postponed until she feels better. I pick out a pair of warm pajama pants, a t-shirt, and some fluffy pink socks I know she loves. I convince her to take some sips out of the bottle I had set on the nightstand earlier and then carry her downstairs to see if I can get her to eat some dry toast. 

Jace was still sleeping on the couch so I took her with me to the kitchen. I tried to put her down on the counter, but she wasn’t going to let that happen. 

“Noo!” She cried and dug her fingernails deeper into my shoulders. 

“Okay, Okay.” I say wincing a little. Note to self, cut her nails soon. 

I use one hand to take out a piece of bread and popped it in the toaster while still supporting her on my hip. Then I make my way over to the medicine cabinet to see if I have anything I can give her. I find some alka seltzer tablets so I put those in some water and see if I can get her to drink it. 

She’s picking at her toast as she sits on my lap at the kitchen table. Apparently, she’s clingy when she’s sick, that’s good to know. 

“Daddy used to make me toast when I was sick too.” I could barely hear her she was whispering so quiet. I heard her nonetheless. I pat her leg and sigh. 

“I’m trying sweetheart. I really am and I’m so sorry your daddy isn’t here right now, but I am and I love you and your brother so much.” 

“We love you too.” She’s still whispering and her eyes are focused on her toast. She almost looks guilty. 

“Can I tell you something Ryan?” She looks up at me and nods her head. 

“It hurts my feelings when you shut me out like you have been this week. I know I’m not your daddy and I miss him too, but I promised your daddy I would take the best care of you guys. You have to give me a chance honey, I am family.” 

“I’m sorry Uncle Blake.” 

“I know sweetheart, but can we forget about this and be friends again because I miss playing with you, and your cuddles at night?” I look down at her and give her a pout. 

She nods and wraps her arms around my neck and gives me a tight hug. 

“Are you feeling better?” I ask still holding her close. 

“A little.” 

“Good now finish your breakfast, then you can go watch cartoons.” 

My mom walks into the kitchen at the same time my phone rings. She smiles seeing Ryan sitting on my lap because she hadn’t touched me all week. I glance at my phone to see it’s Gwen calling. I had been so caught up with Ryan I completely forgot that I was expecting her call. I look back at my mom and gesture to Ryan silently asking her to take her for a minute. She agrees and I answer my phone exiting the kitchen for some privacy. I find myself on the swing on the back porch. 

“Hey sunflower.” I greet her with a grin on my face. 

“Sunflower? That’s new.” I stutter at her response. 

“Sorry. If you don’t like it…” I’m nervous thinking I overstepped. 

“It’s cute” she replies giggling at my nervousness. “It’s just that nobody has ever called me that before.” 

“Well, I’m very original and it totally fits.” 

“If you think so.” 

“I do. So, how did the call with the boys go?” I know she had probably called them first seeing that it was after seven and they were her priority. 

“Good. They were all excited to talk to me and they said they were having fun with their dad. It’s crazy how much you can miss someone after just one night.” 

“Don’t I know it.” I wasn’t just talking about Mike and Endy, I was talking about her too. I loved being around her and as soon as I left last night I missed her. Her company was priceless and knowing that she’s on the same page as I am about our relationship is just an incredible feeling that makes me want to be around her constantly. She didn’t need to know that yet though. 

“So, what are you up to today Cowboy?” I’m pretty sure I only like that nickname because it’s coming out of her mouth. 

“Nothing really. Ryan woke up sick early this morning and I just got her to finish eating some toast and taking medicine, so we are probably just going to hang around here until she feels better.” 

“Aww poor baby. What’s wrong with her?” 

“Just a low fever and some throwing up. Nothing a couple days on the couch can’t fix.” 

“That sucks. I hope she feels better.” 

“Yeah me too, but it may have been a good thing though.” 

“Why?” she sounds confused because in all her experience, sick kids were a nightmare. 

“Ryan and I kind of made up and she seems to be good with me again after I took care of her and we talked some.” She gasps. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah.” I say grinning. “She even gave me a hug and let me hold her on my lap and everything.” I can’t hide my excitement as I share the events from this morning. 

“That’s so great to hear Blake. I’m so happy for you. I told you, they only hate you for a little while, but love always wins.” 

“Yeah, you were right.” I chuckle. 

I hear her let out a happy sigh. “Ahhh I love hearing those words out of a man’s mouth.” 

I huff. “You and every other woman in America.” She laughs then. 

We end up talking about nothing and everything and sharing a few laughs. I don’t even realize how long we had been on the phone until I hear my mom clear her throat from the back door. I look over at her still with a smile on my face and she points to her wrist where a watch would sit. I pull the phone away from my ear for a second to check the time. I’m shocked to realize that we had been talking for over an hour. I put the phone back to my ear. 

“Hey sunflower, I gotta go check on the kids. Maybe we can go to dinner sometime after filming one-day next week.” I realize I basically just asked her out for the first time right in front of my mom, but I can’t bring myself to care. 

“Yeah totally. I would love that.” She sounds shy and I realize this is more official than what we did the other night, but I really wanted to take her out. 

“Great I’ll talk to you soon darlin’.” 

“Talk to you soon. Bye.” 

“Bye.” With that I hang up the phone and face the fact that I have to look up at my mom and have this conversation at some point. I expect to see some kind of disapproval for moving so fast when I look up, but all I get is a satisfied smirk. 

“What?” I ask, blushing embarrassed by her knowing about this so soon. 

“Nothing. I’m just so glad you are happy right now. If that is her doing, I have no right to complain.” 

I smile at her. “She is a big reason behind it, but you have a part in it too you know.” I know it may sound like I’m trying to butter her up, but I am actually being genuine. 

“Oh pfft. I would hate to see the state you would be in right now if that girl wasn’t around.” I laugh at that, but it’s true. I would probably already have failed as a parent if it hadn’t been for Gwen boosting my self-confidence every other hour. 

“If you want a night out with her, I want you to know I am always willing to watch the kids for a night.” Again, I blush. It’s weird talking to your mom about girls. 

“Thanks, ma” She turns to walk inside, but then pauses and looks back at me. 

“Oh, and Blake?” 

“Yeah?” I meet her eyes. 

“Promise me if this gets serious, you’ll let me meet the girl? Also, don’t forget those kids come first always.” 

“I will definitely bring her around and don’t worry, those kids are my life. Nobody takes priority over them.” 

“Good.” She winks at me and walks back inside leaving me on the swing alone for a second before I decide to go in and check on Ryan and Jace. 

“Hey guys, how are y’all doing?” Ryan and Jace are both sprawled out on the couch under about ten blankets watching a cartoon on the television. 

“Good.” They both mumble not even turning their head to look at me and give me the time of day too entranced in the animated characters on the screen. 

I walk back into the kitchen to find my mom sipping on a cup of coffee and looking out the window. I walk over to the coffee pot and start to pour my own glass. 

“Is Ryan okay? I heard her crying earlier, but I wanted you to handle it.” I look over at her quite shocked that she had been awake the entire time, but decided not to help me. I guess I understand her reasoning though. 

“She’s okay, she just has a low fever and threw up a couple of times. I gave her a bath and got her to eat some dry toast and take some medicine.” 

“Good job.” She commended me for handling the situation. 

“She looked pretty happy with you. Did something change or is it just because she’s sick?” 

“No, we had a small talk while she ate and I think she understands now that I know my place and that I’m not trying to replace anyone. She forgave me, apologized, and gave me a hug.” I recall the event with a smile on my face still proud of myself. 

“I’m so proud of you baby boy. You are doing such a good job with them. I never had any doubts.” 

“Thanks ma. I’m actually starting to believe that I’m going to be okay and figure this out.” She doesn’t reply to me, just sets her mug down and walks over to me wrapping her arms around me. I let her hold on as long as she needs because I am the only one left that can give this to her. I’m not going to push her away. Things were starting to look up.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last couple of days that I thought were going to be uneventful turned out not to be, so I didn't get to write like I thought I was. Sorry! I really appreciated all the comments I got on the last chapter though. To make up for the little let down, this chapter is a little longer than usual and I'm going to try and make this length consistent or longer. PLEASE, PLEASE Comment! They make me smile! I hope you like this chapter and thanks for reading!

“You up for drinks tonight man? Your mom still around, so she can watch the kids?” Adam came up from behind me and threw his arm over my shoulders. It’s Tuesday evening and we had just finished filming. Adam and I hadn’t hung out together since I got back and I felt bad turning him down, but Gwen agreed to dinner with me tonight because the kids were with their dad for one of his shows and I wasn’t going to cancel on her for anything. 

“Sorry I already have plans Adam. Maybe next week though.” I didn’t want to go out multiple times a week. Sure, my mom was happy to watch Ryan and Jace for the night, but I wasn’t going to take advantage of her. They are my responsibility not hers. 

“Dude, what’s up? I understand that all this is new for you, but you are allowed to go out still and take time for yourself. I’m sure the kids will understand.” He’s looking at me with concerned eyes. I hadn’t opened up to anyone about how I was feeling except for Gwen, so I can understand why he’s concerned. The most he’s gotten from me lately is an ‘I’m okay, don’t worry’. 

“I’m not lying to you Adam, I’m actually going out tonight. My mom has the kids for the night.” His brow raises in curiosity when he realizes that I’m actually telling him the truth. 

“Wait, really? With who?” 

“Don’t worry about it Adam.” I wasn’t going to tell him I was going out with Gwen. I would never hear the end of it and he would probably start making our lives miserable on set if he knew. I didn’t want to jump the gun either, this could end up being nothing. I hope not. 

Over Adam’s shoulder I see Gwen leaving the set. She smirks at me and winks when she sees that Adam is holding me up. I don’t acknowledge her out of fear Adam would catch on to the secret, so I just look back down at him to see him eying me suspiciously. 

“You would tell me if you needed anything right? You’ve just been distant lately and I know some stuff may be none of my business, but I worry.” Honestly, I’m touched by how concerned he is for me and that’s why he’s such a great friend. He has always been there for me and it almost makes me feel bad about leaving him out of the loop on this, but I have to for now. 

“Of course, man. Thanks for caring so much and I’m sorry for being so distant, but I promise we will get together next week and we can talk. I have to go now though or I’m going to be late.” I was anxious to get to Gwen. 

“Okay go ahead, but I’m holding you to your word. We will go out next week whether you like it or not.” He points at me trying to be stern, but I just chuckle and lean in to give him a hug. 

“See you buddy,” I shout over my shoulder as I walk towards the exit, keys in hand. 

As I pull out of the parking lot I text my mom really quick asking her how the kids were and letting her know I was leaving. She replied back with a simple ‘Everything’s great. Have fun.’ I was headed towards Gwen’s place for dinner. We had agreed that we couldn’t go out in public out of fear of starting any rumors, so she said she would order in. She’s waiting on her doorstep when I pull in the drive immediately making me smile. I was glad she was as excited to see me as I was her. 

“Cowboy!” She shouts as I step out of the car. 

“Sunflower!” I shout right back playing with her and making her giggle. She meets me about halfway between the car and the door and gives me a tight hug. I sense that we’re still on the same page from last time we hung out together so I try to keep it going as I lean down and kiss her forehead as she leans against my chest. She smiles up at me after that and leans up to return the kiss on my cheek. 

“I’m so glad you’re here.” She’s still holding onto my neck and my arms are still around her waist as she talks. 

“Me too. It’ll be nice to get out of the house and I had so much fun last time.” She blushes at the memory, but quickly recovers. 

“I hope we can top that tonight.” She has a playful/flirty tone going right now and my hope rises for this evening. “Come on, I ordered Mexican for dinner.” Her hands drop from my neck, but her right hand grabs my hand from her waist to lead me inside. 

“Queso?” I ask from behind her as she’s tugging me along. I want to make sure she got the essentials. 

She looks over her shoulder at me with a curious expression. “Why else would I order Mexican?” She scoffs continuing to tug on my hand and I just laugh, still shocked that all this is happening. 

“Just checking.” I wink at her. 

“I wasn’t sure if you liked steak or chicken better, so I got you both and then there’s fish for me. I figured fajitas sounded good.” She explains all this as we enter the kitchen. She lets go of my hand to go grab us some plates out of the cabinet. 

“Sounds perfect and I don’t have a preference, so good call on getting both.” I take the plate she is holding out for me and go sit at the table where all the food is set up. 

“So, what did Adam want earlier” She asks while she makes a taco about halfway through dinner. 

“He just wanted to know if I wanted to go out tonight. I told him I already had plans.” I brush it off as if it was nothing not even looking up from what I was doing. 

She doesn’t answer me right away, so I look up to find a small frown on her face while she looks down at the tortilla in her hand. 

“What’s wrong Gwen?” I hope I didn’t make her feel like I would rather be with Adam tonight because that could not be further from the truth. 

“Nothing. It’s just… we didn’t have to do this tonight. I don’t want to take you away from your friends. We’ve been hanging out a lot lately and you’re probably getting tired of me.” She still hasn’t looked up. 

“Sweetheart no.” I reach over and take her free hand and that’s when she looks up at me again. She still has that frown on her face and it’s killing me. “This is where I want to be tonight Gwen. I have so much fun when I’m around you and all the time we’ve spent together lately is gluing me back together. Your presence in my life is something I could never get tired of it has literally saved my life and I mean that from the bottom of my heart darlin’. Please don’t think any different.” I maintain eye contact and squeeze her hand for emphasis, needing her to hear my words. 

Her frown slowly disappears throughout my speech and by the time I finish she has tears in her eyes. “You’re saving me too you know.” She whispers and then sniffles trying to hold her tears in. “I don’t know where I would be if you hadn’t been here for me these past few weeks. I just get scared because I feel like maybe I was too clingy with Gavin and I wonder sometimes if that’s why he did what he did. I’m not saying that it’s the same thing because it’s not like we’re in a relationship or anything yet, but I don’t want you to run away.” By now she’s crying, so I immediately get up from my spot at the table and make my way over to her pulling her up and into my chest where she nuzzles her nose. While she cries I rub her back and smile because during her rant she hadn’t realized her choice of words and said we weren’t in a relationship ‘yet’. We certainly hadn’t discussed our feelings about that and I wasn’t completely sure if she wanted to go there, but that told me what I wanted to hear. I’ll bring that up later, but for now I want to bring her smile back. I leave a kiss in her hair before I speak. 

“Darlin’ if anyone is being clingy, it’s me. The amount of times I’ve called you or bothered you on set with questions about parenting is too many to count. Whenever I’m not at my house, I’m at yours and I’m pretty sure I’ve cried on your shoulder these past few weeks more than I have cried at all in the past twenty years put together. I’m not going to run away Gwen, if I want to go out with Adam I’ll tell you. There’s six more days in the week, you’re not keeping me from anything sweetheart I promise. I want to be with you.” I say all this with my face buried in the crook of her neck because I wanted to be as close to her as possible and I think she found comfort in the proximity. 

Her hands slide up from where they were resting on my back and hesitantly make their way into my hair. She runs her hands through my curls a few times while her sniffles quiet before I feel her tug gently to get me to pull my face from her neck and look at her. Her fingers running through my hair gave me goosebumps and made my heart race. When I look up, I see a smile on her face and a look in her eyes that tells me that my words had an effect on her. 

“I like clingy Blake.” She frowns again, but this time its playful. I just chuckle and shake my head, her fingers still gripping my curls while mine sit on the small of her back. 

“I’m glad darlin’. By the way, I like Gwen period.” I make my tone serious hoping this was the right time to bring this up. 

“I hope so because she’s been trying really hard to get your attention.” I’m surprised by her admission because I’m the one who should be trying to get her attention. 

“Well someone should tell her she’s all Blake thinks about lately.” I play along thinking it’s cute how she was talking in the third person. Maybe it’s making it easier for her to have this conversation. She smiles at me noticing what I did. 

“Blake’s been on Gwen’s mind a lot lately too.” 

I lean down and rest my forehead on hers letting out a happy sigh in no rush to make any kind of move on her. I’m content with just looking in her eyes for now because I know for a fact based on this conversation there will be plenty of time for all the other stuff later. Right now, I just want to soak in the moment, no need to rush. 

“You’re so beautiful.” I whisper bringing my hand up to put a strand of hair behind her ear and letting it rest on her cheek afterwards. I break out of our little game feeling serious and content at the moment. She needs to know. 

She blushes and breaks eye contact, but meets my eyes again within a matter of a second. In the meantime, mine flick to her lips. “And you’re handsome,” she whispers back at me. Her fingers twirl the curls on the nape of my neck as she speaks. We’re still standing in her kitchen, but I’m leaning against the counter, so I’m more on her level and she is standing between my legs leaning against me. 

“Blake really wants to kiss Gwen, but he wants to make sure she’s okay with that.” I return to the game we were playing earlier feeling more confident speaking in the third person. My tone still hushed. 

Her eyes are on my lips now and I just watch her. “Gwen would be more than okay with that.” I can feel the smile form on my lips mimicking the one currently on hers. 

Using the hand that was already on her cheek I tilt her head up and look at her one more time before I close my eyes and lean in. 

The kiss is slow and promising. We don’t try to take it too far we just let our lips explore the others for a few seconds. During the kiss, her hands slid from my hair to my chest and mine moved from her cheek to her neck, the other gripping her waist gently. She grazes her teeth on my bottom lip oh so softly before she pulls away making me moan quietly. Our eyes stay closed for a minute, both of us catching our breath and processing what just happened. 

“Wow,” I whisper opening my eyes to find hers already on me. 

“Yeah, wow,” she said back looking at her hands on my chest rubbing a little. I move my hands to grab both of hers wanting her to look at me. When she does I lean back in and give her a soft lingering peck. I pull back after a couple of seconds. 

“I’m glad we talked about this.” I smirk wanting to ease any kind of tension not wanting her to become uncomfortable in any way. She giggles squeezing my hands. 

“Me too Cowboy.” 

“I love it when you call me that.” 

“Well good because you’re my Cowboy.” I’m giddy on the inside hearing her call me hers. She leans up and gives me another quick peck. “I really like that I can do that now.” Her eyes are still on my lips when I smile. 

“You and me both Sunflower.” She smiles at my use of her nickname. 

“Do you want to watch a movie? I know it’s late and you probably have to get to the kids, but I’m not ready for you to leave.” She’s shy all the sudden as she speaks, scared I’m going to tell her no. Wouldn’t even dream of it. 

“I would love to. My mom promised she had the kids taken care of and told me to stay out as long as I want. I’m not ready to leave you yet either.” I brush my nose against hers making her smile again. 

“Good because Marry Poppins is waiting patiently for us in the living room.” She giggles and I let out a fake groan feigning disapproval as she tugs on my hands leading me to the living room. 

“Next time I get to pick the movie.” 

“Alright Cowboy, as long as it isn’t a movie about killing Bambi I’m all for it.” 

“Hey, I don’t kill Bambi, just some of her friends. I can’t believe you have the audacity to think I would kill such a beloved animal.” I scoff playing with her. She laughs as she pops in the musical with me watching from the couch. 

The difference between last time and now is that this time, she doesn’t think about where to sit. She just grabs a blanket and plops right next to me. I put my arm around her shoulder and her hand finds my lap. That’s how we sit for the duration of the movie and at some point, I feel her rest her head on my chest, so I lean down to kiss her hair before returning my eyes to the screen. 

When the credits start rolling I decide to speak. “Well that was better than I want to admit.” When she doesn’t respond to my comment I look down and find her asleep on my chest. I release a content sigh and stare at her bringing my hand up to gently run my fingers through her hair not wanting to wake her just yet. When I decide it’s probably a good time for me to head home, I lean down and place my lips on hers to wake her up. She doesn’t open her eyes, just kisses me back. We kiss for a few minutes and this time it’s me who pulls back, not wanting this to go any further. 

“I should probably get goin’ darlin’ you need some rest.” She pouts. 

“I wish you could stay.” She brings her hand up to my hair again while the other stays on my thigh and I swear this woman is going to be the death of me. 

“One-day baby.” Her eyes fill with hope and softness at my promise of a future. 

“Okay one-day. One more kiss tonight though.” I chuckle at her request. 

“Gladly.” 

It starts off like the first few kisses, but after a few seconds I feel her lips part and her tongue stroke my bottom lip asking for entrance. I want to pull away and tell her to slow down because I’m worried she’ll regret rushing later, but I can’t do it. I open my mouth granting her request. When her tongue meets mine for the first time, all worries disappear as I become lost in her. The kisses are still slow, but they are so much more passionate and less cautious. When she moans, my instinct takes over and I move her to lay down gently with me hovering over her. It’s not until I feel her hands slip under my shirt and onto my stomach that I start to think logically again and pull back shivering from her touch. 

“Gwen baby,” I let out a little breathless still staring at her lips, her are eyes still closed and her lips are still parted. She’s as gone as I am. “We can’t.” I lean down and nibble at her neck, my body still warring with my words. 

“I know.” She throws her head back and moans again when my teeth bite at her neck a little harder before I pull back and peck her lips on last time before sitting up. 

“I’m going to go before we do something we shouldn’t.” She smiles at how out of it I am. 

“I’ll walk you to the door” She makes to get up, but I stop her quickly. 

“Please don’t because if you do there’s no tellin’ when I’ll leave and as much as I would love that, I’m not going to rush this.” I spit out the words as fast as possible not wanting to give myself time to convince myself not to say them. 

“You are so adorable.” She giggles. “Well, you know your way out Cowboy.” She leans back on the couch and gives me a seducing smirk. I know what she’s trying to do and I don’t appreciate the tease. I groan and look away, unwilling to let her convince me to stay. 

“Stop that,” I whine. 

“What?” She’s biting her lip now, Jesus. 

“That, all that!” I say, circling my hand in front of her. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Yes, you do and I’m leaving now before it actually works.” I get up in a hurry and make my way to the door opening it and not even kissing her goodbye because I know if I lean in now it won’t be a goodbye kiss. 

I hear her laugh as I close the door and shout, “bye Blake!”. I just shake my head and keep my eyes on my truck. Before I back out of the driveway I get a text from Gwen that reads, “Goodnight Cowboy” followed by the red lipstick stain emoji. 

I text her back a quick “Goodnight Sunflower. I’ll see you tomorrow” with a winky face and pull out of the drive and focus on making it home in one piece.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felt like we needed some daddy Blake, so here it is. Let me know what you think by commenting please. Pretty please, with a cherry on top! Thank for reading!

I unlock the door and walk in the house as quiet as possible, well aware that it is the middle of the night and the kids are upstairs asleep. Hopefully my mom is too. After I hang my jacket up and take off my boots, I make my way further into the house and roll my eyes when I see the kitchen light still on. My mom knew where I had been tonight and I’m sure she stayed up so she could get all the details. I’ve been playing Gwen and I’s relationship up to her as just really good friends and that was half true because I knew we had been walking a line before tonight, but I didn’t want to admit that to my mom although I think she was starting to figure it out on her own. I don’t know how much I’m willing to tell her tonight because I feel like I want to keep this just between me and Gwen for now. When I walk in the kitchen, I’m surprised by what I see. Instead of walking in and finding my mom ready to interrogate me, I walk in to find her sitting next to two sleepy heads who are having a late night/early morning snack of milk and cookies. It’s 3 in the morning, why the hell are they up? 

“Hey guys what are you doing up so late?” I know my voice sounds concerned and even though they look okay, I can’t help it. My mom answers for them as they look at me like they’re wondering why I just got home. 

“We’re having a rough night.” My mom is resting her chin in her hand against the counter while her other hand alternates between rubbing Ryan and Jace’s backs in a comforting motion. The expression on her face is sad and tired. My confusion rises. 

“What’s wrong guys?” I make my way over to stand between them on their stools and lean down to bring each of them into either side of me kissing their heads wanting them to talk to me. They just stare at their hands and pick apart the remaining pieces of cookies left on their plate’s. I look up to my mom for some kind of answer and I know she can see the worry in my eyes because she gestures to the living room where she can explain everything without upsetting the kids. 

“Are they mad at me? Did I do something? Do they not like me going out because I can stop?” I spit out all of these questions as soon as we are in the living room. As much as it hurt me to ask the last question and as much as I liked Gwen and how happy she makes me, I would give that up in a heartbeat if it was upsetting them. 

“No baby calm down please. Take a deep breath and look at me.” I follow her instructions calming down enough to where she feels she can start explaining. “They’re just missing mom and dad a little extra tonight. I think it’s been long enough now that it’s finally sinking in that they aren’t just a call away. I think all this time they still had this hope in the back of their mind that Endy and Mike would show up and ring the doorbell to take them home. Now that they have fallen into a new routine and are realizing this is permanent it is making them a little upset. If you’ve noticed, they haven’t really cried all that much, they’ve just been confused and home sick, maybe now it’s their time to grieve. All you need to do is give them some extra love these next few days. You don’t need to stop anything you’re doing. I can see that you’re happy and I am never going to advise you to give that up when there’s no need to. Just go eat some Oreos with them and tell them you love them. Let them talk on their own don’t push them and if they cry, let them, they need to let it out.” 

I take a few deep breaths while I nod my head and run my fingers through my hair. I hate the fact that the kids have been in denial all this time. Here I was thinking we were healing together and figuring out how to move on. We talk to Endy and Mike every night before bed and say goodnight. I thought that was giving them closure, but now that my mom mentions it, the kids hadn’t cried all that much. Sure, they cried at night at the very beginning and a little when we told them, but other than that they were just confused and carried on like normal. They played and watched movies, hell they even laughed every now and then. I thought that because they were so young they just accepted it and moved on easier. Apparently not. 

“Thanks mom.” I let out a shaky breath and step forward to give her a hug and a kiss on the head. I give her hand a squeeze before I turn to walk back into the kitchen. “Will you give me a minute with them please?” 

“Of course, baby and remember you’re doing a great job. I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

I walk back in the kitchen and instead of pestering them with questions I just fixed myself a glass of milk and sat down next to them on a stool and grabbed myself a few cookies giving them a smile. We just sat in silence for a few minutes before I thought of something to say. 

“You know, milk and Oreos was your mom’s favorite dessert as a kid. She always split them and ate the cream in the middle and then dropped the cookie part in the milk. She would drink all the milk and then use a spoon to eat the cookies than had sunk to the bottom of the glass. She said they tasted better that way.” As I was telling the story I was also demonstrating by doing the same thing with my cookies. Once I was done I looked over at them and chuckled. “I always just shoved the whole cookie in my mouth and she would get mad at me telling me I was eating them wrong.” They didn’t respond to me, they just looked at me for a second then back at their cookies and started doing the same thing with their cookies. I just sat and watched them eat their snack. I did what my mom said and waited for them to open up on their own. 

“I miss them and I miss our house.” Ryan was the first to speak up. I figured they would probably miss their house. Endy and Mike had their rooms decorated perfectly to fit their personalities. Ryan had her Frozen bed set, pink walls, a huge doll house, and too many Barbie’s to count scattered on her floor. Jace had this awesome racecar bed that I’ll admit, when I saw it I got jealous for like a second before I remembered I was a grown man. He had Legos and action figures and a really cool bat signal nightlight. They were so spoiled and Lord knows I was going to spoil them too, but I hadn’t had the time to go get their things from their house or go shopping for them yet. They’ve been surrounded by white walls and brainwashed by the television for three weeks. I’d miss my room and my toys too. As for them missing their parents, that’s not something I can fix. All I could do was be here for them. 

“I know you miss mommy and daddy guys and I know I’ve said it a thousand times, but I’m so sorry. They’re looking down on y’all and I love you so, so much.” They look at me and nod before repeating the sentiment. The first words since I got home besides them missing their parents. “And about the house, we are going to go back to Oklahoma soon and when we do, we are going to go get your things from the house so we can decorate your rooms at the ranch to make you feel at home. Also, I’ve been thinking about it and I’m not going to sell the house. I’m going to keep it, so whenever you guys feel sad we can go over and visit. Just like mommy and daddy are there.” 

“Really?!” They both shout and get excited hearing the plans for their rooms and the house. 

“Of course! Besides, I want my bed back sometime.” I quirk my eyebrow at them and poke Jace in the side making him giggle. 

“No, you don’t Uncle Blake, you love our cuddles. You told me so.” Ryan gets me on that one because I really do love their cuddles. 

Just then, they finish the last of their cookies and Jace lets out the biggest yawn making me laugh. “Alright, up to bed. It is four in the morning and it is too late for you guys to be up.” Neither of them put up a fight and I know that’s because they’ll crash as soon as they hit the pillow. 

I pick Jace up and take Ryan’s hand walking past my mom in the living room to the stairs that lead to our bedroom. As I tuck them in we say goodnight to mommy and daddy and I make them give me a kiss after I tell them I love them. They are out in about two minutes and although there were no tears tonight, I could tell by the sigh Ryan let out after saying goodnight to Endy that there were tears to come. Once I’m sure they’re asleep I make my way back downstairs to talk to my mom. I collapse on the couch putting my head in her lap exhausted but needing to talk. 

“So, you’re really going to keep the house?” I turn my head on her lap just enough to be able to look up at her. Her fingers kind of pull my hair to keep it from lulling back down because I’m so tired. 

“Yeah. I don’t think I can let it go. Plus, when the kids grow up I want them to have something of Mike and Endy. Now it can just be their place to run away when they’re feeling sad, maybe mine too.” A single tear runs down her face when she realizes how much pain I’m holding in and how hard I’m trying for the kids. 

“I’m so proud to call you my son. You are so strong and so sweet.” I reach up and wipe the tear from her cheek not wanting to see her upset. 

“I’m proud to call you my momma. I am the way I am because of how you and daddy raised me, so all credit to y’all.” She laughs then and just runs her thumb over my jaw and my cheek while her eyes bounce around on my face with a soft smile on her lips. She looks like she’s trying to memorize every single feature. You’d think I was a brand-new baby by the enamored look on her face, but she told me once before that it don’t matter how old I get, I’ll always be her baby, so I guess that’s how she sees me. 

Her fingers are starting to lull me to sleep as I lay there in her lap while she stares at me, but before I can drift away she breaks the silence. 

“So how did your evening go with Gwen?” I can’t help but blush and smile at the question. I try to bury my face in her stomach before she can see, but I’m not fast enough. 

“Based on that reaction I’m going to assume it went pretty well.” I don’t have to look at her to know she’s smirking. I pull my face from her stomach to look at her anyway. 

“Yeah, it went really well.” There’s a huge smile on my face and I know it. 

“So, is she your girlfriend now?” The question made me frown because we hadn’t really defined it. Sure, we kissed and cuddled and stuff, but the specific title never came up. I know if someone were to ask me if I was available I would say no in a heartbeat, but what about Gwen? 

“We didn’t really talk about it.” I sit up and face my mom twiddling my fingers nervously still with a confused frown on my face. 

“So, what did y’all do tonight?” Again, I blush and look away which apparently put ideas in my mom’s head. “Oh, Blake honey you didn’t.” She sounds kind of disappointed. 

“No, no we didn’t!” My hands fly out in front of me and my eyes meet hers when I shake my head back and forth rapidly. 

“Then what happened?” Most people wouldn’t talk about this with their mom, but me and my mom were so close and open with each other. I could tell her anything even if it was kind of embarrassing and I knew she wouldn’t judge. 

“Well she got kind of insecure because I told her how Adam had invited me for drinks, but I turned him down because we were having dinner. She told me I didn’t have to turn him down because she didn’t want to keep me from my friends and she thought I was getting tired of hanging out with her all the time. She said she didn’t want to be clingy. When I told her how much I loved spending time with her and how happy she made me, we kind of started talking about us and she told me about how I was helping her through her problems. Then I told her I wanted to kiss her so we kissed and watched a movie, then we kissed again before I left and that was it.” 

“Honey that sounds like more than just two people that kissed to me. It sounds like you both really care about each other. That was deeper than just a kiss, baby.” 

“But we didn’t define anything.” I tried to argue suddenly getting worried. 

“Honey, how did the kiss make you feel?” 

“What?” 

“When you first kissed, what did you feel?” I think about the question for a minute. 

“Relieved, giddy, and, and love.” I hesitate and whisper the last word. Shy about being this vulnerable. “It’s too early to be in love momma, right? I mean I’ve only been separated from Miranda for a few months and this was only our first kiss.” I’m getting scarred talking about all these emotions. My mom just looks at me seriously. 

“How did the second kiss make you feel?” Again, I think about it. 

“Safe, carefree, happy, and nervous.” 

“Why nervous?” 

“Because she’s so special and I didn’t want to go too far and make her uncomfortable. I can’t lose her momma, I can’t.” 

“That right there tells me that it’s not too early to be in love. You can’t plan love baby. It just happens. The fact that you were nervous about her comfort tells me you want a future with this girl. Anyone who makes you feel all those emotions in a kiss is special.” 

“She really is.” I agree with her. 

“Don’t mess it up. Give her the attention and love she deserves.” 

“I’m gonna try momma.” 

“Good, now go on up to bed. You have to be up at seven tomorrow and it’s already five.” I groan at that. 

“Yes ma’am. Thanks momma, I love you.” 

“Love you too. Goodnight honey.” 

“Goodnight.” 

Walking on set was a challenge in it of itself. My mom had to drag me out of bed, throw me in the shower and practically dress me in order to get me out of the house on time. She had called a driver thank God because she didn’t trust me to drive. She just lost a baby in a car accident, she wasn’t about to let me drive on barely two hours of sleep. Once I’m inside, I don’t even make it to my trailer. I collapse on the couch in the Coaches lounge area, face first and already snoring. 

I jolt awake to a hand on my shoulder shaking me awake. I turn my head and groan, ready to punch whoever just interrupted my nap. 

“Hey Cowboy.” 

“Hey beautiful.” I give her a sleepy smile with half lidded eyes. I’m willing to stay awake if it means talking to her. 

“Why are you so tired? You only left my house at 2:30. It wasn’t too late.” She’s speaking in a soft voice that’s not judging, just curious. Her hands are fidgeting and I can tell she’s fighting the urge to reach out and touch me because we’re in public. Little does she know, I don’t care so I reach out and take her hand making her smile and relax some. 

“Ryan and Jace had a rough night. I didn’t get to bed until five. My mom literally had to drag my ass out of bed this morning.” 

“Why don’t you come crash in my trailer for a couple of hours while I get ready then? We can talk about why they were upset later over coffee.” God she’s an angel. 

“Yes please.” I mumble into the couch cushion, eyes already closing. 

“Up.” She tugs on my hand and I stand up barely able to keep my balance. “I can’t carry you, so you gotta make it 50 feet Cowboy.” 

“Ugh, too far.” I whine and she laughs. Any other time I would laugh with her, but I genuinely don’t think I can make it. 

I’m relieved when I finally lay down on her couch quite proud of myself for making it without crushing her in the process. I let out a satisfied sigh when my head hits the pillow. “Thanks.” I mumble. She doesn’t answer me back, instead I feel her soft lips meet my parted ones. She takes my bottom lip in hers and brushes her tongue against mine real gently before pulling away and whispering, “sleep tight” against my lips. I fall asleep seconds later grinning.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, I finally broke down and created a twitter. I'd be more than happy to talk to all of y'all (@Ao3InspiredO). I really enjoyed writing this chapter, so I hope you have as much fun reading it. I tried updating yesterday, but the update wouldn't go to the top of the list and I don't know why. I figured I'd post it anyway and hope y'all see it. Anyway, feedback helps me decide where I want to take the story so please comment. Thanks for reading!

Three hours never went by so fast. I slowly come to when I feel the couch cushion shift next to me and fragile fingers card through my hair. I squint my eyes open to find Gwen’s face hovering above mine with a smile. She looks like she feels bad for having to wake me. 

“Hey, it’s time to get up. You have to get dressed. We’re filming in 30.” She’s whispering, letting me wake up. 

“Right, right.” I push myself into a sitting position, shake my head and slap my hands against my thighs. After the fog clears, I look up at her and I finally get to take in her appearance. She’s already dressed for filming and she looks beautiful. She was wearing a fitted red dress with small holes throughout. 

“You’re staring.” She puts her finger under my chin and lifts my eyes to meet hers. She has an amused look on her face. 

“Sorry, but you look amazing.” To be honest, I’m a little nervous right now because I’m not sure how to act around her. I don’t want to suddenly act all possessive and touchy. 

“You’re cute.” She chuckles. “As much as I would love to cuddle with you on the couch right now, you need to go get dressed before someone walks in here and starts asking questions.” 

“Alright I’m going, but I want a kiss before I leave.” I touch my index finger to my lips to indicate just where I would like my kiss while I smirk behind it. 

“Oh, you weren’t leaving without one Cowboy.” She leans over me again and puts her hands on my cheeks. Slowly she presses her lips to mine. I moan at the contact, reaching over to pull her closer by the waist. She decides to take it further and straddle my lap. I let it go, but when she sits down completely I pull away. It’s like she knows what I’m going to say because she doesn’t even let me say it. 

“I know, no rush. Figured I’d get as much as I could before we have to keep our hands to ourselves for eight hours.” 

“Don’t remind me.” At this point she has slid off my lap and onto the cushion next to me, freeing me to stand. “Maybe we could have lunch together. Alone preferably, with that coffee we talked about.” 

“For sure.” She grins. 

“See you in 30 Sunflower.” I lean over and give her one more quick peck before I walk out of her trailer. 

Acting normal in front of everybody wasn’t all that hard because Gwen and I had already become close. Everyone was already used to us talking and stuff. I just had to make sure I kept anything too flirty from coming out of my mouth. I refrained from any physical contact just to be as cautious as possible which was difficult. It’s not like I was constantly thinking about making out with her or anything, sometimes I just wanted a hug or to hold her hand. Those little innocent touches mean so much to me because we had those when we were just friends and they gave me strength. The only catch was we only did them when we were talking, and we always talked in private. 

We had just been released for an hour lunch break and I was excited because Gwen had texted me about eating in my trailer. I wanted to get there as fast as possible in order to prevent having to turn anyone down if they asked me if I wanted to go out. I didn’t want to come up with an excuse. I picked up something for Gwen and I from catering and went to my trailer. She’s relaxing on my couch with her bare feet up on the table when I walk in. 

Just as I set the boxes of food down on the table and am about to acknowledge her, my phone rings in my pocket. I pull it out to see it’s my manager Brandon. For a second I think about ignoring his call, but then I remembered our conversation and how worried he was so I decide to answer it. I give Gwen a regretful look as I accept the call. 

“Hey Brandon, what’s up? I can’t talk long I have to be back in like five.” I lie, hoping to move the conversation along. 

“No man that’s cool. I just need to tell you something.” He sounds excited, which brings a smile to my face and makes me chuckle. He’s just as big a kid as I am and I love it when he bears good news. 

“What dude?” I’m anxious now. I couldn’t be nominated for any awards, I hadn’t released anything recently. 

“It’s over! Miranda just signed the papers today.” My jaw drops and my eyes go wide. 

“What? Really? It’s over! Finally. Thanks man, you just made my day.” The grin on my face stretches from ear to ear. 

“We need to go celebrate soon. Maybe hook you up.” 

“We’ll go out, but none of that man I’m good for now.” 

“For now. I’ll see you soon buddy. I’m happy for you.” 

“Thanks. I’ll see you soon.” 

I hang up the phone and look at Gwen. Her eyes are begging me to tell her what’s got me so happy even though she’s already smiling seeing how excited I am. I can’t tease her, I have to share. 

“It’s over! Miranda signed the papers today.” Her lips turn into a frown and I’m confused. I thought she would be happy for me. Now there’s absolutely nothing between us. I mean not that there was before, but now it’s true legally as well. I thought she would be glad that Miranda was out of my life forever now, seeing as to how she had to pick up the pieces of the mess Miranda left behind. 

“Today?” 

“Yeah, today. Earlier today. What’s wrong?” My excitement has died and all I’m concerned about now is figuring out what’s wrong. 

“That means you were still married last night.” I’m confused. She knew Miranda and I were over for good. What does a signature on a piece of paper mean? It was going to happen eventually. 

“Well, yeah legally, but Miranda and I have been over for months now. You of all people should know that.” 

“But you were still married last night Blake and you knew it.” She looks angry and disappointed at me all at the same time. 

“No, I wasn’t Gwen. If someone were to have asked me last night, or a week ago if I was married, the answer would be ‘Hell No!’. I don’t look at myself as a married man anymore Gwen. All Miranda did today was make it legally true. I don’t understand why you’re upset.” I sit next to her on the couch and try to put my hand on her leg, but she puts it underneath her. 

“I’m upset because whether you viewed yourself as married or not, you were. You were married and you kissed me Blake. I thought Miranda had already signed the papers. I thought everything was finalized.” 

“I’m sorry Gwen. I didn’t…She was going to sign the papers anyway Gwen.” I’m flustered. One of my biggest fears is coming true, I’m losing Gwen and it’s my fault. 

“It’s cheating Blake! As long as she didn’t sign those papers and you kissed me, it’s cheating. It makes you no different than Gavin or anybody else. Until the day it is finalized you are married and you should be faithful. Separated or not!” The comment about me being no different that Gavin really hurt. All this time, she had been telling me about what a good man I am and how I’m helping her move on from Gavin. Now here she is telling me we may as well be the same person. The tears start to pool in my eyes and I see a twinge of regret from her words for a second before she hardens again. 

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you upset or make you feel used in any way. I didn’t look at it that way and I should have. I’m so sorry Gwen. I should have waited to kiss you until after I knew she had signed the papers. Please forgive me please.” My words become breathy and the tears are getting harder to hold in. 

“I’m going to go Blake. I’ll see you back on set after lunch.” She says it in a very guarded voice like she lost some of her trust in me. She gets up, grabs her lunch off the table and walks out the door leaving me alone for the first time. I have no one to talk to right now. My mom is at home with the kids and I’m not going to bother her, I can’t go to Adam or anyone else on set about my problems with Gwen, so I just have to sit alone and drown in sadness and regret. 

I don’t eat, I just sit and cry for an hour. When I get the call to be back on stage in five I frantically wipe the tears from my eyes and wash my face hoping I can just pass as tired when I get out there. Only Gwen will know the real reason my eyes look bloodshot if she even looks at me. 

I drag my feet getting to the stage and slump in my chair. I get weird looks from Pharrell and Adam, but I just waive my hand letting them know it’s nothing. Gwen keeps her eyes focused in front of her. 

Neither of us are as bubbly as we were before lunch. We are actually quite dull. If I heard someone I liked I would turn, but I wasn’t making jokes or fighting too hard for anybody. Everything was very half assed and the producers were going to have a hell of a time editing this episode to make it entertaining. 

I meet Gwen by her car after filming is done for the day. I didn’t make any stops, I didn’t even change clothes because I didn’t want to miss her. She comes out about 30 minutes later after everyone had already left and she has changed out of her dress for the night. Now she’s wearing jean capris and vans with a tee shirt. When she sees me at her car she pauses for a second, contemplating whether she wants to approach me or not. Eventually, deciding I wasn’t a threat she resumed walking towards her car. 

“Can you please move? I would like to go home.” She’s looking down at the keys in her hand. 

“Not until you talk to me. Gwen please.” I plead with her. 

“I don’t know what to say to you Blake.” 

“Well then just let me talk and you listen.” She looks around nervously. 

“I don’t want to do this here.” 

“Then where? I will go anywhere, just please hear me out.” She meets my eyes and sighs in defeat. 

“We can’t go to my place because the boys are in bed and the nanny is there.” She thinks for a minute. “Get in the car.” I’m surprised because I thought she was going to make me follow her wherever to avoid being in the car with me, but I do what she says not wanting her to change her mind because I didn’t have a car since a driver brought me this morning. 

She drives us out to a park that’s completely empty due to the hour. She doesn’t make a move to get out after she parks, she just turns the engine off, takes her seatbelt off and turns in her seat to face me. I take that as my que to speak. Taking a deep breath, I begin. 

“Gwen, you’ve gotta know that I didn’t mean to upset you. Believe me when I say it hurts to think that you feel betrayed or used in any way because of me. All my intentions when I’m around you are good. I’m constantly thinking of the next thing I can do or say to make you smile. I thought about what you said earlier about cheating and I get it, but that’s not how I thought about it last night. I figured as long as my half of the paperwork was signed, I was divorced. If Miranda wanted to drag her feet on signing then so be it, but I was free because I signed. That’s what I thought last night, but after everything you said, I don’t think that anymore. I was technically still married even though we had been separated for months and I shouldn’t have kissed you. I know that now, but it hurt when you compared me to Gavin because I want to believe I’m a better man than him. I want to believe I can come home to you and make you the happiest person in the world. I want to be enough for you and I want you to trust me completely, but today when you said that I was no different than him or any other cheater I felt like I could never be enough for you. I feel like I’ve lost all your trust and that sucks because you’re my person and without you I would fall apart. If you want to go back to just friends after today that’s fine, but don’t shut me out of your life completely. I need you Gwen.” By the end of my speech I’m facing her completely talking fast and moving my hands with my words. I don’t want to pause and let her speak because I’m afraid she will reject me and she won’t hear all I have to say. 

Her face has softened a bit and she looks like she’s more comfortable with my presence and like she understands that I genuinely believed I was doing nothing wrong when I kissed her last night. 

“I shouldn’t have said that.” Her voice is soft and regretful. 

“What?” I’m confused. I just poured my heart out and that’s what I get? 

“I shouldn’t have said you were just like Gavin.” 

“Gwen…” I look away, uncomfortable. 

“No, let me speak.” She’s serious and I want to hear what she has to say so I nod. 

“You are a better man than Gavin. Gavin never listened to me the way you do, Gavin never held me the way you do, Gavin never made me feel as confident as you do, Gavin never told me I was beautiful like you do, Gavin never looked at me like you do, and Gavin never kissed me like you do. Most importantly, Gavin went out and cheated and then came home to me and hid it. You didn’t do that.” I want to smile, but I know she’s not done. 

“I trust you with all my heart Blake, but today after I found out you weren’t technically divorced when we kissed I freaked out and lost sight of who you are for a second. I know deep within me that you would never cheat because that’s how you got hurt so bad, but my knee jerk reaction was to run. I’m scared of going through what I went through with Gavin all over again and I figured if you would cheat with me, then what’s stopping you from cheating on me?” 

“I’m so sorry Gwen. I never meant it that way.” I’m shaking my head kicking myself after hearing how she felt and knowing that I caused it. 

“I know you didn’t. At least now I do.” I’m glad she understands where I was coming from, but I still don’t know where we stand relationship wise. 

“So, does this mean you want to go back to being just friends?” I hold my breath waiting on her answer because I really don’t want that at all. 

“Well you just got that ‘single’ label, I wouldn’t want to take it away from you. You sure you don’t want to explore your options?” She smirks at me and I know she’s playing, but I hate how insecure she is. Who would want to explore their options when Gwen Stefani is one of them? 

“I don’t want the label darlin’, so if you want it take it.” 

“Aren’t you generous.” I laugh at that. I’m glad we got past this. I don’t ever want her upset, much less with me. 

“Can I give you a hug?” I ask shyly. She looks at me with forgiving eyes and opens her arms to me. 

“Come here.” I lean over the middle console and wrap my arms around her back squeezing her as tight as I can in this position. 

“I’m so sorry Sunflower.” I whisper into her neck. 

“It’s okay Cowboy, I forgive you.” It had only been half a day, but God I missed her calling me that. 

When we let each other go, I gain the courage to ask the question that I’ve had since I left on Tuesday night. 

“So, does this mean we’re like official now? I mean… do I get to call you my girlfriend now?” 

“I would be offended if my boyfriend didn’t think I was his girlfriend, so I guess.” 

I couldn’t hold myself back. I leaned over the center console, grabbed her face and smashed my lips against hers relieved because an hour ago I thought I would never get to do that again. 

“I think we need to keep this to ourselves for a little while and let it develop.” She’s breathless from the kiss as she speaks. 

“Whatever you want. Whatever makes you comfortable.” I assure her that I’m not going to push her to do anything she doesn’t want to. 

“Good now let’s get you to your car so you can get home to your babies. You were supposed to be home an hour ago.” I bite my lip at her statement. 

“See, the thing is I was so tired this morning that a driver brought me to work.” 

“So, you need a ride home is what you’re saying?” 

“If you wouldn’t mind.” She sighs acting like she’s annoyed. 

“Let’s go Cowboy. You owe me breakfast tomorrow morning.” 

“Just text me your order.” I smile over at her and wink. She rolls her eyes at me but she can’t hide the smile playing on her lips.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to finish this chapter last night and post it this morning, but I was so tired I fell asleep so it's just a little late. This chapter is mostly fluff as prep for the next chapter, but I think it's cute. Let me know what you think. Thanks for reading! Twitter (@Ao3InspiredO)

“We never really got to talk about why you were a dead man walking yesterday.” She’s shyly picking at the muffin in her hand. We were sharing an early breakfast on set before everyone starts to show up for the day. I had woken up to text from her containing a Starbucks order and I was happy to comply. 

Seeing how she’s still uncomfortable and hesitant about bringing up last night, I lean over from where I’m seated next to her and take her by surprise by kissing her. My lips are strong and insistent on hers and I don’t pull away until she kisses me back. When I pull back I look into her eyes so she can see how serious I am. 

“Hey, we’re good baby. Let’s forget about last night. Okay?” 

“Okay. I just feel really bad about what I said to you yesterday.” 

“It’s already forgotten. You were just upset darlin’ it’s okay.” 

“Okay. Thank you.” She smiles and runs her hand down my check scratching my scruff with her nails instantly giving me goosebumps. “So, tell me what kept you and the kids up the other night.” I lean back and take a sip of my coffee. 

“I think the kids are finally starting to process what happened. They’re starting to understand that all this is permanent.” 

“Just now? It’s coming up on four weeks.” I sigh because it’s hard to understand what goes on in a kid’s head. They’re so naïve that they don’t see all the ugly in the world. When something bad finally does happen, they don’t want to believe that something like that is capable of happening. Slowly, that innocence is ripped away from them and if it isn’t handled properly it can make them bitter. I don’t want that for them because they can still recover from this I know it. 

“Yeah, just now. Originally, I was surprised with how well they were taking it. I thought that because they were so young they moved on easier. I mean of course they cried when they found out and sometimes at night, but never what you would think for two kids who just lost their parents. Now I know they weren’t handling it well at all, they’ve just been holding it inside hoping it wasn’t true. The lid’s about to pop I can feel it.” 

“I can’t imagine what they’re going through. I still go to my parents house for dinner every weekend and I’m 46. I can’t imagine them not being there.” She frowns at the thought. 

“I know. I think about how much my mom has helped me through this and I feel so bad for them because not matter how good a job I do, there will never be that paternal bond. They are going to grow up without that. My mom knows me like the back of her hand. I don’t even need to speak for her to know what’s running through my head, she always knows exactly what to say or how to comfort me. Those are some things that only a parent can know. Right when you are born, they develop that instinct. I’m pretty good at guessing, but that’s all it is, is a guess.” I’m cradling the cup of coffee in my hands. 

“You have a step dad, right?” Well that’s kind of off topic. 

“Yeah, so?” I turn my head and squint at her, not quite sure that I know where she’s going with this. 

“Did he have any of his own kids, you know, that were biologically his?” 

“No.” 

“And do you feel, after he got to know you well, that he was less of a parent than your actual dad? Did you feel like you could talk to him? Was he there if you needed him? Did he ask you about your day?” I huff out a laugh because I get it now. I need to stop looking at this situation like I’m the fun uncle just filling in and start looking at it like I’m basically becoming a step parent. 

“He was a great parent and he did all those things.” 

“Well then, what’s the difference?” She lifts her hands and shrugs her shoulders as if that was that. She barely even had to say anything and she reassured me. 

“You are unbelievable Ms. Stefani.” I shake my head at her with a smile on my face. 

“I’m just trying to make you understand that you don’t have to be a father to be a dad. There’s a difference.” 

“You’re right.” 

“There’s that phrase again! You remember that for later Cowboy.” She wags her finger at me. 

“I don’t think I could ever challenge you.” I laugh. 

“I don’t think you’d ever want to.” She amends, giggling herself. 

We finish the rest of our breakfast in silence as she’s cuddled against my side on the couch, our legs tangled resting on the table in front of us with my arm wrapped around her shoulders to bring her as close to my chest as possible. Occasionally feeding each other bites of our muffin because we both got different flavors so we could share. Everything is very natural and where with anybody else this early in a relationship there would be nerves, I don’t feel any at all. I’m perfectly content and comfortable. 

We almost get caught by Danilo and Gregory when they come barging in to start her hair and makeup. We hadn’t been paying attention to the time but luckily, I had just gotten up to throw away our trash. They immediately slow down when they see me in the room and glance at Gwen giving her a questioning look before looking back at me. That look makes me wonder how much they already know. 

“Blake! How are you doing?” Danilo asks me. They’re trying to act normal, but I can tell my presence has caught them off guard. I need to get out before they start asking questions. 

“Good. I was just leaving actually, I came by to say good morning to Gwen before the day started.” 

“Oh, you don’t have to leave. You can stay and talk while we work, we don’t mean to interrupt.” 

“You’re not interrupting. I’ll give y’all some space, I don’t want to get in the way.” Before they can protest I make my way to the door and grab the handle. “I’ll see you later Gwen.” 

“Later Blake.” She’s giving me an apologetic smile like she wishes I could stay and I wish the same thing too but we’re not there yet. I return the expression and walk out the door. 

I decide to facetime the kids since I have a few minutes before I have to start getting ready myself. They haven’t been seeing too much of me lately since I’m usually on set til late and after the other night I need to let them know that even if I’m not home I’m still here for them. My mom isn’t moving in with me so eventually it will be just us. 

“Hey Uncle Blake!” It’s Ryan. She’s smiling so that’s good. 

“Hey sweetheart what’s up?” 

“We’re eating breakfast. Grandma made us waffles, look!” She flips the phone around so I can see her plate of syrup with a side of waffle. 

“That’s a lot of syrup missy.” 

“I told her Blake.” I hear my mom interrupt from wherever she is in the kitchen. 

“No, it’s not. It’s just enough.” She argues sounding offended making me laugh. 

“Okay if you say so. Where’s Jace?” 

“He’s sharing his waffles with Betty.” She gets up off her chair and flips the phone again for me to see Jace sitting on the floor with a plate of waffles in front of him and an impatient Betty wagging her tail next to him waiting for him to share. 

“Are you sharing your breakfast with Betty buddy?” He looks up when he hears my voice just now realizing I was on the phone. He giggles picking up a piece of waffle and holding it out to me. 

“She likes ‘em Blakey.” He hasn’t called me Blakey in a while, so I’m pleased to hear it. 

“I know she does, but you need to eat too okay?” 

“I am.” He shoved the piece he was holding out to me in his mouth to prove his point. 

“Alright. I have to go in a minute. I love you guys have a good day.” I get an ‘I love you’ and a wave from both of them. 

“Ryan can you give the phone to Grandma for a minute?” 

“Yeah hold on… Grandma, Uncle Blake wants to talk to you.” I see my mom wipe her hands on the towel thrown over her shoulder before taking the phone. She walks out of the kitchen so we can talk without reservation. 

“Hey baby, how are you doin’?” 

“Good. They seem happy this morning.” It’s a question and a statement all in one. 

“Yeah they’re doing okay. They came and crawled in bed with me this morning after you left. I woke up to Jace whispering ‘waffles’ in my ear.” She rolls her eyes and I just laugh. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about Jace it’s that he’s always ready for breakfast. He will eat it for dinner if you let him. 

“That sounds like him. I woke up to ‘bacon’ the other day… Look mom I’m sorry I haven’t been around much. They aren’t your responsibility. I’m just trying to figure everything out. Once I do, I’ll have them more I promise.” 

“Oh, hush Blake. Those are my grandbabies they are just as much my responsibility as they are yours. I would be insulted if you were trying to keep them away from me. I have loved spending time with y’all this past week.” I hate to see her leave, but I know it’s going to happen soon. She has to get home to her husband. 

“When are you going back home?” I frown as I’m asking the question. 

“I’m not leaving until you don’t need me anymore baby.” 

“I’m always going to need you ma.” 

“Well then it looks like you’re stuck with me then.” 

“No really mom, when are you going home? I know Mike misses you.” (Mike was my stepdad’s name too) I see her eyes wander off to somewhere behind the camera and she sighs. 

“I need to go home soon. Mike called yesterday and told me he missed me. He sounded upset, this has been hard on him too. He loved Endy like she was his own. I’m sure he’d love to see you and the kids too.” 

“He was really great with us growing up… why don’t you go home Saturday? I have to stay another week to finish up here, but as soon as I’m done I’ll head straight home I promise. I need to practice being alone with the kids anyway. Maybe it will help us bond.” 

“Are you sure baby? I don’t want to leave you if you’re not ready.” 

“I’m sure momma, besides Gwen told me she would help me out if I needed it.” Love and happiness washes over my mom’s face at the mention of Gwen’s name. 

“Alright baby and maybe you can bring that girl with you when you come. I really want to meet her.” 

“I think it’s too soon to bring her home. Wouldn’t want to scare her away, but you could come up tomorrow before you leave on the weekend if you really want to meet her that bad.” 

“Yes! For sure and the kids have been talking about going up to set again.” 

“Sounds good. I’ll see you tonight momma I gotta go now.” I smile at her and hang up, heading to go get dressed. 

As I’m walking to the wardrobe trailer, Adam appears next to me. He’s really good at sneaking up on people, me and Gwen need to watch out for that. 

“Hey man, I came by earlier but I heard you talking to the kids so I bailed. Everything good?” 

“Yeah everything’s fine, just wanted to talk to them.” 

“This daddy Blake thing is new to me. It’s cute!” He’s teasing me, but I like that, ‘Daddy Blake’. 

“Shut up bro!” I shove him a little on the shoulder. 

“We still on for a guy’s night next week? Don’t you dare say no!” I wince, remembering that I just insisted on sending my mom home this weekend. 

“Uh, here’s the thing, we can still hang out but it’ll have to be at my place with the kids because my mom is going home this weekend. I won’t have help with the kids next week.” I rub the back of my neck nervously because I didn’t even think of my prior commitment with Adam before sending my mom home. 

“That’s fine man. As long as there’s food and alcohol I don’t care where we are. The kids have to go to bed sometime, right?” 

“Yeah Disney movies are definitely better when you’re buzzed.” I reply shaking my head. 

“Wednesday good?” 

“Sure buddy. We’ll set up all the details later.” I slap him on the back and head off to get dressed. 

Today’s filming went a lot better because Gwen and I were good again. We went back to innocently flirting with each other. Adam and I were still ragging on each other and Pharrell was still his wise self, content with watching the interactions between me and Adam. I had to lay off a little about halfway through because I felt like Gwen and I were crossing a line. We didn’t want to lead anybody onto what was going on. 

On our first break, I see Gwen get up and motion with her head for me to follow her. As discretely as possible I get up and follow her to a break room towards the back of the lot that rarely anybody goes into. I smile when I realize where we’re headed because that means she doesn’t want any interruptions. 

I’m expecting some hot make out session as soon as we get into the room, but instead as soon as the door closes she’s got her arms wrapped around my midsection tightly with her head pressed against my chest. I hug her back and bury my nose in her hair. 

“What’s wrong Sunflower?” 

“Nothing Cowboy, just wanted a hug.” I rub my hands up and down her back. I hold her for a while before I interrupt the silence. 

“Not that I’m complaining, but if you just wanted a hug why did we come to this room?” 

“Cuz’ Danilo and Gregory almost caught us this morning and they had a million questions after you left.” 

“What kind of questions?” 

“Well, I may have said something about having a crush on you before so when they saw you in my trailer this morning they started asking questions. Why was Blake here? Did you tell him? Is there something going on?” She’s doing her best impression of the two making me laugh. 

“What did you tell them?” 

“I told them we had been talking a lot lately and that we were having breakfast together. I didn’t give them any details though.” 

“Let’s just say that you were to give them details, what would you have said?” My voice goes into a low deep whisper. She pulls back from the hug enough so she can put her hands on my chest. She scratches a little and stares at my lips when she speaks again using a tone that matches mine. 

“I would’ve told them that you were the sweetest most gentle guy and that you’re so strong and warm. I would’ve told them that you’re a great at giving hugs and cuddles.” She pauses, making me wait because she knows what I really want to hear. 

“Anything else?” 

“Oh, and I would’ve told them that you’re an amazing kisser.” 

“Yeah?” I whisper leaning in closer to her lips. 

“Most definitely.” She leans forward and closes the rest of the gap. This time she doesn’t try to push it like she’s been. We just kiss soft and sweet for a few minutes. Her hands stay put on my chest when they’re not in my hair and mine stay on the small of her back. Everything is slow and I like this kind of kissing because it conveys the most feeling. It’s so intimate. 

When we pull back we’re both breathless as we rest our foreheads against each other. We know we need to get back soon, so she wipes the lipstick off my lips and tries to comb my hair back into place all while I stare at her. 

“So, I have the boys tonight and I know you don’t want to leave the kids again this week, but I miss you. Would a play date at your place tonight be an option? It would be a win, win because the boys have been talking about how much they want to see Ryan and Jace again.” 

“I would love that. Besides, my mom was going to come up tomorrow because she’s dying to meet you. Dinner and a play date at my place would make her day. I think she misses cooking for other people.” 

“Does she know?” Her eyes are on mine now. 

“It’s kind of hard to come home at three in the morning and not tell her where I’ve been. I don’t want to lie to her, she’s been through enough.” 

“Is she… okay with it? With us?” She’s biting her lip and she sounds nervous. 

“She’s more than pleased. She said I’m looking happier every day.” I reassure her immediately making her smile. 

“Well then I’d love to meet her. See you at 6?” I lean down to kiss her long and slow again before I answer, missing the taste of her lips. 

“See you at 6 Sunflower. I’ll meet you out there.” She pushes me out the door and as I walk back to the stage I feel like I’m walking on air. I text my mom and let her know the plan and I swear I could hear her excited scream through the text.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely cannot believe that we are 14 chapters into this! This has been such an amazing experience. I can't thank y'all enough for reading. Remember, comments, comments, comments! I love feedback!

I am completely bulldozed when I walk in the door to the house at around 4:30. My mom almost knocked me off my feet she ran into my arms so fast. She’s got a huge smile on her face and she’s talking at a hundred miles a minute. 

“She’s coming over at 6? Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I’m so excited to meet her. How did you ask her? Does she want to come? What does she like to eat? Oh my God, she doesn’t eat meat! I need to get started on dinner. Is she bringing the kids? What are they like?” 

“MOM!” She jumps when I raise my voice, snapping out of her thoughts. I never just call her ‘mom’. 

“What?” She’s out of breath from all the talking she just did. 

“Calm down okay? I’m glad you’re excited to meet her, but I really like her and I don’t want to scare her off. She will be here at 6, dinner and a playdate was her idea, no she doesn’t eat meat, other than that she’s not a picky eater so whatever you make is fine, the boys are coming too and they’re as sweet as can be. Any more questions?” She takes a deep breath and blinks for the first time since I got home. 

“No. Okay, I can do this. I will be calm I promise. I know you said she’s not a picky eater, but do you know anything she prefers?” She’s finally calm, so I release my hold on her shoulders and think about her question. 

“She talks about Italian a lot, but she says she only eats it on special occasions.” I scratch my cheek as I think. 

“Well tonight is a special occasion if there ever was one, right?” 

“I think so.” I smirk at her. I’m glad to see her so happy. 

“Oh, what are the boy’s names?” She remembers to ask. 

“Kingston, Zuma, and Apollo in that order.” 

“So unique. The kids are in the living room. Go clean up and then keep them company until she gets here. I don’t need any interruptions, this has to be perfect.” 

“Whatever you say ma. She’s really easy to please, so don’t worry too much.” 

“Go along now.” She shoos me away completely ignoring my previous statement. 

I’m in the middle of an intense action figure game when I hear my phone ding indicating that I just received a text. It’s Gwen telling me she’s in the drive at about five til 6. I decide to meet her outside before she can ring the doorbell just so I can warn her about what she going to walk into. I get there just in time because her hand was just about to hit the wood when I opened the door. She looks startled for a second, but then she smiles at me. 

“Hey handsome.” She’s eyeing my shirt. I had chosen one of my nicer button downs for tonight per my mom’s request. 

“Hey beautiful. Where are the boys?” She’s wearing jeans, a simple blouse, and some heels. I love that she didn’t overdo it tonight. This is just casual. 

“They’re over there by the car fighting over who gets to bring in the bag of toys.” She turns her head and points toward the drive. Sure enough, I can hear the three of them bickering. Well, two of them are bickering, Apollo is just throwing random words in here and there. 

“Boy’s, it doesn’t matter who brings in the toys, let’s go.” She yells back at them. They all look over at her and have an intense stare down before Kingston finally huffs being the bigger brother and taking Apollos hand walking towards the house. A smug looking Zuma on their tails. 

“Hey Blake.” 

“Blakey!” 

“Hi Blake!” 

All three of them greet me and give me a hug around the legs. “What’s up guys? Why don’t y’all head in, Ryan and Jace are watching cartoons in the living room.” I open the door for them and they make their way inside leaving just me and Gwen on the porch. 

Once we’re alone I take a moment just to stare at Gwen and appreciate her beauty. 

“You’re doing it again.” Her hands reach out to take hold of the collar of my shirt. 

“Sorry I can’t help it.” I reach my own hands out and put them on her waist. 

“Don’t ever apologize for making me feel beautiful.” She whispers. 

“Never again then.” I whisper back. “I really want to kiss you right now, but I’m willing to bet money that my mom has figured out you’re here and is watching us from the window.” 

“First impressions are important Cowboy. Do you really think she wants the first time she sees me to be when I’m completely distracted by your lips?” I sigh disappointed in her answer. 

“I see your point I guess. Just a little one?” I pout at her trying to convince her. 

“Later Cowboy.” For the first time, she’s telling me to slow down. 

“Alright. What I really met you out here for was to warn you about my mom. She’s really excited to meet you and she might go a little crazy at first, but don’t let that scare you off okay? Once she mellows out she can be pretty cool.” 

“I’m not going anywhere Blake, don’t worry. I think it’s sweet she’s excited to meet her son’s girlfriend, but thanks for the warning.” 

“Well, I guess we should get in there before she combusts. You ready?” 

“Ready as I’ll ever be. Let’s go.” I take her hand and turn back towards the door. I call out for my mom pretending like I didn’t know she was right around the corner hiding after spying on us in the window. She comes around the corner acting as casual as she can manage. 

“Hi, sweetheart! I’m Dot, Blake’s momma.” Instead of a handshake, my mom pulls Gwen in for a tight hug. 

“Nice to meet you Dot. I’m Gwen.” My mom laughs as she pulls back from the hug. 

“Oh, I know sweetie. This one talks about you all the time.” Gwen looks over at me and I blush rocking back on my heels with my hands in my pockets. 

“He’s so sweet.” She replies, eyeing me. 

“Oh, look at you darling, aren’t you just the most beautiful little thing.” This time she makes Gwen blush. I put my hand on my mom’s shoulder to see if we can move this elsewhere. 

“Hey momma, why don’t we go in the kitchen and see what’s for dinner?” 

“Of course! C’mon, Blake told me you like Italian so I made lasagna and salad I hope that’s okay.” Nothing could wipe the smile off my mom’s face right now. Her voice was high pitched and excited, she was practically shaking with joy. 

“That’s perfect Mrs. Shelton.” Gwen is smiling just as big, absolutely loving my mom’s personality. 

“Dot honey, Dot. I haven’t been Mrs. Shelton for years. Now follow me. Y’all can have a glass of wine while I finish up dinner.” 

“It smells amazing Dot, I can’t wait to taste it.” Gwen and I are sitting around the island now as my mom stands over the stove cutting the lasagna. We’re both sipping at a glass of wine and playing footsy next to each other while Gwen takes my mom’s questions like a pro. 

“Thanks honey. So, where are you from originally?” 

“Right here in California, up in Orange County.” My mom nods along to show she’s following since she’s distracted by the food. 

“What made you want to be a singer?” 

“I started a band in high school just for fun and I just fell in love with it. I couldn’t imagine doing anything else.” 

“You know, when Blake was little I entered him into beauty pageants just so he could sing in the talent portion.” Gwen almost chokes on her wine and I could die from embarrassment. 

“MOM! Why would you tell her that?” My face is as red as a tomato and I don’t even want to look in Gwen’s direction. She’s over there laughing and then I feel her hand land on mine. 

“It’s okay, I think it’s cute. I just can’t imagine you in a beauty pageant is all.” She still trying to hold in her laughter and I appreciate the effort. I decide to play with her. 

“What, you don’t think I’m pretty is what you’re saying?” I say to her in mock offense. 

“Oh no babe, I think you’re beautiful. You just don’t hit me as a pageant baby.” That’s the first time she’s used a pet name in front of my mom and she doesn’t seem the least bit phased. My mom smiles at the endearment. 

“Yeah right, save it.” I laugh at her. 

“No really Cowboy you are totally stunning.” 

“You hear that momma. The fashion queen says I’m stunning.” My mom turns and looks at me with a straight face. 

“She’s just being nice son. Sorry to burst your bubble.” We all burst out laughing. 

“Hey, I thought you were supposed to be on my side. I’m your son.” 

“Exactly, you’re my son so I can be honest with you.” She looks over her shoulder and winks at me to let me know she’s kidding and I smile back. 

“OMG, you guys are so cute. You are like literally the same person.” Gwen squeals from her spot next to me. Just then, all 5 kids appear in the kitchen hungry and ready to eat. 

“Is the food ready Grandma?” Jace walks over to my mom and stands on his tiptoes, still too short to see over the counter so she picks him up and puts him on her hip. 

“It sure is baby. Now show the boys to the restroom so y’all can wash up before dinner.” She sets him on his feet and he runs off along with the others. They’re back within two minutes, all out of breath. 

“Alright everybody, grab a seat.” I say, standing up and heading for the table. All the kids race to ensure they get just the right one. 

By the time Gwen and I get to the table the only two available spots have a kid in between. I look at Ryan and whistle. 

“Uh, uh. Over there by Grandma.” I gesture with my thumb as I pull her chair out. 

“How come?” She whines. 

“Because I said so. Up.” She slides out of the chair and stomps over to the one I told her to sit in. 

“You just want to sit with Gwen.” She grumbles as she sits down and I see Gwen bite her lip out of the corner of my eye holding in a smile. 

“What was that?” I ask, wanting to see if she’d repeat it. There was no way they were catching on already right? 

“Mommy and Blake sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.” Kingston sings from his spot at the table. I snap my head over to Gwen in shock as my mom looks on with laughing eyes. 

“Nobody is kissing anybody, now eat your dinner.” She points to his plate as she sits down, being stern. Kinda sexy if you ask me. Her voice is so demanding even I sit down at her command, just like a dog. 

Dinner was great and the conversation focused mostly on the kids so it wasn’t uncomfortable. They told us all about whatever fantasy land they had created the hour before. A child’s imagination is truly amazing, the stories that they create are so detailed and out of the ordinary. It’s a shame most of us lose that creativity with age. 

“Hey boys what do y’all think about a movie? Ryan and Jace always like to watch one before bed.” The kids were already in their pajamas. I had told Gwen to bring them that way, knowing it was going to be a late night. It would save her the hassle later when she gets home. She won’t have to get three half asleep kids changed. 

“Yes! Mom, can we?” 

“Yeah can we?” Both Zuma and Kingston shout with excitement and Apollo just claps knowing something good is about to happen. Gwen giggles at their enthusiasm. 

“Sure, but we have to go home right after. Mommy has work early tomorrow. Also, I need a kiss from both of you now.” She negotiates with them. 

“Okay.” Kinston and Zuma come over and place a sloppy kiss on her cheek, leaving a little bit of sauce from dinner behind. 

“Ryan, why don’t you show them where the movies are? Pick one out and I’ll come set it up in a second.” They’re about to run off when Gwen shouts. 

“Don’t forget your brother!” Kingston races back in and grabs Apollo out of his high chair before running off again. All of us laugh at the commotion. 

“They’re crazy.” I say in amusement. 

“That’s four boys for ya’. You and your brother were hell all by yourselves.” My mom points at me. 

“We were very well behaved.” I lie right through my teeth and my mom snorts. 

“Well behaved my ass. Y’all were always causing some kind of raucous. Playing ball in the house, tracking mud through the house, always wrestling.” I smile at the memories. My brother helped me become a man in so many ways. 

“I would have loved to have met him.” Gwen pipes up next to me. She’s smiling fondly as well and we get lost for a second. We snap out of it when my mom clears her throat. 

“I’m going to clear the table and then go help the kids set up the movie. Y’all take the bottle of wine and sit on the back porch and talk.” 

“Are you sure momma. I can help clean up really quick, it’s not a big deal.” 

“No go. I’m fine in here. There’s this thing called a dishwasher that does all the hard work for me. I just have to load it. Y’all go have fun.” My mom grabs the bottle of wine and two glasses handing it to me and pushing us out of the kitchen. 

“Thanks momma.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” She turns around and walks away leaving me and Gwen alone. 

“C’mon.” I bite my lip and nod my head towards the back deck. She nods and follows me out into the cold LA night. 

I wrap her in a blanket that I kept out on the lounge chairs and pour us a fresh glass of wine. 

“Sunflower.” I say as I hand her the glass. 

“Thanks Cowboy.” She pushes under my arm and cuddles into my side as we lean on the railing and look out over the yard. 

“Your mom is like super awesome. She’s so sweet and funny. Now I know where you get it from. You are two of a kind.” 

“Yeah she’s pretty amazing. I definitely got my sense of humor from her. Am I that obnoxious? You would let me know, right?” I joke with her, looking down to get a better look at her reaction. 

“Oh, stop. She was not obnoxious, she was hilarious.” She pushes my stomach a little for my comment. 

“I thought I was going to die of embarrassment. I think she planned it just to mess with me. I mean did she really have to bring up the pageants?” I shake my head. 

“I thought it was cute.” We stand in silence and bask in the feeling of contentment. 

“You know, I used to hate this place but it’s starting to grow on me.” 

“LA?” 

“Yeah. I used to dread having to come here but now I’m dreading the thought of leaving.” I nuzzle my nose into her hair as I speak, still looking out over the yard. 

“Why’s that? What changed?” 

“I think it has something to do with this really beautiful blonde I’m seeing.” 

“Who might that be? I’ve got to meet her if she’s got you so happy that you’re considering staying in LA more. She must be a miracle worker.” 

“I told her she couldn’t come by today since you and the boys were coming over, but if you really want to meet her I can tell her to swing by set tomorrow.” 

“You’re really something else Cowboy.” She giggles turning around to face me, our glasses forgotten to the side. 

“Yeah but you like it.” I shoot back at her. 

“I really, really do.” She says serious. 

“We’re alone now. Does that mean I can kiss you?” I’m dying to kiss her again. 

She doesn’t answer, just leans up and takes my lips in hers. I turn us just enough so I can lift her to sit on the railing with me standing between her legs. She moans when I gain enough courage to move my hands south of her back for the first time to land on her butt. Her fingers are hooked to my belt loops pulling me closer. My knees buckle a little when she wraps her legs around my waist. I’m practically leaning all the way over her and I’m aware that we probably shouldn’t be doing this where any of the kids or my mom could easily catch us but I don’t care. Our tongues are tangled and I unconsciously grind my hips into hers making her sigh into the kiss. After that, the kiss becomes filthier and my hips find a slow rhythm leaving both of us on edge and moaning. I’m so caught up in the moment when we pull back to breathe that I break my own rule. 

“Stay tonight.” I say breathless. 

“What?” she breathes back. 

“Spend the night. I’m sure the kids will be tired after the movie and I have plenty of space.” We’re still only millimeters apart so I lick at her lips as I speak hoping to convince her. 

“Blake.” She sighs, throwing her head back. “What about… what about not rushing this?” I had moved onto her neck and she was finding it difficult to speak. 

“We don’t have to do anything. I just don’t want you to leave tonight.” 

“What about your mom?” I’m still working on her neck doing my best to get her to say yes but that makes me chuckle. 

“This is my house darlin’.” I bite down a little making her swallow. “I’m sure the kids would love a sleepover.” 

“Alright Cowboy.” She takes my earlobe in her mouth and it’s my turn to swallow.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What? Two chapters in one day? You bet! Enjoy! Leave me some feedback!

When we think the movie might be close to ending, Gwen and I peel ourselves off each other and make our way inside to see what we have to deal with. She checks herself in the mirror in the hall before we enter the living room to make sure we aren’t too obvious with what we were doing outside. She beckons me over to lean down so she can put my hair back in place the best she can and I run my hands down my shirt to straighten it out taking a deep breath before revealing ourselves. 

We walk in to find 4 sleeping children, one on their way and my mom trapped underneath Apollo. She looks up when she hears us walk in and smirks at us. She’s looking at me with knowing eyes and I just blush and break eye contact. Eventually we walk closer to where she is so we can speak quietly and not disturb the kids. 

“Are y’all about to head out?” She whispers to Gwen and she stiffens a little at the question. 

“Uhh… Actually...” She’s looking back at me begging for help so I step forward and place my hand on her back and answer my mom. 

“We were talking about it and we decided that if the kids were asleep we weren’t going to wake them and let them stay here. It looks like only one of them made it so I think Gwen and the boys are going to stay here tonight.” By now Kingston has directed his attention towards the conversation and is looking at his mom with curious eyes, not sure if he knows what’s going on yet. My mom just squints her eyes at me. 

“Uh huh. That’s a good idea not to move the boys, but where’s Gwen going to sleep?” God dammit mom you know where Gwen is going to sleep you’re just going to make me say it out loud. No, not in front of Kingston. She can sneak into my room later. 

“Gwen can sleep wherever she wants. There’s plenty of rooms, she can have one all to herself or she can sleep out here on the floor with the kids.” I look back at Gwen and give her a wink as subtly as possible to let her know this is all just a cover. She knows I want her with me tonight. 

“Yeah, I’ll probably just sleep out here on the couch and make sure the kids are okay. They don’t do too well with sleepovers.” She chimes in to help me out. She’s totally lying right now too because she told me one time that the boys love sleepovers and Kingston knows it too because he tilts his head in confusion from where he’s sitting on the couch. Luckily, he doesn’t speak up. 

“Right, right.” A little bit of the suspicion in my mom’s eyes clears, but not completely. “Well then, I guess I’ll head off to bed.” She stands up and gently places Apollo down on the couch again covering him with a blanket and blocking him in with pillows so he doesn’t roll off. 

“Goodnight sweetheart, it was so nice meeting you.” She walks over to Gwen and gives her a quick hug and pat on the back. 

“Goodnight Dot, it was nice meeting you too.” 

Next my mom walks over to me and puts her hands on my shoulder leaning up to give me a kiss on the cheek like she does every night. Before she pulls back though, she leans further up to whisper in my ear, “be careful honey.” I suck in a breath and nod at her when our eyes meet. 

“Goodnight baby. I love you.” She says over her shoulder as she walks away. 

“Goodnight momma, love you too.” Once she disappears I look back over at Gwen and bite my lip letting her know that we’re caught. We have to figure out what we’re going to do here because King is still awake. She walks over to me to give me hug as if to say goodnight and whispers in my ear just like my mom did a minute ago. 

“I’ll be up as soon as he falls asleep. Wait up for me Cowboy.” I can hear the smirk in her voice and I gulp. 

“Last room to the left.” I whisper back. With that she pulls away and says a quick goodnight before walking over to sit next to Kingston. 

“Tell Blake Goodnight baby, and thanks for letting us stay over.” She runs her fingers through his hair. Anything to get him to sleep faster. 

“Goodnight Blake, thanks for letting us come over and play.” He finishes with a yawn snuggling up to his mom more. 

“Anytime King. Goodnight, I’ll see you in the morning.” I wave at them and turn off the lamp by the stairs before I make my way up to my room to wait for Gwen to meet me. 

It’s not even thirty minutes before I hear my door open cautiously. Gwen peaks her head around the frame and sighs in relief when she sees she found the right room making me chuckle and hold my arms out to her. I had already changed into pajama pants and t-shirt for the night. 

She comes in the rest of the way and gently closes the door behind her, locking it. She tiptoes over to the bed and crawls under the covers into my awaiting arms. All the tension in her body releases and she lets out the biggest breath when I wrap her in my arms because she made it in here without getting seen. 

We lay I silence for a while, proud of ourselves for sneaking around. Then, I hear Gwen’s muffled laughs come from where her head is buried in my chest making me chuckle at her randomness. 

“What’s so funny?” I shake her gently with the hand that I had rested on her shoulder. 

“We’re literally… sneaking around… like teenagers.” She says in between laughs and I throw my head back too at how unbelievable this all is. 

“The kids are totally onto us. King was staring a hole in me when you were talking to my mom. I swear I started sweating.” I’m full on laughing now too. 

“Oh my God and did you hear what Ryan said when you made her switch seats at dinner.” She’s got tears in her eyes as she slaps my chest playfully. I clamp my eyes shut and nod, laughing so hard there’s no noise coming out, just a faint wheeze here and there. 

“Oohh we’re in trouble Sunflower.” I say as I catch my breath from laughing coughing some. 

“A good kind of trouble though.” She rubs my chest with her hands and looks up at me smiling with those big brown eyes. 

“The best kind.” I brush a strand of hair out of her face and behind her ear. “What are we going to do about the kids?” To be honest I’m worried about this because if any of this puts her on edge with the kids she’ll walk away without hesitation and I don’t want that. She must sense my worry because she leans up to peck me on the lips before answering. 

“We’ll keep them in the dark as long as possible and we’ll let them in when it’s time. They already like you and the kids so I don’t think you have anything to worry about. The most they’ll be is confused. Once they get over that, they’ll be completely fine.” I smile satisfied with her answer. 

“Okay sounds like a plan Sunflower.” 

“Enough about that for now. I have more important matters I want to discuss at the moment.” She smirks. Her eyes are on my chest and her nails are scratching my stomach through my shirt. 

“What is it you’d like to discuss?” I practically growl at her. 

“I would like to talk about why you haven’t kissed me since I’ve walked in this bedroom Cowboy.” I flip so I’m hovering over her on the mattress, my arms bracketing her in and my nose touching hers. 

“My apologies Ms. Stefani. Let me take care of that for you.” I grin as I lean down to capture her lips. Her hands are on my stomach fisting my shirt and I lift one hand off the mattress to caress her side. I give her a quick swipe of my tongue before I pull back to tease her some. 

“These clothes can’t be comfortable for bed Sunflower.” I pull at the sleeve of her blouse and then lean down to start kissing her neck again. Her head rolls back giving me more room to explore. 

“Well I didn’t bring a change of clothes Cowboy. This wasn’t part of the original plan.” She’s got her hands in my hair now keeping my head at her neck and moaning the lower I get. I’m not willing to go all the way tonight, but I don’t mind fanning the flame a little. 

“What are we going to do about that baby? I can’t let you be uncomfortable.” I lick my way up to her jaw and claim her lips again being cautious not to leave a mark. 

“You might have to give me one of your shirts for the night Cowboy.” She whispers in a low sultry voice. 

“I think that can be arranged.” I kiss her again slow and deep before I pull back and attempt to push off the bed to go get her a shirt out of my dresser. I don’t make it very far before her fingers are pinching the front of my shirt and pulling me back down with force. I let out an oof as I fall back down and almost crush her but catching myself just in time. 

I feel her hands run down my stomach and slip under the hem of my shirt making me shiver. My breath stutters on her cheek. Next thing I know, she takes my earlobe in her mouth and whispers in my ear. 

“No need to get up. I want this one Cowboy.” A small broken whimper escapes my throat before I even realize it. I take a minute to compose myself, just enjoying her hands on my skin under my shirt and her lips on my neck. 

Finally, I gain my composure back and prepare to take back the upper hand. I clear my throat and make sure I make my voice deep and raspy. “Well if you’re going to take my shirt baby we’re going to have to get you out of those clothes.” I take my hand and slip it under her blouse giving as good as I was getting. She moans quietly at the contact and arches her back slightly off the mattress. 

We kiss again, deep and slow keeping the intensity of the moment. When her tongue meets mine her hands travel further up my torso. Her finger tugging at the short hairs on my chest becoming my favorite newfound sensation. I keep my hips lifted because every touch from her soft hands is making me harder and if I’m going to keep the promise I made to myself tonight, I need to make sure there’s no contact because if there is it’s over. 

“Take it off babe, please.” She breaks away from the kiss just long enough to say. She sounds desperate and turned on. Good to know I’m not the only one. 

“You first.” I bite her bottom lip and trail a path of kisses up her jaw her hands pulling harder at the hairs on my chest in frustration. The pain only turns me on more making me groan. Slowly I pull away from the kiss and sit up to straddle her legs on the bed. As I sit up her nails scratch down my chest all the way to the bottom of my stomach making my eyes roll back momentarily. Looking down at her with ruffled hair and splotched face with swollen lips is the most beautiful I’ve ever seen her. 

“You’re so beautiful baby.” I whisper looking her up and down and I see her smile softly at my comment. 

“And you better hurry up.” She snaps back making me chuckle. 

Obeying her command, I take both of my hands and slip them under her blouse, flattening my palms against her stomach and pushing up. Her back arches so the shirt can follow. Her eyes are closed in pleasure and her lips are slightly parted. When I get to the bottom of her breasts I hesitate and she senses that because she opens her eyes to meet my nervous ones. Not saying a word, she takes her hands and places them on top of mine, guiding them up on her covered breasts. I smile down at her nervously and lean down to kiss her quickly before continuing. When I sit back up she follows, lifting her arms over her head so I can get the shirt over her head and off. 

I place my hands on her bare sides for the first time and observe her for the first time without a shirt on. I’m breathing heavy and my heart is pounding because of the intensity of what’s happening right now. Slowly I lift my eyes back up to meet hers to see her smiling with slightly nervous eyes as well. 

“We… we can stop.” I have to clear my throat in the middle of my sentence, so affected by her. 

“No Cowboy. It’s okay, I want to.” She reassures me, letting me know that she’s feeling the same way I am. Happy but slightly nervous. We are new territory for each other after long relationships, it would be weird if we weren’t nervous. I nod at her words. 

“Just let me know. If you feel uncomfortable I’ll stop immediately.” I want to make sure she knows she doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to. 

“I know Blake. I trust you.” She uses my real name so I know she heard me. “I believe I have one more article of clothing left for you to remove though.” Some of my nerves dissipate now that I know she’s comfortable. 

“I can see that. Lay back down so I can take care of that.” She does what I say, leaving me straddling her again. 

I brush my fingertips down her sides on my way down to the waistband of her jeans making her giggle and break out in goosebumps, slightly ticklish there. When I grab the button, I look up at her one more time for confirmation that this is what she wants before continuing. 

“It’s okay Blake.” She says while nodding. I lean down and kiss her stomach and undo the button. 

I watch my hands as I slowly unzip her pants and grab the sides to begin bringing them down her legs to reveal small black panties that match her bra. I’m sweating again, but for a whole new reason. 

Once her pants are completely off and she’s left only in her underwear, I gently kiss my way up her legs, to her stomach, to her chest, neck and finally her lips. Distracted in the kiss and the feel of her almost naked body underneath mine, she easily flips me so now she straddles me. 

“My turn.” She whispers. She lowers down my body so her head is at the hem of my shirt along with her hands. For every inch of skin she exposes with her hands, she kisses with her lips sucking occasionally. I can’t take my eyes off her as she makes her way up my body, my mouth open. 

When she gets to the top I lift my arms up and sit up just enough for her to slip it off. She tosses it next to us on the bed and lays on top of me. I place my hands on her butt, massaging lightly as I kiss the breath out of her. I pull away and the look of want I find in her eyes is bound to kill me. 

“We need to go to bed.” I whisper regretfully, my hands still palming her ass. Her wide eyes meet mine and she shakily nods her head agreeing with me, just as far gone as I am. 

“You’re right Cowboy.” She grinds into me and gives me one more kiss for good measure, reigniting the fire I was just starting to tame. Next, she slides off of me and sits with her legs crossed on the bed next to me, grabbing my shirt and slipping it on. Flipping her hair twice before laying down again. 

With her head resting on my bare chest, her hand gripping the hairs there, and my hand resting on her scantily clad behind, we say goodnight still very turned on but completely satisfied.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @Mystique_N inspired me to write this tonight because of the comment left on my last chapter. Your comments always make me smile. Everyone, thanks so much for reading! I am absolutely loving writing this story and hearing your thoughts. Let me know what you think.

“Blake” I wake up to a soft voice in my ear and initially I groan at the interruption of my sleep thinking it’s Jace about to make his usual breakfast request, but then I feel the smooth toned leg sliding up and down between mine. My eyes stayed closed but my cheeks twitch up when I come to my senses and remember Gwen is in bed with me and all the events that transpired the night before. 

“Blake” she tries again and her finger starts making circles on my chest next to where her head is still resting. I give in and turn to my side to face her, throwing an arm over her waist and pulling her close enough for us to be nose to nose, opening my eyes still sporting a sleepy smile. 

She’s still wearing my t-shirt, but it’s ridden halfway up her back throughout the night and the tightly wrapped bun on top of her head has come loose allowing a few stray hairs to frame her face. Resting my hand on the bare part of her back, I move my fingers back and forth. She raises her hand to rest on the side of my face, both of us content with the silence and the contact. 

Taking me by surprise, Gwen leans forward and gives me the most gentle kiss that makes me warm and fills me with love. She pulls back after a couple of seconds with a soft smile and resumes her previous position still not saying a word. 

“What was that for?” I whisper, my face mirroring hers. They’re my first words of the morning, so my accent is a little thicker and my voice is a little hoarse. I can tell she likes it because her smile gets bigger. 

“Everything.” She replies and her eyes are full of wonder as they stare back into mine. “You’re so amazing, you were so considerate last night, you’re so sweet and gentle, you listen, you’re always there, and I just can’t believe that I’ve found someone like you.” 

I reach up and take her hand that’s resting on my face, bringing it to my lips to place a kiss on the back of it. “I could say the same thing about you darlin’. You deserve to be treated with respect.” 

“See? That right there is what I’m talking about.” She says in a soft voice. 

“All I’m saying is, I don’t deserve you and I’d be a fool to screw around now that I got lucky enough to have you.” 

“You don’t realize how amazing you are, do you? You deserve the world Blake.” She squeezes my hand that’s resting between us. Her comment makes me smile because for the past few months I’ve been feeling insecure and inadequate, but she is helping me realize that maybe that’s not true. Maybe I’m not as terrible of a man as Miranda made me feel like I was. 

“I only want that world if it has you in it.” I smirk at my words, knowing it will make her blush and hide her face in my chest. 

We lay there together hugging and dozing in and out, enjoying the morning until we hear a toilet flush down the hall. Her head snaps up to look at mine, our eyes wide with panic. 

“My mom’s up!” I say in a frantic whisper. Gwen pushes against my chest and scrambles out of my bed, tripping on the sheets and putting her jeans on in a hurry. “What are you doing?” I ask getting out of bed myself to throw a shirt on. 

“I’m going to see if I can get down stairs before she finishes in the bathroom.” She says in a hushed but rushed voice. “You stay here for a while. Maybe she won’t suspect anything.” 

“Okay, okay go.” I open the door for her and wave her on. She jogs past me and down the stairs making her way to the couch, where my mom thought she was going to sleep last night. 

I close the door again quietly to not draw any attention and pace my bedroom with a tight grip on my hair hoping she made it in time. Sure, my mom had suspicions last night but it’s another thing for her to wake up and find us in bed together. 

I give it about ten minutes before I test my luck and make my way downstairs. I do my best to hide the worried expression on my face when I enter the kitchen to find Gwen and my mom. It was still relatively early so the kids were still passed out in the living room, thank God. 

“Good morning.” I say hoping I don’t sound as nervous as I feel. I walk over to my mom to give her a hug and a kiss, eyeing Gwen in the process hoping she can give me some kind of indication of what happened. She just raises her hands in an ‘I don’t know’ gesture and shrugs her shoulders. Shit she’s still wearing my shirt. 

“Good morning baby.” She gives me a pat on the back with one hand while she turns on the stove with the other. “Go sit down I’m about to start on breakfast.” I make my way over and sit next to Gwen. We keep our hands to ourselves and our eyes glued to my mom as we sit in silence watching her make breakfast, too nervous to speak. I just sip on a cup of coffee that was waiting for me at my seat when I sat down in an attempt to calm my nerves. 

My mom serves up pancakes and eggs for breakfast for the three of us and I’m mid bite when my mom says, “So, Gwen I couldn’t help but notice you changed shirts.” I swear I almost dropped my fork and I see Gwen choke on the coffee she was drinking. My mom was casual as could be, making the comment while she poured syrup over her pancakes. 

“Uh, yeah she came up after I went to bed and asked for a shirt. She said that her blouse was too uncomfortable and that she couldn’t sleep in it.” I don’t dare look up at her as I speak. I keep my eyes focused on my plate, moving the food around with my fork. I see Gwen blush out of the corner of my eye because we did talk about her blouse being uncomfortable last night, but we didn’t handle it the way I just described. 

“You two think I was born yesterday, don’t y’all?” My eyes shoot up to meet hers at how blunt her statement was. She doesn’t sound angry just amused. 

“W-what?” I stutter. 

“You don’t think I know y’all slept together in your room last night, really Blake? I know I’m your momma, but I was young once too. I did my fair share of sneaking around. Besides, y’all aren’t that great at hiding it. I heard Gwen run down the stairs this morning like the house was on fire and y’all haven’t said a word to each other since you got down here.” I stare at her in a stunned silence with my eyes wide and my mouth hanging open. 

“I’m sorry Dorothy, we shouldn’t have lied to you last night and we shouldn’t have been sneaking behind your back. I guess we were trying to avoid the awkward conversation, that didn’t really work out.” Gwen lets out an awkward laugh as she apologizes to my mom. 

“Sweetheart, it’s okay relax. I know y’all are adults in a relationship, I can’t really be angry. This is his house anyway.” She gestures my way with her head. “I’m just glad I didn’t hear anything. Promise me y’all are being careful?” She says in a suggestive tone and breaks eye contact. 

“Noooo, no, no, no, no.” I hold out my hands in front of me and frantically shake my head. “We didn’t do anything. Just slept that’s all. Just. Sleep.” I make sure I’m clear. 

“Yeah, we’re not ready to take that step yet.” Gwen says shyly as she looks my way for the first time this morning since I came down stairs. 

“Right it’s way too early and you and the kids were in the house. No.” I am beyond embarrassed by the conversation I am having right now with my mother. My mom nods her head, understanding that last night was completely innocent. Well, not completely but she doesn’t need to know that. 

“Okay I believe you, but honey you’re going to have to get used to doing it with kids in the house, you can’t just send them away every time you’re in the mood.” I swear my mom is trying to kill me. She’s talking to me as if it is the most normal thing in the world to talk to her 40-year-old son about sex in front of his new girlfriend. 

“Stop! Please stop. I am not having this conversation with you. Especially not with Gwen right there, I mean come on momma please!” I am pleading with her and I know my face is beet red. I hear Gwen giggle beside me. I turn my head to look at her in shock and see her covering her mouth with her hand trying to hide her laughter. 

“Sorry babe, but she’s right.” She says in between laughs. 

“Oh my God, you too? No, no I am not doing this!” I push my chair back and get up as quick as possible making my way out onto the back porch as fast as possible unable to explain the level of embarrassment I feel right now. It might have been better if my mom would have walked in on us last night. Maybe then she’d be quiet and distant rather than open and ready to talk. 

I’d been out on the porch alone for about 15 minutes, gripping the railing, hanging my head with my eyes closed trying as hard as I could to wipe what just happened out of my memory, when I feel two arms slip around my midsection and a kiss being placed between my shoulder blades. I tense at the contact suddenly scared that my mom is going to appear out of nowhere. 

“Shh, it’s okay, relax.” Gwen murmurs into my back. Slowly I loosen my grip on the railing in favor of bringing my hands up to meet her intertwined ones resting on my stomach. 

“What are you doing out here?” I ask feeling more reserved around her than normal. 

“I figured I’d come out here and make sure you were still alive. You looked like you were about to drop dead of embarrassment in there.” She giggles, amused by my behavior. 

“I really don’t see what’s so funny!” I say in a high-pitched voice, practically a shout. I turn around to face her, holding my arms out to the side and giving her a confused look, all that does is make her laugh some more. I scoff at how lightly she’s taking this. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” She holds her hands out in front of her, breaking eye contact and sucking her lips between her teeth trying to contain her laughter, but failing miserably. 

“Seriously? We were literally just caught by my mom on the first night you stayed over and then she tried to talk to us about our future sex life. You’re sitting there laughing like it’s the best thing in the world to talk about over breakfast. Normal girl talk or something.” The embarrassment is creeping back up as I rehash the morning. 

“It’s not the most normal conversation to have with your boyfriend’s mom after you just met her the night before, Blake but I’m too old to be embarrassed by it. It would have been totally normal if we would have had sex last night and she understands that. I’d rather just laugh it off I guess.” She finishes with a smile on her face, her chest still shaking slightly with left over laughter. 

“But that’s my mom.” I groan/whine closing my eyes. 

“I know, come here baby.” She holds her arms open to me and I don’t hesitate to walk into them needing the comfort. “We’ll just have to be more careful next time, that’s all.” She says into my neck as her fingers run through my hair. 

“There won’t be a next time.” I say back. 

“What?” She pulls back to meet my eyes, looking hurt. I realize my mistake immediately. 

“Oh no, baby.” I pull her back into my arms, feeling horrible for making her doubt this. “I mean there won’t be a next time because my mom leaves on Saturday. Baby I could never let you go I’m sorry.” She lets out a relieved sigh as she nuzzles further into my shirt. I rock her and kiss her head over and over again until I feel the tension release from her body. 

“We should probably get ready, we have to be on set in an hour.” I rub her back, still rocking smoothly. 

“Yeah, right I almost forgot.” She unwraps her arms from around me and turns to walk back inside to get dressed still looking slightly dejected. 

“Hey.” I grab her hand and pull her back to me lifting her chin and giving her a firm chaste kiss. “Don’t doubt us okay?” I hope she can hear the sincerity in my voice. 

She gives me a soft smile and pats my chest. “I’m not Cowboy. Now let’s get going before we’re late.” This time she takes my hand and pulls me inside with her. 

When we come downstairs dressed and ready to go, Gwen finally spots the kids on the couch. 

“Oh, no! What am I going to do with them? I don’t have time to drop them off anywhere I’ll be late.” I can hear the panic in her voice and I think fast to calm her down. 

“Just leave them here. My mom was going to bring Ryan and Jace up to set today anyway, she can bring the boys too. This way we can drive to work together and just say that you came by this morning to drop the kids off for a play day and we decided to carpool.” She still looks worried. 

“I can’t ask your mom to do that. She’s already doing enough already.” 

“Oh yes you can sweetie, I’d be happy to watch them this morning before I come up to see y’all. It’s really no problem.” My mom interrupts our conversation. Gwen rushes over to give her a hug. 

“Thank you so much Dot, I really appreciate it.” 

“No problem. Y’all should go before you’re late.” My mom pulls away and gives Gwen a smile before walking back into the kitchen. 

We rush to the car and Gwen drives because we’ll get there faster that way. 

“Buckle up.” She demands. 

“Should I be worried?” I act scared to get in the car but really, I know she’s one of the most vigilant drivers in the world. She’s become so cautious because of the boys. She just laughs pulling her sunglasses over her eyes and starting the engine. 

“Just hold on.” She jokes, backing out of the driveway. 

After going slightly over the speed limit and taking a shortcut I never knew about, we make it to set just on time. That doesn’t stop us from taking a moment in the car before we have to go back into hiding for the day. We parked at the back of the lot to make sure no one sees us. 

I take her hand in mine and hold it over the center console. 

“You think you’re going to be able to keep your hands off me all day?” I smirk, playing with the gel nail polish on her nails. She rolls her eyes at my comment and smiles. 

“It’ll definitely be a test of my will, but I think I’ll survive Cowboy.” She plays along. 

“Maybe we can sneak in some time at lunch?” I look up at her with puppy dog eyes and a pout on my face. She brings her hand up to stroke my cheek and one side of her mouth turns up at my question. 

“I was thinking the same thing babe.” 

I lean over to claim her lips one last time for the next few hours. We let our tongues brush and our lips explore until my phone buzzes. It’s a text from Adam asking where I am. Her phone buzzes seconds later with the same text from Pharrell. We both sigh, but understand it’s time to step out of our bubble. 

“Let’s go sunflower.” I give her hand one more squeeze and open my door to get out. 

“I can’t wait til lunch.” She whispers to herself as she does the same making me chuckle.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this chapter is very poorly written so I apologize in advance, it will be better next time I promise. Also, I'm sorry if you get mad at me for the end of this chapter, but momma Shelton had something to say and her baby always listens. Let me know what you think and leave me some comments. Thanks for reading!

“Hey guys, sorry we’re late.” I walk into the conference room with Gwen right behind me earning a few curious looks.

            “No problem, just sit down so we can get started.” Mark doesn’t acknowledge that we came in together, not wanting to be nosy. Adam didn’t care about that because right when I sat down next to him he slid his notepad over to me with a note.

             _“Did you guys ride in together?”_ I look over at him and nod, when he gives me a curious look I grab my pen and write him a note myself.

             _“She came over to my place this morning to drop off her boys so the kids could spend the day together. We decided to carpool.”_ He squints his eyes and glances over at Gwen like he doesn’t believe me, she gives him a smile and looks back to Mark who’s speaking at the front of the room. Adam leans back in his chair, letting it go for now.

            I see Gwen eyeing us, typing on her phone. I pull mine out right when a text from her pops up.

            _“Good luck with that.”_ I know she’s talking about Adam, he can be very persistent when he wants to figure something out.

             _“I’ll try and say as little as possible. Don’t worry.”_ We had agreed that we weren’t going to say anything about us until we were more sure about what we were, last thing I want is this making her run.

             _“I’m not worried, I trust you.”_ That makes me feel so good. The fact that she trusts me means everything. Trust was lost in both of our previous relationships, so this is refreshing. Rather than reply I look up at her and wink.

            We get through the rest of the meeting without a hitch, but as soon as I step out the door Adam is in my ear.

            “What’s going on with you and Gwen?” I have to be careful in how I approach this.

            “Absolutely nothing dude.”

            “Is she the person you were going out with the day you said you couldn’t go out with me?” Why does he have to be so specific?

            “What? No Adam. She’s just helping me get adjusted with the kids.”

            “Then who did you go out with? You’ve been happier lately. Do you have a girlfriend?” I guess my mom wasn’t the only one who has noticed that I’m happier. The questions are rapid fire.

            “No Adam I don’t have a girlfriend. I went out with an old buddy that day.” Hopefully that will be enough.

            “Well, do you like her? Gwen, I mean.” My breath catches in my throat at that question because admitting to Adam that I have a crush on Gwen doesn’t mean that there’s anything going on between us. I don’t know if I should tell him or play stupid.

            “Of course, I like her dude. She’s great.” I reply as nonchalant as possible making it sound like I was just talking about her as a person.

            “No doofus, I meant do you like, like her?” I sigh, knowing I’m going to have to tell him because there’s no way I could lie about that with a straight face.

            “Yeah… But that doesn’t mean anything, she would never go for someone like me.” Oh, if only he knew, but playing insecure will keep his suspicions at bay.

            “You’ll never know unless you try. She obviously likes spending time with you. I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. I think you should give it a shot.” His previously goofy, proding tone has been replaced with sincerity. Every once in a while Adam does things that remind me how lucky I am to have a friend like him and this is one of those times.

            “Thanks, Adam. Maybe one day, but not anytime soon. I’m not ready yet, everything is still so raw.” I lie about not being ready. I really don’t know how much more ready I could be, especially if last night was any indication. A relationship with Gwen and the kids is all I can think about these days. If only my sister could see me now, she would freak out. Endy absolutely worshiped Gwen and No Doubt when she was younger. She’d already be asking me to marry her so she could call her, her sister.

            “I understand you’ve been through a lot, but don’t hang on it too long. A woman like her won’t be available long buddy. She’s more than just a pretty face.” I smile softly at his words.

            “She is more than that, so much more.” I know I look so love struck right now and it’s probably not helping my case but I can’t help it.

            “Man, you’re already whipped and nothing’s even happened yet!” He laughs snapping me out of my daydream.

            “Shut up. I am not whipped.” I shove him a little trying to lighten the mood and change the subject.

            “Whatever you say.” He raises his hands in a surrendering gesture making me roll my eyes.

            “Let’s go we need to film.” I hate it when he’s right. I’m already twice wrapped around Gwen’s little finger. She’d be hard pressed to find something I wouldn’t do for her already.

            I’m relieved when we make it to the stage and we have to sit in our chairs because that means I’m as far away from Adam as I could possibly be, avoiding anymore questions. I sit down with an exhausted sigh and Gwen notices. She picks up her phone again.

            _“That bad huh?”_

_“He asks so many questions. It’s exhausting.”_

_“What did you say?”_

             _“I kind of admitted that I liked you. I felt like I was in high school again having to tell my buddy who I had a crush on.”_

             _“Aww, you like me Blakey? I have a secret… I like you too.”_ She adds on a few blushing emoji’s.

             _“Score!!! I have a chance.”_ I text back wanting to make her laugh. She sends back some laughing faces, they can’t compare to the real thing but I won’t complain.

             _“I’d say after last night you have more than a chance Cowboy.”_ I choke on my drink and I hear her giggle from where she’s sitting.

             _“Don’t play dirty Sunflower. I can’t touch you for another 4 hours.”_

             _“But playing dirty might make lunch that much more fun…”_

 _“I’m putting my phone away now before I embarrass myself in front of everyone in this studio.”_ I lock my phone and shove it in my pocket, flustered, not daring to look her way.

            Adam doesn’t miss a beat with his newfound information. He takes every chance he gets to subtly hint at me liking Gwen.

             _“Doesn’t Gwen look beautiful today Blake?”_

_“Hey Blake, why are you staring at Gwen?”_

_“I’m Gwen’s biggest fan I love all her music, don’t you just love her voice Blake?”_

            Hours of teasing, I swear if I could punch him I would. Gwen seems amused every time I answer each question through gritted teeth so he could see how unimpressed I am by his line of questioning. He couldn’t care less. Pharrell just sits there quiet, amused like always.

            I fall face first on my couch, annoyed and tired by the constant pestering by the time lunch rolls around. I hear a shy knock at the door.

            “Come in.” I groan, not getting up. Gwen slips in without opening the door too much and locks it behind her. She giggles when she sees me, sliding up next to me on the couch and lifting my arm so I would wrap her up.

            “I’m sorry baby, he’ll get over it by tomorrow. The fun will wear off, he’s like a kid you know that.” She kisses my forehead. I just groan again.

            “I swear everyone is out to make my life miserable today. First my mom and that awkward conversation, now Adam with his comments. Can the day just be over already?” I close my eyes tightly imagining I was back home.

            “What can I do to help?”

            “Make everyone stop talking for the rest of the day. Maybe we could all play that quiet game you told me about for the kids?” My eyes open with excitement at my own idea.

            “I meant, what can I realistically do for you to relieve some of this stress?” Her hand that has been rubbing my back slipped lower and rested on my butt while she bites her lip. I get the hint. I turn on my side so I’m able to face her more comfortably. My hand reaches up for the necklace that is laying low on her chest.

            “I may have some ideas, but I’d like to see what yours are first. You’re the more creative one of the two of us.” I smirk using a suggestive voice.

            “Well when I’m stressed I do yoga, I pray, I meditate, I go get my nails done. That sounds fun. Red would be a beautiful color on you Cowboy.” I should have known what I was walking into. I whine slipping my hand to her ass and bringing her closer to me, squeezing it in the process. She sighs in pleasure and her eyes glaze over slightly.

            “Think _harder_.” I grind into her so she knows what I mean.

            “Something else that has been relaxing me lately is making out with a cute Cowboy, but I don’t know if he’s available.”

            “He’s available.” I whisper as I close the gap between us.

            She pushes on my shoulder forcing me to lay on my back and she straddles me. I wish I could undress her, but if I take that dress off her, her stylist will kill me. That doesn’t stop her though. With our lips still connected she moves her hands to the buttons on my shirt and starts undoing them slowly. I’ve had enough teasing today.

            “Take it off.” I command gruffly breaking away from her lips for barely a second. She complies and quickens her movements. As soon as her hands are splayed across my bare chest I moan and slip my finger tips as far under the hem of her dress as possible.

            Our tongues are fighting for dominance and her hips have settled into a slow rhythm on top of mine. I’m close to having an uncomfortable situation happen in my pants and by the way she’s breaking away to moan more frequently I would say she is too.

            “Gwen.” I whisper, my hands still guiding her hips on top of mine. She leans down to kiss my neck biting when I hit a certain spot. Her fingernails dig deeper into my chest and mine into her thighs. We’re about to fall over the edge together when there’s a persistent knocking on the door.

            “Uncle Blake, Uncle Blake open the door!” She flies off me faster than I could even register what was happening. She immediately starts fixing her dress and fussing over her lipstick. I didn’t think they would be here this early, they were supposed to come after lunch.

            I quickly button up my shirt and straighten out my hair. I clear my throat when I unlock the door and act like we didn’t just get interrupted.

            “Hey guys. You’re early. I thought you were coming over after lunch.” I say with the biggest fake smile on my face and best voice I could muster.

            “We wanted to come early!” Jace shouted and ran into my trailer without thinking anything was off. Ryan was more observant.

            “Why are you wearing lipstick?” She tilts her head to the side and squints her eyes completely confused. I knew I forgot something.

            “Uhhh..” I look up to see my mom behind the kids for the first time and she can’t help but bust out laughing when she sees my face for the first time. No help from that department. “Umm, Gwen and I were just playing a game of makeover that’s all. She was showing me how to put on her lipstick.” That excuse is so ridiculous, but I hope she buys it.

            “Well you did a really bad job.” She says matter of factly, sauntering by me and into the room not thinking anything of it. As soon as she’s inside I start wiping at my mouth frantically. Once I think it’s off I clamp my eyes shut and turn my head in my mom’s direction again. Great, all I needed was to fuel her fire.

            She walks up the stairs, straightens my collar and smiles and says, “Y’all are something else.” Then she just pushes past me and into the room. I turn around and watch her in complete shock that that’s all she had to say knowing what was just interrupted.

            “By the way Gwen, the boys went to your trailer to look for you thinking that’s where you’d be.” Gwen blushes and starts to get up.

            “I should go get them. I’ll bring them over so we can go get them food from catering together.” She brushes past me on her way out and squeezes my bicep.

            When she’s gone my mom grabs my hand and leads me outside the trailer, cracking the door so we can hear the kids still. She sits on the stairs and pats the spot next to her wanting me to follow.

            “Y’all are moving kind of fast, no?” She keeps her voice quiet and her eyes scan the room to make sure no one sneaks up on us.

            “I don’t know. Maybe a little.” I honestly don’t know what the right pace is for this. “It doesn’t feel rushed. Everything we’re doing feels right, but I know that from a time standpoint it seems fast.”  I pick at the cuticle of my thumb waiting for her to give me some insight on this.

            “I didn’t mean to embarrass you in front of her this morning, I’m sorry.” She bumps her shoulder against mine and I look up to her and give her a small smile letting her know I’m not angry.

            “It’s okay momma. I’m not mad, after talking to Gwen she actually made it kind of funny.”

            “I still shouldn’t have said it in front of her. Look son, I know it may be none of my business and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want, but when you told me this morning that y’all didn’t go that far last night you weren’t lying to me right?” I blush at her question and hesitate, but I can tell she’s asking out of more than just sheer curiosity.

            “I mean, we didn’t just sleep… but we didn’t go that far either.” I whisper my answer and look back down at my hands still slightly embarrassed but more open than I was this morning with Gwen around. My mom lets out a quiet relieved sigh and places her hand on my knee.

            “Honey I know you really like this girl and I like her too. She’s brought you happiness and that’s all a momma ever wants for her baby, but please promise me you’ll be careful. I don’t want to make you second guess anything with her I just wanted to tell you to maybe be a little more guarded with your heart. You of all people should know that feelings can be deceiving. I don’t want you to get hurt again and you have to remember, this time it won’t just be you.” I should be angry with her for trying to tell me how to feel and how to act around Gwen but I’m not. I need her insight and her clarity because I have been known to fall fast and be blind in the process. She’s my eyes. That doesn’t mean I always know exactly what she wants me to do though.

            “So, what do I do? Do I stop seeing her as much? I don’t really want to do that momma, I like having her around.” She shakes her head softly at me.

            “I’m not saying stop seeing her as much, all I’m saying is maybe you should hold off on any more sleepovers until you know each other better. I know it can be hard to make that decision to stop in the heat of the moment but you need to understand that you need to build a relationship emotionally before you do anything physical. That’s how they last baby.” She’s right. Miranda and I didn’t wait to have sex when we started dating and look where we ended up.

            “I hear what you’re saying and it is hard to stop, but I’m going to. I want this with her to last more than anything. She’s becoming my best friend more and more everyday.” I look sincerely into her eyes.

            “That’s what you need to focus on, the friend half of this relationship. I’m not saying stop kissing either. Kiss away, but keep it at that for a while. If she really wants you for more than that, she won’t push and she’ll stick around. If she leaves because you won’t give it up, then she’s not the girl for you honey.” I blush at the kissing part.

            “Gwen’s different, I know she wants me for more than just sex. She’s more insecure than I am. The amount of damage her ex did is terrible. I don’t think she’s ready to go that far either. She’s very emotional and very traditional. I will admit we got carried away last night, but I don’t think she’ll be staying over again this week.”

            “Good. I hope you know I’m saying all this with the best of intentions.  I don’t want you to think I’m trying to sabotage anything for you, I just can’t bear to see you get hurt again. You’re my last baby I have to protect your heart the best I can.” Her voice breaks at the last sentence and her eyes fill. I immediately pull her into my side and kiss her head rocking us from side to side. One arm goes around me and the other rests on my neck as she lets go. She sobs into my shirt while I try to soothe her.

            “I know momma and I’m glad I have you around to help me see clearly. I love you so much and I’m not going anywhere. You and the kids are my first priority everyone else can wait. I love you so much, please don’t cry.” I whisper into her hair as my own eyes start to fill as she sobs in my arms. It breaks my heart that she has to live with the fact that two of her babies are gone. Her kids were her legacy, what she was supposed to have to show for her life when she died, but now she’s had to bury them. This is the first time she’s broken on me. She’s been so strong, comforting me when I needed it but has been sure to hide her feelings from me. I’m glad she’s finally letting go.

            Gwen walks back to find a completely different scene than the one she left just five minutes ago.

            “Is everything okay?” She asks concerned with the boys by her side looking on with worried eyes. By now my mom’s sobs have died down to sniffles so she pulls away and wipes at her eyes to rid her face of the tear track while I rub her back. I can tell she’s still not ready to speak though.

            “Yeah, just having a moment. Something Ryan did brought back a memory. Everything’s good now.” I lie. My eyes still haven’t left the side of my mom’s face, but I draw a smile on mine. At that moment, I vow to make sure that I’m completely head over heels in love with Gwen and that I’m sure she feels the same way about me before I go all the way with her. My family can’t take anymore heartbreak.

            “Is everyone ready for lunch?” I change the subject getting up from the stairs and holding my hand down to my mom to help her up. She gives me one more hug when she’s on her feet before she speaks.

            “Yeah, let’s go. Ryan! Jace! Come on, let’s go get food.” Two hungry children run out of the trailer and we are on our way. I sit next to my mom today at lunch instead of Gwen. I can’t let my feelings for her take me away from the very first woman in my life. The woman who set the example for what I look for in my own relationships.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just kind of a filler/lead in, a little bit shorter than normal. Not my favorite chapter, but I hope you like it. Please leave feedback it really helps and makes me think about the direction of the story. Thanks so much for reading!!!

“Are you sure?” She asks for the millionth time making me groan. It was Saturday and it was time for my mom to go home.

            “Yes momma. Everything will be fine here, you need to go home and take care of Mike.” I take her by the shoulders and start walking her towards the stairs of the plane.

            “Okay, but if you need anything you can call me. I don’t care what time it is, if you have a question about the kids or you need to talk about something just call me.”

            “Yes ma’am, I promise. It’s just one more week and then we’ll come home, I think I can handle it.” I lean down and give her a kiss on the cheek, then hand her, her backpack. I was flying her home on my private plane. I didn’t want her getting harassed on her way home. This way she could get in and out of the airport with hardly anybody knowing she was there.

            “Alright I’m going. I love you honey.” She reluctantly starts climbing the stairs.

            “I love you too. Text me when you land so I know you made it back alright.”

            “Alright. I’ll see you soon.” She blows the kids one more kiss and gives them one last wave from where they’re waiting in the car on the tarmac before turning and climbing the rest of the way up.  Once the cabin door shuts I take a deep breath and turn and make my way back to the truck. This is the real test, I have a week alone with the kids to prove to them that we can do this.

            “Okay guys, so what do we want for lunch?” I ask as I climb in the front seat and adjust the rearview mirror so I can see them in the backseat.

            “Whataburger!” I grimace at the request knowing that I can’t fulfill it.

            “Sorry guys, they don’t have Whataburger here. They do have Chick-fil-a though, how about that?”  
            “I guess. Why don’t they have Whataburger here?” The enthusiasm was replaced with disappointment and confusion.

            “Uhh, I don’t know. It’s just a southern thing I guess.” I start the truck and pull off the tarmac and onto the street to search for the nearest Chick-fil-a.

            “Well these people are missing out” I hear Ryan grumble from her car seat making me chuckle.

            We get to the restaurant and I order the kids their kids meals and something for me and make my way home. They had requested we eat in the den while we watch cartoons, specifically the Incredibles, and I wasn’t going to complain. It had been a long week and watching some mindless television might help me decompress.

            I set the kids up on the floor in front of the coffee table with their food while I pop in the movie. I kept their toys from their meals until they’ve eaten, just like my daddy used to do with us and how Endy had continued doing with them. I sit in the lounger off to the side with my meal and let my body melt into the material, feeling the tension of the week slowly leave my body.

            As the movie begins, my thoughts drift to Gwen and what she’s doing. She dropped the kids off with their dad last night, so that meant she was alone again. I decide to text her to make sure she’s okay.

            _“Hey just checking in. How are you holding up?”_ The response is almost immediate.

            _“I don’t know. I miss them so much and I wish they were with me, but I want them to have a relationship with their dad too. I haven’t drowned in my own tears yet if that’s what you’re asking. Might get there though…”_

_“I don’t like that you’re sitting at home alone sad, Gwen.”_

_“I’ll be fine I promise.”_ I don’t believe her and I hesitate before I respond. I know what I want to say, but I don’t know if I should. We weren't planning to hang out today because she knew I had to drop my mom off at the airport. Screw it, she needs me.

 _“I hate to impose, but I’m watching a very interesting movie right now with the kids and you’re welcome to come over if you’d like.”_ I take a peek over at the kids sitting on the floor curled up in a blanket watching the superheroes on the screen while I wait for her answer.

            _“You are definitely not imposing Cowboy. I could use some company right now. What movie are we watching?”_

_“The Incredibles. Amazing piece of art if I must say so myself.”_

_“I love that movie! I’m on my way.”_

            I put my phone down after that text and get up to clean up the trash from lunch. The kids hadn’t even noticed I moved until I stepped in front of the television for a brief second, where at that point they groan in protest.

            “I’m moving, I’m moving geez.” They’ve seen the movie a million times, but God forbid they miss something.

            I clean up the kitchen some and make sure there’s a bottle of wine ready for when Gwen gets here. I lean up against the counter and get lost in my thoughts when I’m interrupted by a little voice.

            “What are you doing?” Jace walks up to me leans his entire body on the front of my legs.

            “Just thinking buddy. What are you doing here, shouldn’t you be watching the movie?”

            “Nah, they’re trapped right now. I don’t like that part.” I lean down to pick him up and rest him on my hip so we could be face to face while we talked.

            “Well you can wait in here with me. Gwen’s coming over in a little bit so she can finish watching it with us.”

            “Really? Are King, Zuma and Apollo coming too?” I frown at his question.

            “No, they can’t come. They are with their dad this week.” I explain knowing he wouldn’t understand.

            “He can come too!” Jace exclaims thinking he just solved the problem.

            “No buddy he can’t, Gwen doesn’t want him to come.”

            “Why not?” I sigh, why does a four-year-old have so many questions? Granted he’s almost five, but still.

            “Well because they aren’t married anymore buddy.” I’m trying to be as vague as possible.

            “Like you and Aunt Randa?” I smile softly at how smart and innocent he is.

            “Yeah, just like me and Aunt Randa.”

            “Oh.” He frowns seeming to understand. “Blakey?” I’m taken back by the concern in his voice, so I brush the hair on his face and look into his eyes giving him my full attention.

            “Yeah, buddy?”

            “You’re like our daddy now, right?”

            “Yes, and I love you and take care of you just like daddy.”

            “So, does that mean we have to go away with Randa sometimes like King, Zuma, and Apollo since she’s like our mommy?” My eyes widen at his question not expecting that to come out of his mouth.

            “Oh, no buddy. You and Ryan stay right here with me. Always, you understand?” He nods, but he frowns.

            “Does she not want to see us?” I can see the tears forming in his eyes. I never thought about how the divorce would affect them. I was really close with my sister so she was always around when I was home. That meant the kids not only became attached to me, but to Miranda as well. I hug him tight to my chest and put my hand on the back of his head, holding him as if he were a baby. I absolutely resented Miranda, but I didn’t want to make her look like a monster to the kids.

            “No baby, I’m sure she wants to see you! Randa just doesn’t want to see me that’s all.” I started bouncing him a little, remembering how as a baby that would always calm him down.

            “How come?”

            “Well, I made her sad before she left.” He lifts his head from my shoulder to speak, still with tears in his eyes.

            “Can’t you say sorry? When I make Ryan sad, I say sorry and she’s not anymore.” He says it as if it’s that simple.

            “You miss her?” I ask feeling guilty.

            “Yeah.” He whispers.

            “How about we call her sometime? I know she’d love to talk to you and Ryan.”

            “Please?”

            “No problem, buddy. You have to talk to me about this stuff. Don’t hide anything I want to help.” I should have known I wasn’t going to get rid of Miranda that easily, but if it means keeping the kids happy I’m willing to face her.

            “Okay.” I give him one more hug and lower him to his feet just as the doorbell rings.

            “That’s Gwen. Go back in there with your sister while I go let her in.” He nods running off to return to the blanket nest him and Ryan had created on the floor.

\---

            I open my front door to find a miserable looking Gwen. She’s in a pair of loose jeans, vans and a hoodie. Her face is completely make up free with the exception of some smeared mascara under her eyes telling me she’s been crying already.

            “Hey Sunflower.” I greet her cautiously, understanding that she’s fragile right now. She smiles softly at me, but her face quickly turns somber again.

            She opens her arms for me right there on the porch. I can tell she’s trying to hold back tears so I step into her arms and squeeze her tight.

            “Hi Cowboy.” She sniffles after a few minutes of silence. I rub her back and pull away slightly so I can see her face.

            “You okay?”

            “Better now. You caught me just in time.”

            “Just in time for what?” I ask curious and she lets out a bitter chuckle.

            “I was about to crack open the bottle of vodka that’s been sitting in my liquor cabinet for like 20 years. I don’t drink, but here lately that bottle has been looking more and more tempting.” She sighs. She looks tired more than anything. Sure, she looks sad but she looks like she hasn’t slept in a few days either.

            “Well, I’m glad you’re still sober. I actually haven’t even had a drink myself since the accident. It’s amazing how much better I feel here lately not drowning my problems with alcohol.”  
            “I hear ya. So… you said something about a Disney movie?” She mentions the movie biting her lip innocently changing the subject making me laugh. I understand that she doesn't want to talk about her boys not being home. She can't change it, so talking about it only makes the pain worse. Better to just avoid it.

            “I did. They’re in there watching the Incredibles now.”

            “What are we waiting for then, let’s go.” She says enthusiastically trying to walk past me. I block the doorway.

            “Uh, Uh. Mr. Incredible wants a kiss first.”  I tap my lips with my index finger.

            “Mr. Incredible huh?” She huffs giving me an incredulous look.

            “I thought it was fitting.” I shrug.

            “Well, you are pretty incredible.” She whispers, slipping her arms around my shoulders and leaning in to place a sweet, short kiss on my lips not wanting to risk one of the kids walking up on us.

            “That’s’ more like it.” I say as she pulls away. “Let’s go.” I grab her hand and lead her into the house.

\---

            “Hi guys!” She smiles greeting the kids as she walks in the den. Jace just waves not bothering to look over at her since he already knew she was here. Ryan on the other hand, looks over.

            “Hi.” She looks behind Gwen expecting to see the boys too but furrows her brow when she comes up empty.

            “Gwen’s boys are away and she was feeling lonely, so I told her she could hang out with us. Is that okay?”

            “Yeah.” Ryan says slowly like she’s suspicious and turs back to the screen. She’s going to figure it out first, I’d put money on it.

            Gwen and I don’t sit close together, not wanting to give the kids any clue about us. She sits on one end of the couch with her feet stretched out in front of her and I on the other. There’s about 30 minutes left in the movie, so we try to keep quiet for the time remaining. We may not be able to talk, but by the smile I see on her face every time I look over at her I can tell she’s happy just having the company.

            When the credits are rolling, Ryan turns to face me. “Uncle Blake can I color now?”

            “Of course, sweetheart.”

            “I want to draw!” Jace shouts excitedly from where he sits.

            “Ask your sister if you can borrow her colors and some paper then.” Ryan of course, agrees without hesitation. She loves art and she’s willing to do it with anyone. They run off to get their supplies and rush back in immediately spreading out on the coffee table. I get up and gesture for Gwen to do the same.

            “Gwen and I are going to go to the study to talk, will you guys be okay alone?” The study is right down the hall and I will hear if anything starts to happen, but I want to make sure they’re fine with me leaving.

            “Y’all don’t want to draw too?” Ryan holds up a marker, offering it to me.

            “I absolutely do. We will be back quick, I just need to tell her something. I promise I will draw you a pretty picture when I get back and maybe Gwen will too.” I use my best kid voice that I have to admit has gotten better in the past couple of weeks.

            “I would love to draw you something when I get back Ryan.” Gwen adds in for good measure.

            “Okay! I want a horsey and princess.”

            “You got it sweetheart.” Satisfied with that she starts in on a drawing of her own.

            I lead Gwen to my study and close the door. I follow her lead and sit on the couch, finally able to get as close as possible since we’re alone. Once she’s settled against my chest and I have a curl to wrap around my finger and play with I decide to speak, suddenly nervous.

            “I had an interesting conversation with Jace right before you got here.” I begin, peaking her curiosity. I keep my voice calm not wanting her to take this the wrong way when I say it.

            “Oh yeah? What about?” She tilts her head back to look up at me and I hesitate.

            “He asked me about Miranda…”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things might slow down soon because summer is ending and life is about to start back up. I can't promise updates every other day but I will try my best. Anyway, let me know what you think of this chapter. Thanks so much for reading!!

“He asked me about Miranda…” She immediately detached herself from me and sat herself on the opposite side of the couch with her head down staring at her hands in her lap. I wanted to reach out and pull her back to me, I know this insecurity like the back of my hand because I have it myself. She’s sitting there thinking I’m going to leave and I can’t have that.

“Umm…what…what about her?” She says nervously.

            “No, we’re not doing this. We’re going to talk about this first.” I gesture between the two of us with my finger. I’m being stern, but I’m not angry. I just want her to understand she can trust me. “Why are you like this all of the sudden just because I said her name?” I know why but I need her to talk to me. She just shrugs her shoulders in response, her eyes still glued to her lap.

            “Look at me.” Nothing. “Gwen, please. Look at me.” I soften my voice some trying to ease her mind. Finally, she looks up and there are tears in her eyes ready to fall. It breaks my heart how insecure she is. It’s such a shame because I know how strong and confident she can be.

            “Why baby girl? What’s running through your head?” Speaking in a whisper, I reach my hand across the middle cushion to take one of her hands sitting in her lap. I run my thumb over her knuckles in a soothing motion. She keeps her eyes locked on mine and I can see the gears turning in her head. She’s trying to decide whether or not she wants to open up to me. I wait patiently knowing she’ll eventually talk.

            “It’s just…I know that Ryan and Jace are your number one priority now and if you feel like it would be in their best interest to have her around, you wouldn’t hesitate. That scares me because if she comes back…” She trails off and breaks eye contact again, no longer sure of herself.

            “If she comes back, what? Sunflower, please talk to me.” I squeeze her hand in reassurance.

            “If she comes back, then what will happen to us?” She whispers in a shaky breath, still struggling to hold back the tears. Her eyes meet mine again and I can see the worry and the residual pain behind them. I sigh when she finally says it, feeling like I just got punched in the gut.

            I get up from where I’m sitting, never releasing my grip on her hand and make my way in front of her where I get down on my knees. She’s staring at me with expectant eyes and I want to make my next words very clear.

            “Baby, I have nothing left in me for Miranda. Nothing but resentment and anger. IF she were to come back into my life for the kids, it would be strictly for them. The only person I care about spending time with and cuddling with and kissing and praising is you. You’re quickly becoming my world Gwen, I wish you could see how much you mean to me. Your company has be invaluable.” At this point a few tears have made their way down her cheek and I reach out and wipe them away. I hope she heard the sincerity with which I spoke.

            “You’re becoming my world too. I don’t want to lose you Blake, I can’t.” She leans forward and wraps her arms around my neck and buries her face in my neck from where I am on the floor. She lets the tears go and I whisper words of love in her ear until she calms down.

            “I’m not going anywhere.” I say when I feel like she’s calmed down enough, tightening my arms around her for emphasis.

            “I’m sorry. I should have known you’d never do that. I just know how easy it is. I took Gavin back more times than I can count and every time I knew I shouldn’t have, but I got caught remembering the him before he started cheating. It’s easy to forgive and forget when you believe in love. Eventually you wise up I guess.” She attempts to apologize and explain herslef in a quiet voice as she pulls back putting on her tough façade again.

            “Hey, it’s okay. We’ve both got our own insecurities we need to work through. You’ve wiped my tears countless times, it was my turn.” I shut down her apology as quick as possible. I’m here for her. She nods her head and takes a couple deep breaths.

            “So, what did he talk about?” She asks again, her voice sounding stronger and less worried.

            “Well, I sort of had to tell him about the boys having to spend time separately with you and Gavin and he asked if he was going to have to do that with Miranda since I’m “daddy” now. When I told him no, he seemed kinda disappointed. That’s when he told me he misses her sometimes. Honestly, I should have known. They were around us all the time.”

            “How are you going to handle that? It can’t be easy for you.” I sigh and furrow my brow.

            “It’s not easy but like you said, they’re my number one priority now and if they need her I’m going to have to accept that. I was thinking just some facetime calls here and there. If that’s not enough, then maybe I’ll have to schedule a visit or two. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” 

            “You’re such an amazing father Blake.” She reaches out and cups my cheek, her eyes filled with adoration. I smile at her and turn my head to place a kiss on the hand resting on my face.

            “Well I’m learning from an amazing mother who has figured out how to raise three boys on her own.” I say completely serious making her blush. With time, she’ll realize how strong she is.

            “Thank you.” She replies with a smile on her face that I return.

            “Now come on, I’ve got a horse to draw and you have a princess.” I get up and pat her thigh, holding out a hand to help her to her feet. When she’s up, she brings me down to give me a sweet, smiling kiss that’s full of appreciation for what we have.

            We walk back in the den to find that paper was no longer the canvas for the masterpieces being created with Crayola, Jace was. Somehow Ryan had managed to convince Jace that it would be a good idea if she gave him ‘tattoos’. They both have shit eating grins on their faces and I can’t help but laugh at the scene in front of me, Gwen joining in as well. As cute as it is, I know I need to put a stop to it.

            “Okay play time’s over, we draw on paper not our little brother.” I pick him up off the floor and observe the moustache drawn on his face with such care.

            “Look Uncle Blake, Ryan even drew your tattoo on me.” He lifts his arm to show me what could, sadly enough, be a replica of what’s currently on my arm.

            “Wow buddy. That’s great, but I think we need a bath now.” He pouts, remembering how well that worked for him last time. Not again. I turn and make my way towards the stairs so I could clean him up.

            “Do you mind?” I ask Gwen and nod towards the stairs, asking her if she’s okay with Ryan for a few minutes.

            “No, it’s fine, go.” She says laughing at the four-year old’s appearance and waving her hands with tears in her eyes.

            “Don’t draw on Gwen, Ryan.” I yell from the top of the stairs, hearing a faint giggle in response.

            “At least it’s washable” I mumble to myself, tickling Jace’s belly as we wait for the water to warm up.

            We’re back downstairs within twenty minutes, Jace’s skin having a pink tint from rubbing away the ink. The girls are still drawing when we rejoin them.

            “Uncle Blake, Gwen drew me a princess!!” Ryan shouts, holding up a picture with a grin on her face, beaming with excitement.

            “It’s beautiful sweetheart. And would you look at that, it’s on paper. We’ll put it on the fridge.” I smile back at her.

            “I feel so honored.” Gwen says sarcastically, bringing a hand up to her chest and wiping fake tears with the other making me laugh.

            Evening approaches quickly and everyone is starting to get hungry again.

            “Y’all ready for dinner?” I ask placing my marker down on the table, unsure of what I had drawn on the paper in front of me. It could pass for a horse if you squint your eyes and tilt your head the right way I guess. I’m in music for a reason.         

            After getting an affirmative from everyone, I grab my phone and head towards the kitchen with Gwen close behind.

            “What are you gonna make?” She asks placing a hand on my lower back.

            “I’m not making anything, Pizza Hut is. What do you want on your pizza?” I’m already dialing the number as I speak. She snatches the phone out of my hand making me look down at her in surprise. “Hey!”

            “What did they eat for lunch?” She has her eyebrows raised and a hand on her hip.

            “Chick-fil-a, why?” I ask, confused reaching for my phone. She just pulls her hand back.

            “Uh, uh. I am not letting them eat fast food twice in a day. They are going to get a home cooked meal.” She was right, feeding them from out every meal isn’t healthy. The only problem is, I don’t know my way around the kitchen unless it goes in the microwave. I was planning on learning eventually.

            “I don’t know how to cook!” I throw my hands out to the side and stare at her.

            “Well then you’re lucky I do. Let’s see what you got.” She makes her way over to the fridge and starts moving things around, looking for ingredients to whatever recipe she has decided on.

            “Get over here Cowboy, I’m going to teach you how to make a simple stir fry.” She turns around with an armful of ingredients that I wouldn’t even begin to know what to do with together. I walk towards her anyway.

            “Show me how it’s done Ms. Stefani.” I say clapping my hands in front of me, ready to learn.

            She spends thirty minutes showing me what spices to put on the chicken and how small to cut up the vegetables and mix them together, also how to cook the rice. She leaves me to watch over the pan while she prepares one without meat for herself. When everything is finished we put the mixture over the rice and I am truly proud of myself.

            “Woah. That was so easy. It smells amazing.” She giggles at my pride.

            “Cooking at home doesn’t have to be hard Cowboy. Good job.” She pats me on the shoulder.

            We call the kids in and set the table. Having a conversation with Gwen and the kids came very natural and I caught myself imagining this in the future, every night, a few times. I had to shake the thoughts out of my head because it was too soon to be having those ideas.

            “Alright, pajamas, teeth, then bed.” I announce, picking up the plates from dinner and placing them in the sink to be taken care of tomorrow. Both kids run off, racing up the stairs knowing whoever finished first got dibs on the blankets.

            They have slowly weened themselves off of sleeping in my room, but they were still sleeping together. They stayed in the room right next to mine and insisted that they were fine. I still woke up every once in a while with a tiny body draped against mine.

            “I should get going, thanks for dinner Blake.” Gwen starts standing up from her place at the table and walks to her purse sitting on the counter.

            “Hey wait a second. I’m just going to put them to bed and then I’ll be right back.” I’m not ready for her to leave yet.

            “Okay.” I swear I see relief rush over he features at my request.

            “You can come if you want to.” I fold the dish towel on the edge of the sink and start walking out of the kitchen. She nods and follows hesitantly.

            “Everybody in bed?” I ask, stepping into the room and seeing two lumps under the covers.

            “Oh, no where did they go?” I use a worried voice and play along with their game of hide and seek. “They were just here, oh well I guess I’ll just jump on their bed all by myself.” That makes them reveal themselves, laughing and out of breath.

            “No, Uncle Blake! We’re here!” They shout.

            “Alright you two, settle down. Let’s say goodnight to mommy and daddy then let’s go to bed.” I walk over and sit on the edge of the bed, adjusting the covers over both of them. They say their usual ‘I love you’ and ‘I miss you’ after talking about their day some. I still can’t help but get chocked up every night when they ask me to say something too.

            “Blakey can we call Aunt Randa now?” Jace says after they’ve said goodnight to mom and dad. Ryan looks over at me with wide eyes because this is the first she’s hearing of this, she looks excited though. I wasn’t planning on doing this tonight. First of all, Gwen is still here, second of all, I wanted to call her first and explain the situation so she doesn’t disappoint them by not picking up. I look over my shoulder at Gwen in the door way who nods and gestures that she is going to wait somewhere else, clearly uncomfortable with the situation.

            “I guess we can try buddy. I’m not sure if she’ll pick up. She’s not expecting our call okay, so don’t be sad if she doesn’t answer.” They both nod, telling me they understand. I quickly unblock her number and the hope on their faces while the ring comes over the speaker breaks my heart. I couldn’t keep this from them.

            “Blake? Is everything okay?” She answers sounding confused, obviously not expecting me to call after how I left things.

            “Yeah everything is fine. You’re on speaker. Sorry for calling, but the kids wanted to talk to you.” I keep my talking to a minimum and let her know the reason behind the call.

            “Oh okay. Guys?” She asks, acknowledging the kids now?”

            “Hi Aunt Randa!”

            “Hi Ranny!” Both kids greet her happily and I know she’s smiling on the other end of the line.

            “Hey guys. I missed you so much! How are you doing? Is Uncle Blake doing a good job?” The kids start rambling to her about what they’ve been up to. I’m glad she put everything between us aside and did this for them. Sitting back and listening to them talk made me sad I’m not going to lie, for a moment I started thinking about what could have been and I started remembering all the good times Ran and I had and how much I loved her. All it took was one thought of the blonde in the house to bring me back to reality though and erase all the doubts I started having.

            The kids talk themselves to sleep and once I kiss both their foreheads goodnight, I step out of the room closing their door so Gwen and I don’t wake them up. Miranda is still on the phone, so I walk to the top landing of the stairs to talk to her.

            “Hey, they’re asleep. Thanks for talking to them. They asked for you.” My words are tense.

            “No problem it’s fine. I missed them.” She brushes it off.

            “Yeah, well I was thinking they could call or facetime you every once in a while. It’s not fair for them to lose you because we aren’t together anymore. They’ve lost enough.” I sound bitter and I know it.

            “That’s totally fine, I would love that actually. Thanks.” She genuinely appreciates this as much as the kids. I can say a lot of bad things about her as a wife, but she loved them.

            “Alright, well, goodnight.” I go to hang up the phone, but her voice stops me.

            “Wait Blake!”

            “What?”

            “How are you doing?” She asks quietly, like she’s not allowed.

            “Fine.” Again, I’m trying to keep everything short and to the point. She’s not my wife anymore, she doesn’t have a right to know everything.

            “I miss you.” Comes a shy, emotional voice over the phone.

            “Don’t do this Ran. I gave you every opportunity to make this right. Hell, I even forgave you after the first time, but then you went and did it again. I’m only going to let myself be the fool so many times. I’m done.” I spit back at her.

            “This time would be different. I truly am sorry Blake, I love you. Now with the kids, I wouldn’t jeopardize us again. Please Blake, give me one more chance. I need you in my life.” Her pleas are making me angry because she doesn’t get to do this. She doesn’t get to go and make me feel bad after all she’s done. Remorseful or not, she still has to lay in the bed she’s made. I’m about to respond when a sweet voice comes from behind me.

            “Blake?” I hear Miranda gasp on the other end, having heard the voice. I turn around to see Gwen walk out of my room and approach me hesitantly noticing I was still on the phone when I turned to face her. I hold up my finger telling her to wait a second.

            “Look I gotta go someone’s waiting on me. It’s over Ran. Just expect me to call sometimes for the kids.” I say this while my eyes never leave Gwen’s.

            “You already found someone?” She sounds shocked and hurt.

            “Goodnight Miranda.” I take the phone from my ear.

            “Blake? Blake!” I hear as I hit the red button to end the call, Gwen’s possessive and concerned eyes still focused on mine.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay, but life happened. I hope you like this chapter and I hope you leave me some feedback in the comment section! Thanks for reading!

I’m frozen in place as Gwen’s eyes glare at me. She takes her time letting her eyes roam over every inch of my face eventually settling on the phone still clutched in my hand. After what felt like forever, she starts a slow walk towards me focusing on putting one foot in front of the other and swaying her hips with her shoulders back making me gulp. She stops when she is standing about a foot in front of me, I can’t look away it’s like I’m in a trance. She raises her hand from her side and ghosts her fingertips down my arm from my elbow to my hand, taking the phone out of my grasp. I can’t really tell what’s running through her head, all I know is her stare is burning a hole through me and it’s turning me on and making me nervous at the same time.

            “I’m sorry.” I finally gain the courage to speak even if it’s only in a whisper. She finally breaks eye contact and looks down at the phone in her hands. Gently she places it on the table next to us in the hall. The fact that she still hasn’t said anything is unnerving. I’m aware of every sound in the house, the soft thump when the device hits the wood, the hum of the air conditioner, the ruffle of her clothes when she moves.

            “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” Her voice comes out stronger and more sure than mine did just moments before as her eyes settle back on mine once the phone is out of the way.

            “You shouldn’t have had to hear that. I shouldn’t have let her go that far.” Hesitantly I reach out to take her hand, missing her touch. To my satisfaction, she gladly intertwines our fingers. I let out a shaky breath at her action, some of my nerves dissipating.

            “I’m not angry.” She clarifies taking a step forward almost eliminating the space between us, but still the only contact being our hands laced together.

            “Why not?” She just heard me talking to my ex and she heard her tell me she loves me and wants to get back together, why wouldn’t she be irritated?

            “Because I trust you, remember? She can talk all she wants.” Her low tone is seriously testing my will and her right hand that is now resting on my chest isn’t helping.

            Unsure of my ability to speak I nod my head and take the final step towards her letting our bodies touch completely, her chest resting just below mine.

            “You don’t have anything to worry about.” I say, the contact giving me confidence.

            “I know.” She whispers as she leans up and kisses my chin.

            “Do… do you want to stay a little longer?” I have to clear my throat in order to finish the sentence because she’s biting her lip now and I’m trying to control myself.

            “Depends on what we’re going to be doing.” Everything about her presence is seductive right now and I’m starting to doubt my intentions of taking this slow.

            “Well what do you want to do?” I play along trying to buy myself time to decide how I am going to handle this if it starts getting heavy.

            Rather than answer me right away she tugs at my hand and starts walking backwards down the hall again. “What I want to do requires a bedroom.” She quirks her finger at me with her free hand and winks.

            “Really? I thought you might want to finish your picture downstairs.” I joke with her, acting clueless and gesturing to the stairs with a big smile on my face. Even though I want to be careful with my heart, I still want to have fun and with her around it’s impossible not to.

            “That was fun, but I think I’m ready for some adult fun.” She says through giggles, trying hard to stay in character.

            “Oh yeah and who’s providing the entertainment?” I smirk at her continuing my slow walk with her down the hall.

            “I was hoping you would, but if not, I can and you can just sit back and enjoy the show.” She took a moment to come towards me and whisper that in my ear and I swear my heart stopped. I’m totally done with this teasing, we are about 10 steps away from the room and we need to get there. In a rush, I bend down and pick her up, holding her over my shoulder. She yelps in surprise but doesn’t protest as I take the last steps to the bedroom shutting and locking the door behind us.

            I toss her on the bed gently and am on top of her within a second. Honestly her offer was tempting, but I need to be in control. I’m way too turned on to leave her any opportunity to tease me anymore.

            The kisses are more urgent and less curious than they have been. I think her hearing the conversation between me and Miranda did more good than it did damage because instead of hearing what Miranda had to say, she heard my response. I think she was reassured that I had no regrets or doubts after she heard me shut Miranda down. I feel like we took a step forward today.

            Her hands are gripping my shirt at my sides and I’m supporting the top half of my weight with my arms on the mattress. Both of us are moaning through kisses, enjoying this new pace that we’re setting. When her hips start raising off the mattress to meet mine I decide to let instinct take over for a while. I slip one of my hands under her shirt and around her back lifting her up some so we can be closer causing her to break away from my lips and moan needing to catch her breath.

            She releases my sides in favor of unbuttoning my shirt, fumbling because I’ve started kissing her jaw and massaging the skin under her shirt with my fingertips. When she fails to undo the top button for the third time I start to get impatient. I pry myself off her and practically rip my shirt open too eager to get back to kissing her that I leave it hanging on my shoulders. Our tongues are fighting for dominance and her teeth come to play occasionally making me stutter every time. Her palms slip over my shoulders and down my back taking my shirt completely off throwing it to the floor. Craving the feeling of her skin against mine, I wrestle her shirt up her body not wanting to break the kiss but to get it over her head. As soon as it’s off she pushes hard against my back making me fall on top of her with all my weight and hugging me to her not letting me get up. My jeans are starting to get unbearably tight.

            The next thing I feel is her hands in my hair pulling my head back. I break away from her lips letting her breathe but make my way down to her chest, sucking at the exposed skin. She arches her back and her hands disappear from the top of my head. I’m so distracted I don’t even realize what she’s doing until the thin piece of fabric that was next to my mouth is no longer there. My lips stop dead in their tracks and I lift my head to look at her face, unable to resist taking glances at her breasts. I can still see the bold, passionate look in her eye from earlier, but the nervousness has creeped its way back in with this new territory.

            Slowing down again, I lean up and place a small, lingering, closed mouth kiss on her lips. Pulling away I brush a strand of hair behind her ear and place my forehead on hers staring into her eyes. The intimacy of the moment is not lost on either of us as we lay there, content like that for a few minutes with soft smiles on our faces, our bodies still pressed together. Eventually, she pecks my lips again and nods her head slightly, knowing that I was waiting on her to tell me she was sure she wanted to continue.

            Not wanting to look away from her face, I gently move my hand up her side and brush my thumb at the underside of her breasts. I bring my lips back to hers, slipping my tongue between her parted lips again and allowing my hand to move further up to cup her entire breast. I begin to massage the flesh between my fingers and when she moans in agreement I trail kisses back down to her chest taking the opposite side in my mouth. I alternate between gentle bites and soothing licks, the spots my mouth has been are easy to identify on her pale skin. Her nipples harden and she’s squirming beneath me, letting out soft whimpers.

            “Blake please, I need more.” She begs quietly but breathlessly, her nails scratching my scalp. Her hips begin bucking again looking for some kind of friction. I just hum in response and grind my hips into hers, enjoying teasing her.

            Roughly, she pulls my head back up and starts devouring my mouth while her hands creep down my torso to the hem of my jeans. She undoes them and I deepen the kiss, moaning when her hands slip under the back of my jeans gripping my butt. My hips unconsciously begin to move against her. She pulls my jeans down as far as she can without moving, leaving me to kick them off the rest of the way. Settling back on top of her in only my boxers, my bare legs sensitive to the material still on hers.

            Her pants come off next and we are left in only our underwear making out on top of the comforter. I allow myself to get lost in the moment until I feel her hands gently start to tug at my boxers.

            “Leave those.” I whisper pulling away to look at her. Her eyes are glazed over and I’m sure mine are too, as my mind is a little foggy. She complies and smooths her hands over my stomach again almost surprised at herself for even thinking about taking them off. Our bodies are sliding against each other and I can feel her center every time through our underwear. I’m getting closer to the ledge with every thrust and I can tell she is too by the way her eyes are closed and the red tint on her face.

            “Faster Blake.” She closes her eyes and throws her head back. I’m too close to tease her anymore so I speed up without hesitation needing a release as well. Her hands claw at my back and I lean down to bite at her chest again to intensify the pleasure.

            “Are you close baby?” I mumble against her chest using all my power to make this last.

            “Yes, keep going.” She’s breathless and absolutely beautiful. Seconds later she stiffened underneath me and I cover her mouth with mine to muffle our moans. I groan through the kiss finding my own release as well.

            We lay there in silence together catching our breaths and processing what we just did. So much for taking it slow. Suddenly I feel her stiffen again underneath me, making me lift my head from her shoulder in search of her eyes, concerned. The moment I see the fear in her eyes I am sitting up nervously, understanding what she’s feeling. She covers herself with the blanket feeling vulnerable.

            “What’s wrong?” I ask anyway. It’s amazing how I can go from feeling so amazing to so insecure so fast. She looks away without answering and I see her bring her hand up to swipe under her eye, coming away with a sheen. I’m laying by her side immediately facing her and hugging her to my chest.

            “Are you okay? Did I do something? Oh my God, Gwen did you not want to?” I start to freak out some and her eyes widen at the last question.

            “I absolutely wanted to. Don’t think that way, you did nothing wrong.” Her hands caress my face reassuringly. I let out a sigh of relief.

            “Then what’s wrong Sunflower?” I get close enough to where the tips of our noses are touching.

            “That was just really intense and I wasn’t really expecting that tonight. Like, I know I started it but I didn’t think we would go that far.” She says shyly. Dammit I knew all this was happening too fast. I thought I was just taking it slow to protect my heart but now I realize I wanted to take it slow to protect Gwen too. As much as she may act sexy and confident, deep down I knew she wasn’t ready for this because she was still broken like me.

            “I know and I’m sorry. I wasn’t planning on this either. I know I said we were going to take it slow and I just got carried away. I’m sorry.” I look down, unable to look her in the eye anymore.

            “Hey, we both got carried away.” She lifts my head back up with a hand under my chin, whispering. “I’m not saying I regret it, I’m just saying that it was unexpected.” Her words bring a soft smile back to my face now that I know that she’s not truly upset, but I can’t shake my worry.

            “I don’t regret it either.” I peck her lips to let her know I mean it bringing a smile to her face. “I still think we are moving kind of fast though.”

            “Maybe.” She sighs, closing her eyes momentarily and I rub my thumb over her eyelids. I can tell she has something on her mind.

            “Do you wanna talk about it?” I ask hesitantly making her open her eyes to look at me again. She frowns slightly taking a moment to consider her words.

            “I trust you Blake and I really like you. What we did tonight felt… amazing, but after, I got scared.” I’m glad we’re talking about this and she’s not shutting me out because she’s scared.

            “Why did you get scared Gwen?”

            “I honestly don’t know.” She shakes her head a little and shrugs her shoulder. “I think it’s because I was with Gavin so long that part of my brain still feels like I’m still his is a way. I mean I’m totally not and I want to be with you 100%, but my brain still hesitates sometimes like it’s a reflex. Do you know what I mean? Like, it’s hard to comprehend that I’m allowed to do this with someone else now and it feels like it happened so fast. I’m just scared of getting broken like that again.” She looks nervous again like she’s expecting me to be mad at her for having feelings or something.

            “I understand what you mean. You’ve dedicated years to being loyal to one person and then when it suddenly ends and it wasn’t your fault, there’s still feelings left over even if you don’t want there to be. You still feel this obligation to hold up your promise even though they didn’t hold up theirs. This is fast, I literally feel like I was ripped out of my life and placed in a whole new body that I had to learn how to control. Everything just kind of happened.”

            “Yes, exactly.” She nods along to my words feeling the exact same way.

            “Do you wanna know what I think we should do about it?”

            “Yes.” She whispers rubbing her nails over my scruff. I pull her body closer to mine with a hand on her hip.

            “I think we need to slow down a little. I think we need to go out on a few dates, I think we need to talk, I think we need to slow dance to our favorite songs, I think we need to share some embarrassing stories, and I think we need to be 100% in this before we do this again.” She had been smiling along to my plan up until she heard the last part, where her eyebrows raised in confusion.

            “100% in? Blake I’m already 100% in.”

            “What I meant by that is, I think we need to be comfortable enough and confident enough in our relationship that we tell people about us. Baby if we feel like we have to keep this hidden from our friends and family, not the press, like we’re doing something wrong, then we aren’t comfortable or confident enough in this. We don’t have to tell them right away, but once we are completely convinced this ain’t goin’ nowhere then I think we need to come clean. We don’t need to be sneakin’ around.” She nods in understanding at my clarification.

            “Okay. I completely agree with you Cowboy.” She leans into kiss me, sealing the deal.

            I start to get up after she breaks away, but she stops me with a hand on my wrist. “Where are you going?” I lean down and kiss the pout away.

            “I’m just going to the bathroom for a second baby. I’ll be right back.” She releases her hold on me and I get on my feet. I walk over to the dresser and grab her a t-shirt that she can sleep in and a clean pair of boxers for me. “Here, put this on.” I say as I toss the shirt over to her.

            I clean myself up in the bathroom and put the fresh pair of boxers on. I make my way back into the room and I find Gwen curled up under the covers, completely engulfed in my shirt and waiting for me with a sweet smile. I turn off the lamp, crawl in next to her and wrap my arms around her.

            “Goodnight Sunflower.” I kiss the top of her head and close my eyes.

            “Goodnight Cowboy.” She whispers back.

            We fall asleep feeling better about where we stand with each other now that we have a plan. We’ll have to come up with an excuse for the kids in the morning for why she’s still here, but we’ll deal with that then.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all probably no longer remember nor care about this story, but I felt like writing so here ya go. Haven't written in a while so be gentle.

Blue, black, grey. Those were the colors of the shirts laid out before me on the bed and I was standing there in my jeans trying to figure out which one to wear. I reach for the blue one initially, but just as I was getting it on my shoulders I strip it off and reach for the black. Buttoning it up in front of the mirror, I let out a heavy breath. I was going over to Gwen’s to pick her up and drop Ryan and Jace off. Her nanny was going to watch them along with her boys while we have dinner at my place. Today is my last day in LA for about a week before I go back to Oklahoma with the kids to sort out some stuff with their house and maybe decorate their rooms at the ranch, so tonight was the last night I was going to get to see Gwen for a little while and it made me nervous. Ever since our talk at the beginning of the week, I feel like we have gotten closer. I’m afraid to leave for a week because I feel like we’ve gotten into a groove here and leaving will throw us off track. I don’t have a choice though and if I’m being completely honest, I need to go back home for a little while to get some closure. I feel like all I’ve been doing here is running away from it.  


“Uncle Blake?” A shy voice snaps me out of my thoughts. Turning around while I finish buttoning my shirt, I find Jace in the doorway clutching an action figure in his left hand.  


“What’s up buddy?” I walk over and crouch in front of him so we can be on the same level. Things with the kids have been kind of sensitive all week. They know we are leaving tomorrow to go back to their house and I think it has been making them anxious and sad all at the same time.  


“Are we sleeping over at Gwen’s house or are you going to come back and get us?” He fidgets as he asks the question obviously uncomfortable, and there’s a small tremble in his lip that he does his best to hide. Him and Ryan have been practically glued to my side since we got to LA, so it makes sense that he’s nervous about the idea. Not only that, but last time his guardians left him alone, they didn’t come back.  


“Are you kidding me, who would be my sleeping buddy if you slept over at Gwen’s house, huh?” I decide to not acknowledge how uncomfortable he is and just give him a big grin and something to look forward to.  


“Well Gwen slept in your bed that one time.” He shoots back surprising me. I have to do everything in my power to keep eye contact.  


“Yeah, but I told you, that was because Gwen was feeling sick and she needed me to take care of her like I did for you when you were sick. Remember?”  


“She’s not sick anymore?”  


“No, she’s not.” I reassure him, and I can almost see the tension leave his body after he lets out a sigh. “Give me a hug buddy.” I say opening my arms and he walks right in, leaning his head on my chest and closing his eyes.  


“I’m always going to come back for you buddy, don’t worry.” I squeeze his little body as I speak, so I’m sure he hears me. He doesn’t respond, but I feel his head go up and down on my chest letting me know he got it.  


“Let’s go get your sister and head out, I don’t want to be late.” I pull back and give him a smile, tapping his bottom to get him going. He turns around and runs off down the hall towards Ryan’s room. I get up and take one last look over my shoulder into the mirror before turning off the light and heading off in the same direction as Jace just did.  
......  


I had made sure everything was ready before we left the house. The lasagna was finishing up in the oven, the music was playing, and the wine was on the table. Before I could get too in my head worrying about if I forgot something we pulled up to Gwen's house. The kids got out and started walking towards the door while I got their bags out of the backseat, and I was startled when I felt a gentle hand on my lower back. Instantly turning around, I come face to face with Gwen who looks as beautiful as ever, she had kept the makeup minimal today and I was in complete awe of her. It's not until I hear her giggle that I realize I had been staring at her for a minute without even saying anything making me chuckle shyly.  


"Hey Sunflower." I finally break the silence, adjusting the bag over my shoulder. "You ready to go?"  


"Of course, Cowboy!" A bright smile lights up her face and she takes my hand that was hanging by my side. "Let's just go give those bags to the nanny and say goodbye." She says and starts walking back to the house pulling me along.  


After a quick goodbye and a promise to be back to get them, Gwen and I found ourselves back at my place with me leaning against the counter in the kitchen and her leaning against my chest looking up at me, enjoying each other’s presence while sipping a glass of wine and waiting for the lasagna to cool off.  


"Are you okay?" She asks quietly to keep the calm atmosphere and runs her free hand through my hair making me smile softly down at her and bring my free hand up to her cheek.  


"Why wouldn't I be?" I know why she's asking, but I didn't really want to get into it. I just wanted to enjoy my night with her before I had to leave.  


She stepped away from me and placed her glass next to me on the counter before turning around to grab the plates for dinner. "It's just that, you're going back home with the kids and I'm sure it's going to be hard going back to their house. Then on top of that you've been having to talk to Miranda for the sake of the kids. I'm worried that no one is thinking about you and how you're dealing with things baby." I look away from her back while she sets the table and down at my boots taken aback by her confession. I take a minute to find the right words before responding.  


"You're thinking about me. I have you, and believe it or not those kids are more perceptive than you think." She sighs and looks over her shoulder at me.  


"Yeah, but you can't break on them and I'm not going to Oklahoma with you, so who are you going to vent to or cry on? Don't say your mom because I know she doesn't live close to your sister." I hold eye contact with her, but I don't know how to answer her.  


"I'll be okay.” I have a slight frown on my face and I don't sound very convincing, but it's the best I got.  


"Didn't... never mind" She breaks eye contact and starts walking over to the stove, but I step in front of her and put my hands on her hips, forcing her eyes to meet mine again.  


"Didn't, what baby?" I could hear the insecurity in her voice when she started to ask me something but then changed her mind.  
She took a deep breath, "Didn't you say that Miranda was going to make a trip up there to see the kids in person this week?" She closes her eyes and speaks in a whisper as if she's ashamed of what she's saying. I tighten my grip on her hips and wait for her to open her eyes again to speak.  


“All Miranda is doing is coming to see the kids baby. We have talked about this. I promise you, I would never, ever get back with Miranda okay? You are my everything, so please don’t think like that.” Her eyes flutter shut and she lets out a quiet little breath through her nose, seeming to relax some.  


Leaning down to quickly peck her lips, I brush past her and start to plate the lasagna, so we can eat. I’m not mad that she brought Miranda up, I understand she has her insecurities because I do too that’s why I’m a bit confused and surprised when I hear a whispered apology behind me.  


I turn around to see her with the wine glass clutched to her chest and her eyes cast down to the floor. Before I can say anything she continues.  


“That was literally the most selfish and stupid thing I could have asked you right now, like you are going back with your niece and nephew to get their things from your sister’s house that you just lost and I’m sitting her doubting you. I’m sorry.”  


“Hey, hey, hey no.” I walk back over to her and place my hands on her shoulders willing her to make eye contact with me, thankfully she does. “Sunflower, like I said before, just because I’m going through this right now and facing my own issues does not mean that yours are insignificant. Honey I understand that you’re hurt right now too and me having to maintain a relationship with my ex probably isn’t your favorite thing in the world, mine either. I understand. Just trust me when I say that you are keeping me a float right now, so please don’t think for one second that I’m willing to risk this.”  


My hands had migrated to her cheeks to wipe the few tears that managed to spill out of her eyes. The corners of her mouth twitch up in a smile as her tiny hand reaches up to meet mine on her face.  


“Thank you, Cowboy.” Her voice is still quiet, but it seems to be more due to contentment now than before. This time she leans up on her tippy toes to brush her lips across mine before breaking the silence again. “So, how about that lasagna?” I huff out a laugh against her hair before turning around and grabbing the plates I had just prepared leading her over to the table.  


The music was still playing softly in the background and the candles I had lit before I left were still illuminating the table with a dull romantic light. Instead of sitting across from her, I sit in the seat adjacent to hers in order to minimize the distance between us. Here before too long it will be hundreds of miles, so I’m staying as close as possible now.  


A few bites into dinner, Gwen sets her fork down in favor of watching me eat. When she still hasn’t made a move to resume eating after about a minute I settle my gaze on her as well. She is leaning her head in her palm and staring at me with a soft adoring look in her eyes that takes my breath away. Silently I reach over and gently take her other hand bringing it to my lips to kiss never breaking eye contact.  


“I’m going to miss you so much.” She keeps her tone soft to maintain the mood, but the sincerity in her voice is not lost.  


Stroking my thumb over her knuckles I respond. “I’m going to miss you too baby. Not having you to run to is going to be hard believe me, but we’ll be back soon.”  


“I know you will and you still have me to run to cowboy. All you have to do is pick up the phone. I won’t miss a call, I promise.” She squeezs my hand for emphasis earning a smile from me.  


Before I know it, she is sliding her chair back and standing up to walk closer to me keeping my hand in hers. When she is right next to me I slide my chair back as well to make room for her and the next thing I know she is straddling my lap. At first, we just sit there with our foreheads together and our eyes closed, savoring the quite time together. I soon find myself craving her, so I lean in and place a soft loving kiss on her lips. It comes as a surprise to her because she had still had her eyes closed, but she doesn’t hesitate to return the kiss. The kiss turns into a slow make out in the chair. Other than a little exploring, our hands remain relatively quiet. Neither of us have any thought out intentions, we are simply letting the night lead us.  


I don’t know how long we stay like that kissing, probably a good amount of time. We have been alternating between taking bites of our dinner, sharing a fork, and sharing kisses. More kisses though. Just as things start to feel like they may take a turn to becoming more heated and needy, the sound of the phone vibrating against the heavy wooden table forces us to break apart. While we catch our breath, my arms around Gwen’s waist support her as she leans back to grab her phone off the table looking to see who it is.  


“It’s the nanny.” She says looking back to me while swiping her finger over the screen to answer the incoming call. I nod hoping everything is alright with the kids.  


“Ryan honey are you okay?” I suddenly tense up when I realize it’s one of my babies on the other end. “It’s okay he’s right here. I am giving him the phone.” Snapping out of my worries I take the phone out of her hand and bring it to my ear.  


“Hey sweetheart are you okay?” All I get in response is sniffles and sobs as she breaks down when she hears my voice. I feel so hopeless being this far away from her, so I just do what I can by saying soothing words over the phone to help her calm down. Gwen’s hands are softly running through my hair trying to do the same for me as she can see the worry etched on my face. Eventually Ryan calms down enough to get a few words out.  


“Can you come please.” Her voice is pleading and desperate and makes me feel so guilty for leaving them. Immediately I tap Gwen on the hip signaling her to stand up. She starts clearing the table and blowing out the candles suspecting where this is going. Beyond thankful for her understanding, I go to grab our jackets and the car keys eager to get back to her place. Ryan has been my strong one so far. Sure, we have had a few breakdowns and tears, but compared to Jace she was a rock. I knew it wasn't healthy. She's too young to be so strong and now here we are with her sobbing for me to come to her over the phone.  


“I’m on my way sweetheart okay? I will be there as soon as possible, but I need you to do something for me before I get there, okay?” I get a weak “what?” in response.  


“I need you to try and breathe baby. I don’t want you getting sick okay. Deep breaths in and out. It will help I promise.” Again, all I get is a weak one word response agreeing to follow my instructions.  


“I’m going to hang up now Ryan. I’m about to get in the car. I will be there soon. I love you!”  


“I love you too Uncle Blake.” I hang up the phone and take a few deep breaths just as I instructed her to do because my heart rate is through the roof. This is the first time I have been away from them that they have needed me and I was not prepared for the immense guilt I feel for leaving them.  


As I reach for the door handle to exit the house I feel a soft hand on my wrist and I turn around to see Gwen seemingly just as worried as I was.  


“I don’t know what’s wrong I just know she is crying and asked me to come for her. I’m sorry. I wanted to have a nice quiet even with you too, but…” I’m cut off before I can finish. I know she’s not mad, but I still felt the need to explain myself to her for whatever reason.  


“Don’t even worry Cowboy.Those kids come first and right now that baby girl needs you.” She smiles at me and reaches to take the keys from my hand. “You are not driving all worked up like this. I will go start the car. How about you run upstairs and grab all of your bags and meet me in the car. You guys can have a sleepover tonight and leave for the airport from my place tomorrow.”  


“Are you sure.” I’m caught off guard by her suggestion. We have spent the night in the same house with Ryan and Jace but never with her boys as well. I mean I know they know we’re together, but still.  


“Absolutely, now go.” With no time to protest she is out the door headed to the car and I am sprinting up the stairs to collect our bags for the trip to Oklahoma tomorrow. I am in the car within two minutes and we are on our way to her place. We ride in silence for a majority of the ride, an anxious feeling filling the air. The closer we get the more calm I become. I am holding onto the handle above the window while I lean my head back on the seat. Wanting to ease the tension of the ride I turn my head to look at her while she is driving and decide to break the silence.  


“You know, I told Jace before I left that he was going to be my cuddle buddy tonight so y’all are going to have to work that out.” My words seem to work and she lets out a giggle and shoots me a look before settling her eyes back on the road.  


“Oh yeah, and how do you suggest we do that?” Relieved that she plays back with me I keep it going.  


“I don’t know, rock, paper, scissors or something. I wouldn’t suggest thumb war, he’s really good at that one.” I get another giggle from her and it’s helping to distract me until we get there.  


“I’ll take that into consideration when bed time rolls around. Thanks cowboy.” She gives me a small wink and I reach over to rest my hand on her thigh as she drives us the rest of the way. We are there within another five minutes and before I can even get out of the car, the front door of her house is opening and Ryan is walking toward the car still with tears in her eyes.  


I meet her halfway and lift her up hugging her tight to my chest as she buries her face in my neck wanting to hide away from everything and everyone else. I let out a sigh of relief having her in my arms again and kiss the top of her head, rubbing her back in soothing circles as I walk back toward the house to go inside, Gwen following closely behind.  


When the door closes behind us we are greeted by the nanny who tells us the other kids are in the living room watching a movie. I motion towards the back door to let Gwen know I’m going to take Ryan outside to talk on the porch. She nods and stays behind to get filled in about what happened by the nanny.  


I sit down on the swing on the back porch with Ryan in my lap. She still hasn’t moved from her head in the crook of my neck and her arms wrapped around me. I don’t think she is crying anymore, but she is definitely still upset.  


“Baby girl you want to tell me what’s got you so upset?” I don’t want to push her, but I want her to talk so that I can help her. She just shakes her head, still not moving from where she is, so I decide to just cuddle her and make sure she knows she is safe. We are out there alone for about 20 minutes before a hesitant knock makes me turn my head towards the door. Gwen is standing there with a juice box in her hand and motions toward Ryan with her head, silently asking me what’s wrong. I just shake my head in response and place another kiss in Ryan’s hair. She hadn’t bothered to look and see who was coming outside.  


Seeming to think twice about her actions, Gwen finally decides to make her way out to the porch as well and gently sit down next to me on the swing.  


“Ryan?” My baby girl tenses momentarily at her voice but soon relaxes again against my chest. I continue rubbing her back hopefully encouraging her to lift up her head and talk to us. It takes her a minute, but as soon as Gwen reaches out and places her loving hand on Ryan’s shoulder she finally lifts up and I get to see her eyes for the first time since I got here.  


Her eyes are red and full of sadness. Her cheeks are flushed and stained with tears. I reach up and stroke the hair out of her face and lean in to place a kiss on her cheek giving her a small smile. 

“There’s my baby girl.” I say to her and the corner of her mouth twitches up slightly, but it’s a far cry from a smile and it’s clear she is still upset.  


“What happened princess?” I try asking again thinking I might get an answer this time. No such luck, she just lowers her head and fidgets with her hands in front of her just like her brother does.  


“How about you and I talk and Uncle Blake goes inside with the boys huh? Would that help honey?” I hear Gwen speak up from beside me and I snap my head over to her in shock at the suggestion because I’m not ready to let her go yet, but when I look back to Ryan and see her eyeing me from under her lashes I suddenly realize she might need this.  


“Is that what you want princess, to talk to Gwen?” I ask, swallowing the lump in my throat. She slowly nods her head once, trying to avoid looking me in the eye probably thinking she hurt my feelings. Although it does hurt, I’m not mad at her and I want her to know that. I know sometimes girls just need to talk to girls no matter the age.  


“That’s okay sweetie. I will be right inside if you need me okay?” I lean in and place one more kiss on her cheek before I had her over to Gwen and do that same to her. Taking one last look over my shoulder before I head inside I see a sight that stops my heart and fills me with hope all the same. Gwen is kissing the crown of Ryan’s head and whispering in her ear and just as I turn around I see a small smile grown on Ryan’s lips. I will get caught up later, right now she is in good hands.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A promise is a promise so here it is and it's long too. It took me a little bit to find the motivation to write this story just because I've been so excited and invested in the other one, but as this one got longer I couldn't stop writing. I hop you guys still are interested and want to read it. Please let me know what you think.

“Jace, come here buddy.” I whisper from the entrance to the living room trying not to draw the attention of Gwen’s boys too much. His little head snaps over in my direction when he hears me call for him and I can see a slight level of concern in his eyes for his sister even though he was trying to hide it and be strong. Immediately he’s on his feet making his way over to me. I take his hand when he gets to me and lead him off into the kitchen where we can talk in private and he can let his walls down. When I get him set up sitting on the counter in front of me he seems to find his voice. 

“Is Ryan going to be okay Blakey?” Him using that nickname for me reminds me of just how young he is. These past couple of months little man has been so strong I forget he’s only four sometimes. 

“She’ll be okay buddy.” I reach out and place my hands on his knees hoping I can somehow feed off of his strength and maybe give him some reassurance before I ask any questions. 

“Did something happen while I was gone? When did she get upset?” I ask in a gentle voice wanting some clarity. 

Jace just shrugged his shoulders but I could tell by his pouted lip that he knew more than he was saying and that he was possibly hurt by whatever happened too. He catches me off guard when he opens his arms to me silently asking for a hug. I step closer to him on the counter and wrap him in my arms. He buries his head in my chest and I start to hear little sniffles which means he’s crying now too. It breaks my heart to see both of them so upset, yet so reluctant to talk to me. I thought we were doing good these past couple of weeks. They seemed be okay with me, at least that’s the impression I was getting. 

I lean my head down, keeping him wrapped in my arms and whisper in his ear, holding my own tears back. “Buddy I can’t help if you don’t tell me what happened. Maybe I can fix it and make it better.” 

He cry’s it out a little longer on my chest and I just wait. That’s all I can do, Gwen is still outside with Ryan and apparently the nanny didn’t have a clue about what set the kids off either. 

“We were pla… playing.” Suddenly I hear him hiccup the few words and see him bring his fist up to wipe his eyes and be strong again. I lower his fists and gently wipe the tears away with my thumbs. 

“You were playing and what buddy? What were you playing?” I make sure to keep my voice down and my tone soft so he doesn’t shut down on me. I’m finally close to getting an answer and I don’t think I could keep my composure anymore if he changed his mind on telling me. 

“She kept telling them to stop, but they wouldn’t.” He completely ignored my question and just left me even more confused, so I tried again. 

“What wouldn’t they stop doing bub? Please let me help.” I’m pleading with him at this point. I seriously doubt Gwen’s boys would hurt Ryan, but I have to ask. “Did they hurt your sister bub?” He just shook his head and I let out a sigh of relief. 

“We were playing cars and they kept making the cars crash.” He stopped there, but he didn’t have to say anything else. I could put it together at this point. Gwen’s boys knew that Ryan and Jace lost their parents, but we hadn’t told them how, so of course they weren’t aware of why Ryan was so sensitive. 

Jace at this point is looking down at his hands like he did something wrong and I put an end to that real quick. 

“Hey bubs it’s okay you didn’t do anything wrong, okay?” I wait until he nods to continue. “What did Ryan do when they wouldn’t stop?” 

“She threw her car and started crying. That’s when she asked to call you. She said she misses mommy.” I pull him into another hug now that I have the story not wanting to push him anymore. He seems content to just relax with me for a while and over the idea of playing and socializing. He has always been more reserved than the other kids. It makes sense now why she wanted to talk to Gwen. She was missing mommy and Gwen is the only female figure she has been seeing on a regular basis here lately. 

As I stand there holding him I have time to gather my thoughts. It makes sense now why she wanted to talk to Gwen. She was missing mommy and Gwen is the only female figure she has been seeing on a regular basis here lately. Sure, it hurts that she wanted me to leave, but I understand. I remember Mike told me one time how he had the same problem. He was telling me about how Ryan wouldn’t let him help her and only wanted Endy. He was so offended and I thought it was hilarious at the time and kept giving him crap about it, but now I get how he was feeling. I want to be a part of everything that has to do with her and Jace. I feel like I am the only one who can protect them. It does bring me comfort to know that she did this to her daddy too though and it’s not personal, just a girl thing. Still, I am ready to see her again. 

As if Gwen could read my thoughts, I hear the screen door open and close and two sets of footsteps nearing the kitchen. When they finally round the corner I see an angry looking Gwen and a better looking Ryan. 

“Go to Uncle Blakey baby, I’ll be right back.” She softens her features to acknowledge Ryan, but when she releases her hand she turns to exit the kitchen looking like she’s on a mission. 

“Kingston, Zuma come here now!” I hear Gwen yell as soon as she is out of our sight and I immediately know why she is angry, but I can’t let her yell at those boys. They didn’t know better, they were just playing and being boys. I used to like to make my cars crash and explode when I was a kid too. I jump into action placing Jace on my hip and taking Ryan’s hand rushing out of the kitchen to catch up with Gwen. 

“Gwen!” I reach her just before she gets to the couch in the living room. The boys are already looking over their shoulder with a worried look on their face not knowing what to expect because they don’t remember doing anything wrong. 

She pauses and looks back at me, not happy with the fact that I interrupted her. Maintaining eye contact I set Jace down and tell him and Ryan to go back to watching the movie for a minute. I then walk up to Gwen and take her hand, walking backwards to lead us back to the kitchen. 

“What are you doing Blake?! I need to talk to them.” Her voice is harsh as she aggressively points back towards where the kids are in the other room. 

“No, you don’t.” I reach out bring her hand down, keeping a hold on it as I lower my voice to try and calm her down. 

“But Blake you don’t know what they did!” She tries to tug her hands back, but I don’t let her, instead stepping closer towards her. 

“Yes, I do. Jace told me. Baby, they didn’t know. I’m not going to let you go in there and yell at them because they were playing with cars like every other little boy. I’m sure if they had known why Ryan was so upset, they would have stopped. This is going to be a long, hard journey for Ryan and Jace okay. They are still grieving, and the smallest thing is going to set them off. It was like that for me when my brother died, but if you keep sheltering them from what happened they’re never going to heal. They need to get to the point where they can play normally again and see those kinds of things without it always being an immediate association to their parents. Now take a deep breath. Please, for me.” When I’m finished talking, her eyes are locked on mine and her breaths have started to sync with mine. I take a deep breath and she mirrors me. Her grip on my hands has relaxed and her hands are just resting in mine now. Confident she’s calm again, I pull her into my chest for a hug. 

“They still should have stopped when she asked.” She mumbles into my chest making me chuckle. 

“Baby, they’re kids, They don’t always listen to each other, plus they didn’t think they were doing anything wrong.” 

“So, what do you suggest I do then?” 

“If it’s okay with you, I think we should tell them how it happened. Just so they’re aware. I don’t want them to be walking around eggshells around them, but it couldn’t hurt for them to know.” I place my hands on her hips and pull back to look at her waiting for a response. 

“I think that’s a good idea.” She agrees with a sigh. “I won’t punish them but they’re still going to apologize for not stopping when she asked.” She narrows her eyes at me and makes her voice stern, making it clear that I have no say in it making me chuckle. 

“Okay. Whatever you say baby. Let’s go talk to them.” She takes my hand and calmly walks back towards where the kids are. Completely different from a few minutes ago. 

Once we are behind the couch I squeeze her hand before letting go and walking around towards Ryan. We are going to talk to the boys in a second, but not before I give my baby girl a hug. 

I crouch down in front of her where she’s sitting on the couch and open my arms. She doesn’t hesitate to spring forward and wrap he arms around my neck and nuzzling close. I kiss her cheek before whispering in her ear. 

“I’m sorry baby. I love you so much. I know you miss mommy and daddy, but I’m here. I’m here forever and I’m not leaving, okay?” My eyes start to sting with tears as the words leave my mouth. I mean those words with every fiber of my being. I will never leave these kids. She nods against my shoulder. 

“I love you too, Blakey.” I gasp hearing her use the nickname. Ever since the accident, Jace has been the only one to use it. It feels good to hear it from her again though. I give her one more squeeze before I get up and look at Gwen letting her know I’m ready. 

“Kingston, Zuma can you guys come with me and Blake for a minute? We want to talk to you about something.” This time her voice isn’t angry. The words merely come out as a request. The boys shoot their heads over to me with a questioning look in their eyes. 

“It’s okay boys. You’re not in trouble, we just want to talk to you about something.” I nod at them with a smile to give them reassurance. 

Feeling more comfortable, they push themselves up from their positions on the floor and follow Gwen up the stairs with me close behind. She decides to talk in King’s bedroom. The two boys immediately jump on the bed sitting crisscross while Gwen and I perch ourselves on the edge of the bed. She sits so close in front of me that her chest is almost resting against mine. I place my hand on her shoulder and give her a kiss on the head for support. 

“Boys, we just wanted to talk to you about what made Ryan so upset tonight. Do you remember how I told you that they were living with Blake because they lost their mommy and daddy?” The boys nod their heads with a slight pout, remembering how sad they felt for their new friends. 

“Well, today when you guys were playing it kind or reminded her about it. That’s why she started crying.” Zuma stays quiet and keeps his eyes on his mom, but Kingston is more curious. 

“How did we remind her of it?” I look up to find Kingston’s eyes staring right back at mine, wanting me to answer the question. I feel Gwen’s hand reach up to hold mine that’s still resting on her shoulder. I clear my throat to prepare myself to answer, not having expected to have to talk. 

“Well, um, Kingston, their mommy and daddy were actually on their way to pick them up from their grandma’s house when they got in an accident. Today when you guys were playing with the cars, it made her think of them.” Both boys gasp and have wide eyes. 

“Is that why she was asking us to stop when we were making them crash?” This time Zuma speaks up with guilt ridden words. 

“Yeah buddy, that’s why.” Both boys lower their head when they realize that they played a part in making their friend cry. Before I can step in to comfort them, Gwen starts talking again. 

“Which is exactly why both of you are going to apologize to Ryan AND Jace. I know you didn’t know why she was upset, but you still didn’t stop when she asked.” 

“Okay, mom.” They both reply in unison, looking like they’re ready to do anything to make it right. 

“Good. Now, Blake, Ryan, and Jace are going to spend the night tonight before they have to leave tomorrow morning, so how does a pillow fort sleepover sound?” She smiles now, letting them know the serious part is over and that they’re not in trouble. 

“Yes! I love building pillow forts!” Zuma squeals clapping his hands. 

“Okay then. Go apologize, so you can start building.” Both boys jump off the bed about to sprint down the stairs. They make it to the door before she stops them, mostly just to annoy them I think. 

“Uhh, uhh. Hug first!” They trip over themselves to stop the forward momentum they created and groan. They rush back over and give her a quick hug. I’m caught by surprise when they don’t rush off immediately when she releases them but actually stop to give me one as well. Zuma makes it quick, but Kingston lingers for a second and actually whispers an apology to me too before rushing off to catch up to his brother. 

“Thank you for talking me down. This was the right thing to do.” My gaze shifts from the door where the boys had just rushed out to her again. There’s a small smile of appreciation on her face. 

“They’re good boys, baby. I know they would never intentionally hurt them.” 

“I know you doubt yourself sometimes, but you’re doing a great job. I know they’re not yours and you don’t want to be ‘daddy’, but you are a great dad.” 

“I love you.” I didn’t even have time to think about saying it. Not that I don’t mean it, I do, but I also know that it is still very soon. She doesn’t let me circle the drain too long though because soon her lips are on mine. It’s not a hungry kiss, it’s a kiss that returns the sentiment without words. Before we even pull away I know what she’s going to say. 

“I love you too.” I smile down at her and let out a little laugh before leaning down to kiss her again, this one being more playful. She doesn’t let it get too out of hand before she is pulling away and standing up to walk towards the door leaving me on the bed in shock from how quickly she got up. 

She stops in the door frame and taps her finger nails against the wood. Her eyes look me up and down while she bites her lip teasing me even more. 

“Did you see how I fixed our little problem by the way?” I tilt my head and quirk my eyebrow in question not understanding what she means. 

“Now that the kids are having a pillow fort sleepover, it doesn’t look like I’m going to have to fight Jace for my spot next to you in bed tonight.” She winks at me and turns to walk away not giving me time to respond. I laugh remembering our little conversation in the car. I fall back on the bed with a huge grin on my face. I thought the night was shot, but now I can’t think of a better way for it to end. I said ‘I love you’ to Gwen and she said it back. The kids are getting along and are okay with Gwen and I being together. 

Not wanting to be away from them any longer I get up and go downstairs to finish the movie with the kids before they have to start building their fort for bed. What I see when I get down there makes my heart swell. The boys are on the floor and Ryan is curled up in Gwen’s lap on the couch. I decide to sit down the next to them. I feel like Ryan knows that asking to talk to Gwen earlier hurt me a little bit because as soon as I get situated on the couch she crawls out of Gwen’s lap and onto mine. I didn’t think my smile could get bigger but that did it. I look to my right to Gwen and she winks at me with a grin matching my own. 

I assume King and Zuma told the other two about the sleepover because when the movie ends they immediately get to work on the fort, all except for Apollo who is completely passed out face down in a cushion on the floor. He had been completely quiet and oblivious to everything that was going on tonight that I almost forgot he was there. He such a good, sweet kid. Gwen decides it’s best if she just takes him to his bed. A sleepy two-year-old wouldn’t be much help with a fort anyway, so she scoops him up and walks up the stairs. 

I watch over the kids as they work. The boys get busy with the construction while Ryan focuses her attention on the decorations. She’s positioning pillows and telling the boys which blankets to use. It’s cute watching them interact, the problem from earlier already forgiven. Gwen comes back downstairs right when the are placing their finishing touches on everything. 

“Alright guys, Blake and I are going to go to bed now. If you need anything make sure you come get us okay. Be good and try to get some sleep.” She walks over and gives each one of them a hug and a kiss including Ryan and Jace. I follow behind her and do the same with each one of them. I take a little bit of extra time with Jace making sure he knows I’m available no matter what time if he needs me. He gets extra emotional and scared at night and I think most of that just comes with being four more than anything else. Once I’m sure he’s comfortable, I follow Gwen upstairs to go to bed. We hear little giggles as we go up. They’ll probably stay up later than normal but that’s okay. They need something normal and happy to take their minds off everything. 

As soon as we get up to her room she closes the door and goes to her closet to start to change for bed. I stand by the door not really knowing what to do. All my night time clothes are in my bag in the car. I didn’t take them out when I got here because I was so eager to get to Ryan and I don’t have anything here obviously. I’m left standing in my jeans and button up from dinner. 

She interrupts my thoughts when she walks out of her closet in a short pair of cotton shorts and to my surprise, the t-shirt that she had slept in the first night she slept over at my place. The one that she took off of me herself. I can’t help but start laughing not only because she kept it but because of how big it is on her. If she didn’t have it tied at the waist it would be a dress. She smiles at me while she combs her fingers through her hair after taking it out of the hair tie because she knows what I’m laughing at. She tries to play it coy though. 

“What are you laughing at Cowboy?” At this point she’s is by her side of the bed pulling back the sheets about to climb in. 

“Nothing, nothing. I just really like that shirt is all.” 

“Oh yeah? I do too. I think it smells really good. Reminds me of somebody.” She winks at me with a smirk playing on her lips. 

“Who might that be? I don’t know that I’m comfortable with you thinking of somebody else while I’m in bed with you Sunflower.” I joke with her enjoying how fun and light it is. 

“You don’t have to worry about that. I’m actually pretty obsessed with the cowboy who gave me this shirt and you are the only cowboy I know. Don’t you remember giving it to me Blakey?” Her eyes are seductive now and her voices dips lower with every sentence. 

“I can’t stop thinking about it actually. You can have as many shirts as you want baby.” We stare at each other for a minute, but I lose my composure quickly and find myself laughing. She joins in and falls into the bed bringing the covers over her. 

“You’re crazy Cowboy. Now get over here, I want to cuddle.” I grin at her and start walking to the other side of the bed. 

“I don’t have a change of clothes though. All of my sleeping clothes are in my bag in the car.” I pout making her giggle. 

“It’s okay. I like it better when you sleep in just your boxers anyway. It’s more fun for me.” She bites her lip and I have to hold back a groan. 

“Well alright then. Just remember you asked to see all this. I was going to cover it up for you.” I joke about my body, but she just shakes her head. With her eyes on me I start to undress. I sit down with my back to her on the edge of the bed and work on taking my boots off first. I feel her nails drawing patterns on my back as I do. Facing away from her is helping me to keep my composure. Staying seated I move my hands to the button of my shirt taking my time undoing each one. There’s no tension in the room necessarily, but a playfulness and a romantic lovey dovey type feeling. Once the shirt is off my shoulders I stand up again and turn to face her as my hands work on the button on my jeans. I kick them to the side quickly and decide to jump on the bed to make her bounce slightly taking her by surprise. 

“Oh my gosh, Blake.” She squeals as she tries to stabilize herself, giggling afterwards. I get under the covers and turn to face her using my hand to brush some hair out of her face after shaking her up some. We calm down and she shifts closer to me so we’re chest to chest. We are content with just laying there with each other and observing, trying to memorize every little detail about the others face. When our eyes finally meet again in the silence I get that feeling again that I got earlier in King’s room. 

“I love you.” My voice is quiet now that the atmosphere in the room has shifted. She smiles shyly at my words. 

“I love you too.” 

“Thank you for being so great with Ryan and Jace. I’m glad I had you to help me handle her today.” She brings her hand to my chest and flattens her palm against it. 

“That’s what I’m here for. You’re not alone in this Blake.” I sigh and relax my head against the pillow. 

“I’m not ready to leave you tomorrow.” I’m practically whining. I could probably pass for Jace right now. 

“I don’t want you to leave either, but I think it will be good for the kids. Maybe get some closure. I know your mom is probably dying to see them again.” 

“Yeah I know, I know, but I’m going to miss you.” I turn my head back to her and run my fingertips down her cheek. She shivers at the light touch and I see her pupils dilate just a smidge. 

“I’m going to miss you too but please don’t forget that you can call me anytime okay. I know you’re going to put them first while you’re there, but please take care of yourself too. Don’t bottle it up, okay? Talk about it, call me.” She sounds worried and I don’t want that. 

“I promise I will call you. I won’t let myself go, I promise. Knowing I have you and the boys back here waiting for me will get me through.” At that she smiles and leans in to softly place her lips on mine. 

I kiss her back and she slowly brings her leg up to rest on my hip. Since we are on our sides I bring my arm around her back and scoop her closer until we are chest to chest. She moans at the contact. I feel her tongue against my lips asking for permission and I grant it. Everything about this is slow and romantic. It’s not rushed and sloppy anymore because there is not underlying fear or uncertainty. We are clear with where we want to be right now. 

As soon as her hands make it to my stubble, my fingers find where her shirt is tied at the waist and I undo it, slipping my hands underneath it. With that she pushes on my chest making me roll onto my back. She doesn’t break the kiss though because she follows me and ends up straddling my hips and leaning down to reach my lips. My other hand finds the hem of her sleep shorts and slips under it gripping the flesh there. Her hands are exploring my torso, the feather light touches tickling me and arousing me all at the same time. After a few more minutes and some more light touches she pulls away and sits straight up on my hips. Without breaking eye contact she crosses her arms and grips the bottom of the t-shirt and slowly peels it off leaving her completely naked from the waist up on top of me. After today I know I’m ready. This thing with Gwen isn’t going to go away. We’ve waited long enough and I know she’s feeling the same way. 

Without a word I bring my hands up to her shoulders from around her back and pull her back down so that I can feel her skin against mine. We both moan and seek each others lips again. 

“What about the kids?” I mumble against her lips as I start to bring down her shorts. She gets up quickly to peel them off. 

“I put the baby monitor downstairs, so we can hear them. You just have to be quite Cowboy.” She’s a little breathless and I sigh in relief at her quick thinking but can’t pass up the opportunity to tease her. 

“So, you were expecting this tonight huh?” She is already back on top of me kissing the life out of me and she bites my lip at the question. 

“After you told me you loved me I was pretty sure we were ready.” I groan because as she is saying the words she is grinding her naked hips into mine over my boxers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me a comment and tell me what you think even though it has been a while.

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the note at the beginning and please comment. Thanks for reading my first piece of creative writing/fanfiction ever. Like it or no?


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